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Due to the outstanding success of my recently
published article on bucket lists
, I decided to "take it to the
streets" and accost complete strangers, jabbing a starter pistol in
their ribs and insisting that they create their own top 10 lists of
"Things to Do Before You Die".
 
Not surprisingly, many of them complied, coming up with some
thought-provoking and insightful responses that really made me stop and
consider what it means to be human in this crazy mixed-up world of
ours. Unfortunately I was only able to get in three interviews before I
was shot in the chest and upper thigh by some hero cop who decided I
was breaking some obscure law, but I think you'll find that the lists I
was able to compile were well worth my arrest and subsequent
arraignment on felony assault and use of facsimile firearm charges.

 
 

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Tony "Bubblegum" Tao
Real Estate Agent

Commit insurance fraud

Buy a drink for a recovering alcoholic

Shoot and kill a kangaroo

Pick a fight with a senior citizen

Grow steadily fatter

Spurn the advances of someone beautiful

String piano wire across a bike path

Attribute far more value to my college experiences
than they actually warrant

Have a painfully awkward dinner with a celebrity I
respect

Get felt up by a hirsute man in a foreign nightclub

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Randy "Striker" Bishop
Child Psychologist

Knock a child or pet unconscious with a single punch

Dine out with a child predator

Throw someone through a plateglass window 

Meet Urkel

Squander countless thousands on a college degree in
a lucrative field I will despise

Masturbate in a zeppelin

Ignore the hired help

Visit the Statue of Liberty, Shrug

Deface a piece of modern art as an expression of
modern art

Shoot my way out of a Denny's

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Thomas "The Knife" Argie
Professor of Astrophysics

Kill a dolphin with my bare hands

Grow a sleazy mustache

Visit the state of Michigan, regret it forever

Disrupt a college toga party with a Molotov Cocktail

Pledge money to a charity with no intention of ever
paying

Take a dump in the Stanley Cup

Spit in a stranger's soup

Pull a switchblade on an ordained minister

Impregnate someone I care about 

Let out a horrifying scream when urinating at a
public toilet

Thanks to everyone who participated!