In today’s episode of Sainted & Tainted: Wheelchair Accidents, Elderly Roofjumpers, Identity Theft, and much more!

Tainted

The
woman who ruined our Easter. I attended the 9:30 mass at Our Lady of
Alabaster Church on Easter morning. Our family arrived early so we
could get the best seats up front. One of the families had brought
along a woman in the wheelchair, who was taking up the entire aisle. I
politely pushed her out of the way so my sons could get by and she
overreacted, banging into a pew, rolling down a small set of stairs,
and smashing through a beautiful flower arrangement my 86-year-old
mother had created for the service. She then proceeded to lay on the
floor, bleeding and howling like a child. Not only that, but she
outright refused to pay my mother to make up for the time and effort
she had wasted. Is this any way for a so-called Christian to behave?
Shame on you.

Sainted

The
young woman who apologized for her rude behavior by paying for my lunch
at the Denny’s family restaurant in Oak Grove (I think your name was
Wendy). Outside in the parking lot when you cut my van off by pulling
rudely into a parking spot ahead of me, I was angry, but you made up
for it with your kindness and selflessness. It takes a big person to
admit they were wrong, and you ma’am are a good person. Still, I sort
wish I had waited until after lunch to decide to hurl that ashtray
through your windshield, stab your tires with a pen, and scratch “SLUT”
into each of your doors with my key while you were inside thinking up a
way to make things right. Live and learn I suppose.

Tainted

The
young man who was outside the Cub Foods grocery store when my
grandfather fell off the roof on March 8th. Not only did you chuckle
and step over his body, but you came back to steal his wallet as he lay
there groaning and covered in blood. I put down my hockey stick, took
off my top hat, and shouted at you from the roof, but you pretended not
to hear me. You should not have done this, as my grandfather owes me 78
dollars and now I am probably never going to get it back.

Sainted

Richard
Hatcher, the man who used the ATM before I did at the gas station on
14th Street and Pine. You made a mistake when doing your deposit. I
suppose you didn’t insert the envelope properly or something, because
it was stuck in the slot. In any case, when I went to make my own
deposit, your envelope went through instead of mine. So anyway, thanks
very much for the 460 dollars, it really helps. By the way, you also
probably shouldn’t have left that change of address slip with your PIN
number (4328) and account number (3002468691114378) along with your
mother’s maiden name (Smithe) on the counter either. Just a helpful
hint.

Tainted

The
cashier at the Wallgreens Drug store in Waukegan. You failed to give me
a receipt, and when I pointed out that I would be owed 5 dollars due to
a store policy which stated as much, you had the gall to tell me that
there was “No such policy.” I pointed out the sign just behind you and
said “Then you had better take down that sign!” at which point he
turned and looked puzzled, reading it aloud, “Customer Must Show ID for
All Tobacco Products, It’s the Law”. I realize I was wrong, but there
was no need to humiliate me in front of all the other customers. Being
an 48-year-old illiterate mother of six isn’t easy, and you certainly
didn’t make it any easier.

Sainted

The person (or persons) who ran over my son’s obnoxious dog Ruffie in the street yesterday. I never liked that dog.

If you have someone you’d like to commend or shame publicly, send a
self addressed stamped envelope to: “Sainted Tainted PO box 321
Allondsdale WV 90021”