How to Craft the Perfect Resume

Warrior
Howdy ya'll, this is your old pal Martin "The Baron" Hubley here again to spurt some more knowlege into your mouths and onto the front of your shirts. How many times has this happened to you: You apply for a job, but the boss gives it to someone else! Sure is rotten isn't it?! Well never fear, The Baron's here to tell you that the reason you missed out on that golden opportunity isn't because your a loser, it's because you're resume is one!

All aboard the learning train folks! There are three important properties every resume should have: Heart, Hope, & Be Passionate. Heart means make 'em cry. Hope means give em' the hope that you're the best man (or gal) for the job! And C. Above all Be Passionate! Passion is the sloppy goop that makes the world go round, so let em' have it! On the day of your interview, walk straight in the door, hand over your resume, and slather your interviewer with a sloppy dose of passion all over their face and in their mouth. They won't know what hit em'!

But for more detailed tips, read on to check out yours truly's very own resume. You'll have that job in no time!



Perfect Resume Wizard 

Martin "The Baron" Hubley's Resume!

A superfun nice guy looking for a bitchin' job in Techs Supporting!
 
 

Please Allow me To Intraduce myself!

To who it may concern: Howdy y'all! My name is Martin Hubley (most folks just call me "The Baron") wondering if I might bone your ear for a moment about one of the most fantastic, handsome, interesting, and teriffic employee I've ever meet. No, I'm not talking about acting star Tom Cruze, I'm talking about yours truly, The Baron! I hope you'll take a look see over this resume I've written up, as I really have enjoyed creating it!!!! ;)
 

Personal Stats

Great Resume GreenName: Martin "The Baron" Hubley
Height: 5 Feet 8 Inches
Weight: 325 Pounds (give or take a few!)
Age: 36
IQ: 156
Home Phone Number: 342-111-4339
Cell Number: Don't Have One. Waste of money.
Email: Strykker_dragoon@hotmail.com
Alt Email: breezekin@largeluciousladies.net
NOTICE: I am otherkin so if you have any problems with this you are just going to have to deal with it or perhaps youd like a call from the ACLU? Didn't think so.

Objective

To find a job helping others using my computer skills. I love computers (I'm a certifiable expert, no less), and I love (most) people, so I know that a job in techs support will be right for me (and for you, the corporation). Hire me now (lol)!
 

Education

Graduated from Jamestown Memorial High with a 3.1 GPA (honor roll) and the adorations of all my peers. I was one of the most sot after students and even garnered the nick name "Teachers Favorite" on more than one occasion! Need less to say, the other students were a often bit jealous. Oh well, takes one to know one, am I right folks?
 
I never attended collage (didn't need to) but I'm self-taught in computer skills as well as 10+ forms of martial arts. So not only can I install a MOBO (computer-lovers slang for mother board) but I can take down any unruly customer who comes in looking for a rumble.
Violence may not be the answer, but unfortunately it is often nessecary all too often.


Previous Jobs

Suncoast Movie Store - 3 Years

Position

Worked as a cashier at Suncoast Motion Picture company in the Wynn Park Mall for over 3 years.
 

Resume FantasticSkills Learned

  • Learning about Films. By watching them & reading the boxes (mostly anime)
  • Helping Customers. Those who fail to grasp the concept of alphebetical order find films.
  • Reporting Three Coworkers to the Boss. They were smoking weed joints out behind the delivery door and they subsequent to this became fired.
  • Working with BLACKS and ASIANS. I work extremely well with these people and can communicate to them on their level.
  • Counting. handling money; math.

Reason for Leaving

Manager was unfair; wouldn't give time off when requested, forced employees to work evenings and weekends and asked cashiers to stock shelves. If you're reading this I WAS NOT HIRED AS A STOCKBOY I WAS HIRED AS A CAISHER. But anyhoo, I called him a offensive name (not proud of this but sometimes engouh is enough, am I right ladies?) and was escorted out by the ogres in mall security. No biggie.
 

Between Jobs - Past 9.5 Years

 After losing my Suncoast job I was devestated beyond reproachment. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't bathe, I couldn't talk, I couldn't do laundry or change a tire. All I could do was sleep. Luckily I had my loving mother and father (bleess them) to give me a place to live and stay.
 
Resume Awesome CastleHonesty this was a blessing in duisguise. I now have more than 3 years of experience in helping my relatives and friends with PC troubleshoots. Not much experience in the Mac area, but as they are fairly similar I'm sure I can figure it out in no time. I'm a quick learner, in case you haven't guessed yet!
 
 I'm actually an expert when it comes to computers. I built my current rig (slang for PC tower) from the ground floor up, starting with a custom $5000 Alienware PC I got for Easter (I pause so you can wipe the drool from your keyboard now) and adding in two sticks of RAM style Memory, a speedy 12 mm case fan, video card drivers, and plenty of custom tube lights and buzzers. Jealous yet? But I think this proves that I know my way around a circuit breaker.
 

Hobbies

Cosplay, TV, Playing to Win, LARP, D&D, Getting the Job Done, Playing with my two kitties, Cruising for Hotties (Whilst Being Respectful), Marital Arts, Braiding, & Car Shopping (I don't drive but love to look & dream), Respecting Women and Minorities, doing What is right...
 

References

Joan Hubley
PH# 342-111-4339
 
Mark M. Hubley
PH# 342-111-4339
 
Agatha Hubley
PH# 430-442-1024
 
Randy Smithe
AIM Name: Chaos_Magician_02
 
 

In Conlusion

I hope you've enjoyed and respected reading my resume, but more importantly I hope you enjoyed and respected me for this job. I know I'm the right man for the job and I know I can do this job. I hope to hear back from you about this job as soon as possible so I can bring our company into our 20th century with you. Thank you for considering me for this job and I hope to see you there on day one!
 
I'll be the one working my hardest!

THANXXS Y'ALLS!