5-Hour Energy Drink: Bile-Flavored Scam or Miraculous Nectar of The Gods?

Call me skeptical, but the first time I saw 5-Hour Energy Drink,
I immediately dismissed it as a scam. I mean, all the telltale signs
were present: 1. The price was relatively high. 2. The
words "Energy Supplement" were present on the bottle. 3. The
label appeared to have been designed by a semiliterate child and
printed on a cheap laser printer in some meth addict's basement. 4.
It was sitting on the counter at a filthy gas station next to a
container of laser pointer keychains and Playboy bunny lighters. So I
think you can forgive me for concluding that the whole thing wasn't on
the up-and-up.
But in the interest of semi-science (internet science?) I decided to
buy a few bottles of 5-Hour Energy Drink, do some research on the
ingredients, and perform a few test-drinks to see what effect this
shining example of Ostensibly Shady Energy Drink Marketing would have
on my hypercynical, overly suspicious mind. The results of my
experiment are contained in the following article, which is guaranteed
to thrill, educate, and excite (provided your standards are low

Note: This article was originally written in mid 2010, and I can't be bothered to keep it current, so if any of the cited information or links are out-of-date, this would be the reason.


5 Hour Energy Drink Bile Tasting Scam Dietary Supplement

The first thing you should know is that the FDA considers 5-Hour Energy
Drink to be a Dietary
. The gist of
this label is that the FDA classifies Dietary Supplements as foods, not
drugs. Meaning...

  1. Dietary Supplements are not officially tested for safety
  2. Dietary Supplements are not officially tested for efficacy

Thus: Any sketchy new-age asshole with a label printing machine
can bottle pretty much anything he feels like, claim to have tested it
(or not, it doesn't really make a difference), and sell it to the
public so long as he slaps a "dietary supplement" label on it.
And most people won't bat an eye when buying it because they assume,
"Hey, it's in a store and the packaging looks all official-like and
obviously this can't hurt me and I can take as much as I want because
it's not a drug and is therefore just like eating an apple boy do I
ever love apples oh my god Edna I have the jaundice."
Honestly, the only "real" regulatory action the FDA may take is to Ask
that the manufacturer pull any supplements which have
been proven to be harmful. If they don't feel like taking a hit on a
costly recall (and they usually don't) The
Product Stays On The Shelf
ready to be purchased by morbidly obese women with degrees in
numerology. So rest assured that if a dietary supplement was causing
causing severe heart attacks accompanied by cranial and genital
implosion, the FDA would [probably] step in [within 2-6 months] to ask
that the manufacturer pull it off [most of] the [retail] market, which
would ensure our [relative] safety [provided that the manufacturer
chooses to comply with the request]. Phew! What a relief!
Needless to say, I was really looking forward to ingesting a few 5-Hour
Energy drinks!


5-Hour Energy Drink: Bile Flavored Scam Dietary Supplement

Sometimes for a laugh, I like to check out the list of ingredients
which dietary supplement manufacturers claim to have allegedly included
in their products. What's most interesting about 5-Hour Energy drink,
is that in this case is that the only real "ingredient" listed (aside
from random unnecessary vitamins) on the container is an "energy
blend". This seems to be an aggregation of the eight most [possibly]
active and [seemingly] important ingredients in the drink, conveniently
mashed into a single meaningless clump.
So instead of a useful list showing each ingredient along with the
amounts of each (the way most energy drinks do) you get this: "Energy
Blend - 1870mg" and then a list of all the ingredients included in the
blend, leaving you to speculate as to the portions of each. Does the
blend include 1863mg of caffeine and 1mg of each other substance? 1/8th
of each ingredient? Is a haphazard combination of these substances
ingested by workers at the factory and subsequently vomited into each
bottle? Nobody knows!
But hey, it's no big deal right? If you're going to ingest a highly
concentrated cocktail of various unknown and mostly untested chemical
stimulants, it's probably best to ensure you're getting indeterminate
amounts of each. It adds to the excitement, and since it's not REAL
medicine (like pills or surgery), there's absolutely no chance of
harmful side effects or complications!
But even so, I decided to do some quick research on the
ingredients, just so I could get an idea of the potential benefits (in
any) the substances I might be ingesting in significant/dangerous
quantities might construe. Here's what I found.


5 Hour Energy Drink Doesn't Work?Seeing as this is an extremely common (and frequently
advertised) ingredient in energy drinks, there's probably little doubt
about its energy-bestowing properties, right? Well...if by "little
doubt" you mean Some Doubt
then, yes, you would be correct. But then again, even if there were
some reputable study showing the benefits of certain taurine on energy
or stamina, it would make little difference, seeing as NOBODY EVEN
. Yeesh.


Now see here: The only evidence I could even find that people were taking
this substance willingly (let alone studying it's effects) was In This Short
Wikipedia Entry
which only mentions an urban legend about its
effect on brain tumors, and some absolute bullshit about it's supposed
ability to "detoxify" the body. I also came across a few shifty
characters in bodybuilding forums who were speculating on its
performance-enhancing properties, but even they seemed
skeptical. Take from this what you will.

Malic Acid

I can't find a credible source linking this stuff to anything other
than "the ability to create the tartness in Sweet Tarts and other such
candied". In conclusion: Malic acid may or may not be an ingredient in
various things and I don't really know what it does.

Tyrosine, Citicoline, & Phenylalanine

A few reputable studies have actually been done on the effects of
Tyrosine. However, None Of These Helps
5-Hour Energy's case much, as at best they show minuscule improvements
at dosages far exceeding (10X or more) the amounts of Tyrosine a single
5-Hour Energy would contain even if the entire "Energy Cocktail" was
made up entirely of these substances. As for citicoline and
phenylalanine, I can find no evidence of anything related to fatigue or
energy. Surprise!


Here is the ingredient which is 99.999999% likely to be the one and
only cause of any energy boost you might feel after drinking a 5-Hour
Energy Drink. The bottle makes the cryptic claim that 5-Hour contains
(caffeine comparable to a cup of the leading premium coffee).

5 Hour Energy Drink CaffeineAnd while I'm normally a huge fan of the "solve a riddle
to get an estimate of the dosage of the most highly active
ingredient included in our product" the problem is that the caffeine
content in "a cup of coffee" can range anywhere from 60mg to 175mg,
depending on the type of coffee you're drinking and how it's been
So why even include the statement at all? First of all, I assume it's
because many people (gasp) actually want to know the amount of caffeine
in the products they drink and so 5-Hour Energy (and I am really
tired of typing that) is throwing them a bone.

Second, if you said "may contain anywhere from 40-175mg of caffeine"
people would begin to suspect that your company may just be some
fly-by-night group of low-rent corporate thugs who've hatched a
brilliant plan to bilk the ignorant among us by charging a 10 Billion
percent markup on what is essentially flavored water with a random
amount of caffeine added.
And we wouldn't want that now would we?

Update (02.09.11): An
Independent Study Performed By Consumer Labs
found that 5-Hour
Energy "contained about 207 milligrams of caffeine" which is about the
same as one would find an 8 ounce Starbucks coffee. Surprise, surprise.


5 Hour Energy Drink Test

If we're going to be honest here, most people don't half a shit about
which ingredients or chemical compounds are included in their energy
drink. As long as it gives them a boost and doesn't kill them, they're
satisfied. So for these people, I performed a simpler test: I drank a
couple bottles of 5-Hour Energy to see what happened. I chose the
regular strength (whatever the hell that means), Berry flavored (bile
flavored) drink as it was the only one available. And just to be clear,
I did this BEFORE I performed all my half-assed "research" and
discovered the apparent worthlessness of 99% of the active ingredients,
so don't go claiming all "preconceived notions" on me or anything.
So what happened? Let me tell you: Not much. I got a decent buzz
for half an hour, followed by a few hours of increased energy and then
a crash. It bears mentioning that the bottle claims "No Crash Later"
but upon further investigation I discovered a footnote which explains
that by "no crash" they actually mean "no SUGAR crash". This is an
interesting claim to make, seeing as sugar crashes Probably
Don't Even Exist
, but I guess that's a story for another time.
I'd say that overall, the experience I had after drinking a 5-Hour
Energy Drink was identical to (if not weaker than) the feeling I get
from taking a 200mg caffeine pill (something I do fairly often). Which
is to say it was a decent way of combating drowsiness for a few hours,
but not anything special.
But of course, no matter what anyone says (uncredited idiots on no-name
websites like this one included), there are still gonna be people
out there who claim to get a "bigger buzz" from 5-Hour Energy drink
than from regular energy drinks or caffeine pills. This is hardly
surprising, but I would like to point a few things out to these people:

  1. 5-Hour Energy probably does contain a lot of caffeine. This
    caffeine is highly concentrated, and because of the "shot-like" nature
    of 5-Hour Energy, users are likely to drink the entire bottle at once.
    This might account for the difference in effect some people claim to
    feel between energy shots and larger energy drinks.
  2. Nobody even knows how much caffeine is in 5-Hour energy drink (it
    could be 300mg, it could be 40), so there's really no fair way to
    compare it's effects to other caffeine-containing substances.
  3. The
    Placebo Effect



5 Hour Energy Drink Scam

I am in no way disputing that 5-Hour Energy gives you "energy".
Obviously it does. However, I would point out to you that a single
200mg caffeine pill will cost you about 10-20 cents, while a bottle of
5-Hour Energy drink is often more than $2.00. If this doesn't jump out
at you as somewhat obscene, then by all means, go right out and throw
your money away on a case of this foul-tasting dreck. But as a person
who values practicality and good sense over vague unproven claims and
marketing hype, I think I'll stick to popping pills.

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