Here is a quick horrible little article I wrote off the top of my head in about 40 seconds. It’s about some old-timey sayings that mentally unstable people might use as guides for what to do about weddings. I also put my responses to them. It’s sort of like a rap battle, except that it isn’t even remotely like one at all. I have put the original saying in bold in order to honor the ancient chinese tradition of highlighting worthless folk wisdom in a slightly darker color (and so you can tell which one is the original).
Ladies & Gentleman: Bea Arthur!
- To change the name and not the letter; Is to change for the worst and not the better.
To make a rule as dumb at this / uhh…you would have to be pretty dumb (sorry not a very good start I know)
- Monday for wealth; Tuesday for health; Wednesday the best day of all; Thursday for losses; Friday for crosses; Saturday for no luck at all.
Hey you left off Sunday; That’s alright, Sunday is a racist anyway; I could go for a Steak; About Now. What was that you said about Thursday again?
- Something old, something new; Something borrowed, something blue; And a silver sixpence in your shoe
I never heard that sixpence part; it's a little strange to have in there; But I guess if you are ignorant enough to believe this crap; You can just ignore the parts you don’t like; Sorry I blew up there.
Ill-Fated Love Child of Dr. Phil & Adolf Hitler
- Here's a longer one:
Married in White, you have chosen right,
Married in Blue, your love will always be true,
Married in Pearl, you will live in a whirl,
Married in Brown, you will live in town,
Married in Red, you will wish yourself dead,
Married in Yellow, ashamed of your fellow,
Married in Green, ashamed to be seen,
Married in Pink, your spirit will sink,
Married in Grey, you will go far away,
Married in Black, you will wish yourself back.
I made a better one than that, and it's multicolored too:
Married in White, Racial Superiority is your Right
Married in Blue, Whoopadeedoo!
Married in Pearl, You Throw Like A Girl
Married in Brown, Who The F%#* Wears a Brown Dress?!
Married in Red, Mmm, Bread!
Married in Yellow, I Don’t Care For That Mellow Yellow Soft Drink; It’s Far Too Sweet For My Tastes. Do You Have Any Sprite?
Married in Green, That Stain Won’t Come Clean (The one on your soul)
Married in Pink, Your Husband Will Drink
Married in Grey, The Groom’s Secretly Gay
Married in Black, “Always Bet On Black” – Snipes
Don't feel bad because you wasted your time reading this. I wasted an entire hour creating it and finding the stupid pictures for it. Either way I will probably make more of these because my soul aches with loneliness.