How To Score a Date with The Perfect Hotties!

"Hot" ChicksBy Martin "The Baron" Hubley
People always ask me: "Martin, how do you meet so many hot ladies? You've got all the luck!" While it may be true that I have very little trouble attracting the opposite sex, this has nothing to do with "finding" the women. Finding women is easy, they're all around! I always say: "Around every corner there's a sweet treat." Ain't it the truth though? You can find the ladies everywhere: Bookfairs, at the free clinic, in booths at the carnival, the smoke shop, even walking their dogs in the park at night. The least you can do is sidle up to these women and holler them (for those who aren't aware, "Hollering a woman" is an urban term for asking them for a date!)

Continue on to hear a few more of my choice tips about how to snag the perfect cutie with your love skills!

Scope Out The Cons

Trek GirlsNo, not convicts silly, conventions! By far the place I've found to meet the ladies is Con's. In my time I've attended them all, DragonCon, ComicCon, FurryCon, pretty much every Con you can shake your stick at. What guns my engine is a woman who is big, bold, and brassy (as my live-in girlfriend Tina can attest, rowr, down girl!), and to be sure, there is certainly no shortage of large women at cons for me to lick my lips over. But hey, let me tell you fellas, there are plenty of other types of ladies who attend these cons, and every single one of them is luscious indeed, regardless of your tastes.
And here's a tasty dish of gossip: I've even heard crazy stories of sex "hook-em-ups" at some of the larger conventions. For example, last year at Trek-Con (Star Trek convention in Vegas which I NEVER miss!) I heard rumblings of trek fans engaging in "naughty" activities in the near by hotel rooms, dressed in their trek uniforms! Talk about kinky!


Approaching Womens

Sexy VestOf course all of this "where to seek ladies" advice is useless if you don't know how to talk to them once you find them. Many-a-time have I witnessed lonely young men's unsuccessfully attempting to penetrate the mind-hole of a bathing beauty from all the wrong angles. Women are fickle creatures, and you need to know exactly how (and how not) to speak with one if you hope to score a hot date! Here are two ultra important pointers to get you started down the road to stud town.

Look Sharp!

No woman wants to date a bum off the street! If you want to be a winner in love, you have to dress for success. Take my wardrobe for example. But, if the occasion calls for it, I'm not afraid to dress a bit fancier! For weddings, funerals, and the like, I usually sport something like a crisp white long-sleeved turtleneck with a kicky red or green vest worn over top, and some white jeans or chinos on my lowers. I try not to wear this TOO often though, as it gets to be a bit of a hassle telling ladies I'm single!

Touch Her Physically!

No, I don't mean groping or pawing at her (that's for later)! I mean gentle non-confrontational touching. Let's say you're having a chat with a fine young lass at the cellphone booth in the mall. During the conversation you'd take her hand in yours, and gently stroke the back of it with your other hand. Also you can try gazing into her eyes while playing with a bit of her hair. Let me tell you, women get a real kick out of this sort of thing.
As long as you follow these simple rules I promise you'll be in her good graces in no time!

Pickup Lines

Nowadays plenty of guys classify pickup lines as "cheesy" or "old hat", but not me. People who are in the know will often find that a well-placed pickup line can spell the difference between rejection and make out session in the broom closet. So check out this list for a few of my greatest (100% original) pickup lines. Feel free to use any of these if you want to.
"Hi, can I borrow a cup of beauty? I asked you because it seems like you've got plenty to spare."
"I'm sorry but it really offends me when you scream the lords name in vain" (she acts confused, not knowing what you mean) "oh I'm sorry, I must have been thinking of what you would be doing tonight in my bedroom!"
"Excuse me miss would you mind if I put you on my cheerios, because you are sugar to me and you look oh so sweet."
(if a girl ever runs by you) "Hottie on the run!"
"Hey there lovely bones, hows about a night on the town with yours truly? I'll bring the chips if you bring the dip."
"Your name must be adrenaline because when I saw you my heart started to pound."
"I used to be a gay but when I looked at you I turned straight. Care for a date baby?"
(walking up to her) "Hey sweet-cheeks, I'd ask if we'd met before but I know we haven't since I would remember your beauty."


Learn the Hottest Dance Crazes!

Great Moves!Whether it's the Cabbage Patch, Soldier's Boy, or Man on the Run, it's important to learn all the latest dance crazes if you're hoping to score a kiss from a lovely lady of the night. If you can keep up, and cut the perfect rug, there's no stopping you! But it's also important to toss in a few dances you've created yourself and really give them something to write home about.

Here're a few dances I've cooked up (yes, believe it or not I actually made these up myself!).

The Wicked Worm

During the chorus of a song (such as Stayin' Alive for example) I slowly lower myself to the ground and begin squirming like a worm while a crowd gathers around. Soon the crowd begins clapping and chanting "Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!" in unison with each clap. It's quite the sight to see!

The Strut

Sometime simple is better. For this move I simply crane out my neck and strut around the outer edge of the dance floor, stopping at each corner, tipping my hat forward, and doing a little quarter spin on one heel. Then I give a small hop-step, shout out "woo!" and I'm back to strutting again. Sweetness.

The "Don't go There Girl"

If the song I'm dancing to has more of an urban flavor, I jut out one hip, place a hand on it, and begin waving my finger in the face of the person closest to me along with the beat, like: "Nuh-uh, don't do it, nuh-uh, don't do it!" Then I stomp my right foot while clapping twice in succession (clap-clap) and shake out some jazz hands, arms held above my head, and then letting them fall slowly down to my waist, where I start all over again.

Wheel 'em & Deal 'em

Fly Pop Lock Dudes!Normally I'm not a gambling man, but that all changes when I hit the dance floor. First I start bopping my head to the beat, like this: "Uh huh. Uh huh. Yeah. Uh huh." Then, as the song builds, I start snapping my fingers alternating with the beat like this: "Snap! *beat* Snap! *beat* Snap!"

Then once the chorus drops, I leer forward, knees bent, and start dealing invisible cards in the air in front of me while saying to myself "Deal 'em in ladies, deal 'em in!". So the beat's pounding, and I'm swaying back and forth dealing out cards like there's no tomorrow! People don't know what to think! Just goes to show you there's more than one way to make the ladies swoon.

Let me tell you folks, it's definitely a plus to have gems like these in your abattoir if you're looking to snag a few sweeties!


Trick Out Your Bitchin' Bachelor Pad With These Goods

Posters & Wall Scrolls

Wall ScrollsHaving beautiful art on your wall shows that you have a soft, sensitive side. Obviously, women love this! That's why it's important to cover your walls with great posters. Movie posters are always a plus; they reveal you as a true film buff. Among my favorites in my collection are my three (side-by-side) matrix trilogy posters, a double set from Daredevil and Electra on the opposite wall, and above the bed...Clueless of course! I realize this movie is a bit "old school" but it's definitely one of my faves. And what can I say, Alicia Silverstein makes me more than a little giddy.
And if you're not familiar with wall scrolls, I'd suggest you get familiar! Wall scrolls are simply higher quality cloth or plastic posters which commonly feature scenes from Japanese Anime and Manga. I've got a number of large, high-end ($150+) Naruto scrolls in my entertainment room, as well as 7 or 8 others from various animes in my bedroom. Needless to say, they turn some female heads!

A Killer Bed

Obviously one of the most important parts of a kick-butt bachelor pad is the bed, if you know what I mean! Comfort should be high on your list, but "coolness factor" should play a part in your choice of bedding as well. Some guys like waterbeds, but for me that's a no-no. I used to own one and first of all when my big and beautiful Tina climbed in I would just end up rolling on top of her and not being able to escape (which would be nice, if I weren't trying to get to sleep!). Also I like to sleep with a knive or two under the old pillow, which doesn't work too hot with a waterbed, ya know?
So I've settled on a traditional japanese Raku Tatami bed. Not only does it suit my personal style, but it also is much better designed and a higher quality than American beds. Give me a Japanese product over American anytime!


Anime FiguresOf course no bedroom is complete without a bit of sculpted art. Check out my collection:
  • 12 (Count 'em) 12 Final Fantasy VIII sculptures (the complete set!) all fully posable with matriculated limbs. All have original weapons (except poor Siefer, whose gunsblade my stepmom's cat Smurfette chewed up, grrrr!)
  • 1 Akira on Morotcycle Figurine Mint Still in Box (Gotta respect the classics!)
  • 5 Samurai Pizza Cats Figurines (expertly arranged in formation for battle on my night stand)
  • 15-25 Various Other Superhero/Anime Figures (Obviously there isn't time to go through them all here, but needless to say, they're awesome!)

Anywho, that's probably a lot more info than you can handle. I realize I have a tendency to oversaturate my articles with goodness, but what can I say, I'm a giver! Good luck out there boys and ghouls!

Photo Credits
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