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Ho hum. Just another boring week of puppies being tossed at motorcycle
gangs, cocaine-addicted funeral directors gyrating in the nude, 60 foot
tall flaming Jesuses, library/condiment crime sprees, human head
smugglers, nearly indecipherable alien abduction stories, and ice cream
man turf wars.
 
If only something strange or mildly humorous would occur.

WEIRD NEWS STORIES OF THE WEEK

German
Kid Throws Puppy At Hell's Angels

A German student created a major traffic jam in Bavaria
after making a
rude gesture at a group of Hell’s Angels motorcycle gang members,
hurling a puppy at them and then escaping on a stolen bulldozer. German
police say after making his getaway from the Hell’s Angels club, the
26-year-old dumped the bulldozer, causing a 5 km traffic jam near the
southern town of Allershausen, local police said.

He then fled to his home nearby where he was apprehended by the police.

Funeral
Director Allegedly Knows How To Party

State regulators in Ohio have shut down a funeral home
where a director
is accused of mishandling a corpse and other misdeeds. The state board
that licenses funeral homes outlined a long list of accusations against
[the man, including]:

  • Leaving a body unrefrigerated for 13 days
  • Being often naked, half-clothed, intoxicated, or addicted to
    the
    use of
    morphine, cocaine, or other habit-forming or illegal drugs
  • Putting a jacket of a deceased man on in front of the man's
    family
  • Threatening and harassing employees
  • Failing to sterilize all instruments for embalming
  • Failing to destroy waste materials properly
  • Misappropriation of money from memorial contributions

[The man] said Tuesday that none of the administrative charges are true
and that he's being set up by a competitor. He blames this entire
situation on another funeral home, claiming they have tried to sabotage
his business since opening in 1994.

God
Sends Message To Church, Burns Their 6-Story Jesus Statue To The
Ground

A six-story-tall statue of Jesus Christ with his arms
raised along a
highway was struck by lightning in a thunderstorm Monday night and
burned to the ground, police said.

The "King of Kings" statue, one of southwest Ohio's most familiar
landmarks, had stood since 2004 at the evangelical Solid Rock Church
along Interstate 75 in Monroe, just north of Cincinnati. The sculpture,
62 feet tall and 40 feet wide at the base, showed Jesus from the torso
up and was nicknamed Touchdown Jesus because of the way the arms were
raised.
It was made of plastic foam and fiberglass over a steel frame, which is
all that remained early Tuesday.

Police
Finally Solve String of Vicious, Condiment-Related Crimes

Authorities said a 74-year-old Boise woman arrested after
pouring
mayonnaise in the Ada County library's book drop box is a person of
interest in at least 10 other condiment-related crimes. [The woman] was
picked up Sunday at the library, moments after police say she pulled
through the outside drive-through and dumped a jar of mayo in the box
designated for reading materials.

Boise police say Cassidy is under investigation for other cases of
vandalism that started in May 2009. Library employees have reported
finding books in the drop box covered in corn syrup and ketchup.

Ice
Cream Turf War Escalates With Threats of Violence

Police said an ice-cream vendor threatened another vendor
with a knife
and told her to get off his turf. The man acknowledged talking with the
woman Sunday in a cul-de-sac but denied making threats. Police found a
knife in his truck and arrested him for investigation of assault.

The Daily Herald of Everett reported the 51-year-old man appeared in
District Court Monday and was ordered held on $25,000 bail. The woman
said she didn't think she was violating the unwritten code among
vendors about where they sell frozen treats.

Yawn...Dozens
Of Human Heads Found On Airplane

Dozens of human heads were intercepted by a Southwest
Airlines employee
last week, the airline confirmed Thursday. The heads, which were
intercepted in Little Rock, Ark., were handed over to local officials
who are now investigating whether or not the heads were properly
obtained. The package was on its way to the Fort Worth office of
Medtronic, a Minnesota-based medical research and technology company,
NBC's affiliate in Dallas Fort-Worth reported. Little Rock police
handed the package over to the country coroner.

The coroner is currently investigating whether the heads were legally
obtained.

"We've come to the conclusion that there is a black market out there
for human body parts for research or for whatever reason," Pulaski
County coroner Garland Camper told NBC Dallas Fort-Worth. "We just want
to make sure these specimens here aren't a part of that black market
and underground trade."

Drunk
Man Strips To Underwear, Threatens Customers At Grand Opening

An intoxicated man was arrested during Tuesday’s grand
opening
celebration at Price Chopper for stripping down to his underwear and
threatening to kill employees who attempted to escort him from the
premises. Employees [say the man] was in front of the store asking
customers to “[fucking] dance with him” and then the suspect proceeded
to strip down to his underwear, police said.

When store employees tried to remove Cialeglio he allegedly became
belligerent, saying things like, “When I get a chance I’m going to bash
both of your [fucking] heads in,” and “I’m going to kick your [ass] and
I’m going to [fucking] kill you,” according to police. He also
attempted to hit the employees who tried to restrain him until police
arrived.
As police were transporting Cialeglio to headquarters, he told officers
that he was going to bash in the head of those “Price Chopper guys,”
according to the arrest report.

During the booking process, he was uncooperative and told police he was
going to shoot them.

ALIEN ABDUCTION BLOG OF THE WEEK

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The New Alien Abduction Blog provides an invaluable service to those
who have been abducted/molested by alien beings. Abduction stories are
all-too-often dismissed by the general public as "complete bullshit"
and "the ravings of braindamaged lunatics", but thankfully NAAB
provides these poor befondled souls with news and information regarding
alien abduction, as well as an outlet for their shamerage. Here are
some excerpts from a few of the most shocking (true) stories. Please be
warned that some of these are highly sexual or violent in nature and as
such should not be read by small children or Pentecostals.

Martin

"Hi My name is Martin. I was abducted when I was 13 from my bedroom. I
did not realize I was abducted till later on in life when I would have
flash backs, but now I remember everything so clearly. They did tests
on my and even punctured my testicles with small metal objects, I think
they drained my human man liquid."

Reuben

"Hello sir my name is Reuben my age is 19 I am having alien abduction
experience form the age of 15. Every night between 3 and 4 my sleep
would break don’t know much what happens after that because when I wake
up I feel very bad or scared there is a feeling of huge flow of
electricity shock on my head and I don’t know when it ends.
 
But one night I kept my balcony door opened which is connected to my
bed room at night I could see the trees out side the door and I went to
sleep between 3 or 4 I woke up and with same feeling and I saw a person
or alien standing near my balcony door and he was naked, body color
what I saw was white could be something else because it was night and
moons light was reflecting and what was different was his face his eyes
were big black and his mouth was small rest of his body was like a
normal human.
 
I still remember I was able to see the hairs like human on hand and leg
and he was staring at me was not moving and at that time I was so
scared and there was a disturbing noise behind my head like a motor or
buzzing noise my hand and legs were shivering of fear in fear I ran and
pushed that person or alien I ran to my dads bed room before I reach to
my dads bed room there was a white light and I woke at my room back at
5 that was I think my abduction experience I am still having this weird
feeling at 3 or 4 AM but some times I used to wake up and use to stare
at watch at this time please I need some help this is disturbing me a
lot now a days I am scared to sleep at night. I used to sleep at day
time and I am having problem in my studies."

Andy S

"[I] would like real photos of aliens or thier ships. I also have
missing time in the early 80's. Dont remember much at all,but a few
years later i was wshing up and something popped out of my belly
button,it was oval shape,small ,looked like a colorful rock,in an
instant i knew what it was ,it was a tracking device, i threw it away.
I always had the feeling of bieng watched in a sort of way. thanks Andy
s."

DREAMMER

"ALL MY LIFE I HAVE BEEN A DREAMER,EVERY NIGHT ATLEAST ONE OR TWO
DREAMS.
 
A COUPLE OF NIGHTS AGO I HAD A DREAM THAT FREAKED ME OUT TO THE POINT
THAT I FORCED MYSELF TO WAKE UP.I WAS FLYING AND SAID TO MYSELF ITS
NICE FOR ONCE TO HAVE CONTROL OF THIS DREAM.
 
AS I ALMOST HAD TO PRY MY EYES OPEN THROUGHT THE DARK I SAW IT STANDING
AT THE FOOT OF MY BEAD,WITH ONE ARM RASED A SLENDER BODY AND A LOG HEAD
WITH DARK EYE. THE THING WAS I WAS NOT SLEEP. I BLINKED AND IT WAS
GONE. AFTER GETTING UP AND USING THE BATHROOM I THOUGHT EVERYONE ALWAYS
I SAW AN ALIEN OR I WAS TAKEN. I FELT LIKE WITH EVERY DREAM I EVER HAD
AND I HAVE HAD A LOT.
 
I FELT LIKE I WAS BEING TESTED TO SEE HOW I WOULD REACT TO BEING PUT IN
COONTLESS SITUATIONS. WE ARE NOTHING MORE THAN A ODDITY THAT CAME TO
REST ON THIS BLUE MARBLE.THEY'RE ONLY INTEREST IT SEEMS IS WHAT MAKES
US TICK AND TEASING US WITH GLIMPSES OF SHIPS FROM TIME TO TIME.I ONLY
HOPE THAT AFTER THER'RE FINISHED LOOKING US OVER AND THEY'VE LEARNED
WHAT THEY NEED, I HOPE THEY DON'T TAKE OUR LITTLE BLUE PLANET FROM US."

PUZZLING FETISH VIDEO OF THE WEEK (WORKSAFE)


ALL CAPS CUSTOMER REVIEW / EPIC POEM OF THE WEEK

Image removed.

 
 

LINK ROUNDUP

Cool Book Recommendation Site
(EXCITEMENT)

Fascinating
Godfather Behind-The-Scenes Article

Chrysler
Attempts To Fool White Trash Into Believing Car is American

 
Is
College Worthwhile?

 

Thanks to everyone who read this week's weird news, and remember if you
ever get lost in the woods, you can eat any berries you find so you
don't starve. There is no such thing as a poisonous berry.
 
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Photo/Video Credits
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