Sadness – Peaked

You are the…

Guy Who Peaked In Highschool

Business in the front; Party in the back.


You are the…

Guy Who Peaked In Highschool

Business in the front; Party in the back.


like to call people “Bro”. You sit around and watch TV, and once a day you call your
girlfriend on the phone to accuse her of cheating on you. You do a lot
of pushups and admire yourself in the mirror, and your idea of a good
time is drinking with the boys until you black out. Perhaps you’ve even been to prison a few times.
Interestingly enough, being inside doesn’t change your lifestyle all
that much. Some nights though, you sit
at the window and stare through the bars out at the waning moon, thinking of all the men
you’d like to beat up, and all women you’ll conquer to prove your
worth. You love women. Why would anyone think otherwise? They would
have no reason to! You’ll kill anyone who’d accuse you of being
something you aren’t. What do they mean “overcompensating”?

You hear the sound of sheets rustling and a light
flicks on. A gruff, gravelly voice sounds from the darkness behind you.
“Mrrrrppphh. Come back to bed Sweet Lips. Handsome Mike’s getting’
lonely…” You climb into bed next to him, frowning. “Oh Michael,” you
say wistfully as he puts his arms around you, “Why must the world be so very
cruel?” He clears his throat. “I suppose you’re just a delicate flower.
Now shut the F### up and #### my #### or I’ll slice you open good.” You
pause and purse your lips, thinking. The light flicks off and the room
goes dark and you smile; realizing for all the posturing and the anger
and denial and hatred: This is what you’ve always wanted. 


Your Sadness Level: Inexplicable Bouts of Melancholy

Your IQ: 95


What’s on your TV?

  • Clumsy Homemade Pornography
  • Steven Seagal Films
  • Saturday Night Live

Fat Seagal

What’s Coming Out of Your Stereo?

  • Nickelback
  • A String Quartet Tribute to Nickelback
  • Anything Loud Enough to Drown Out the Sound of You Screaming at Your Girlfriend


What’s in your Trash?

  • A Book Someone Gave You
  • Meth Pipe
  • Your Future (Luckily You Don’t Care)

 Midnight Express

Other Results:
Neanderthal  –  Hulking Manchild  –  Guy Who Peaked in Highschool
Cat Lady  –  Manic Psychotic  –  Sniveling Otaku