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This week: A(nother) woman rips off her boyfriend's testicle and chews
on it, graves are double booked, children seem to attempt suicide, nuns
grow marijuana, and nude men claiming to be Jesus act as crazy as they
are expected to.

All of these stories, links, and so very much more has been made
available to you after the break.

WEIRD NEWS STORIES OF THE WEEK

Woman Jailed For
Ripping Off, Chewing On Boyfriend's Testicle

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage when Geoffrey Jones, 37,
rejected
her advances at the end of a house party, Liverpool Crown Court heard.
She pulled off his left testicle and tried to swallow it, before
spitting it out. A friend handed it back to Mr Jones saying: "That's
yours." Monti admitted wounding and was jailed for two-and-a-half years.

On 30 May she picked him up from a party in Crosby and went back for
drinks with friends at Mr Jones's house. An argument ensued and Mr
Jones said there was a struggle between them. In his statement, Mr
Jones said she grabbed his genitals and "pulled hard. That caused my
underpants to come off and I found I was completely naked and in
excruciating pain."

The court heard that a friend saw Monti put Mr Jones's testicle into
her mouth and try to swallow it. She choked and spat it back into her
hand before the friend grabbed it and gave it back to Mr Jones. Doctors
were unable to re-attach the organ.

Nude
Man Claiming To Be Jesus Causes 5 Car Pileup

Police said a naked man yelling that he was 'Jesus' was the
catalyst
for a five-vehicle accident on Interstate 95 that injured three people
and slowed traffic for nearly six hours. Police Sgt. Jeremiah Marron
said officers responded to reports Saturday that a nude male was
causing a disturbance on I-95. As police arrived, the man got into a
car but police were able to pull the vehicle over.
 
Police said a tractor-trailer driver then slammed on the brakes to
avoid another driver distracted by the highway commotion. The big rig
jackknifed, careened into four cars and flipped over.

Grave
Next To Woman's Dead Husband Double Booked

An elderly widow from Lincoln is devastated after she
discovered that
someone else had been buried in the plot beside her late husband at the
cemetery. Lillas Hawkins' late husband, Durwood, was buried 26 years
ago. He picked out the sites at Mount Vernon Memorial Park in Fair Oaks
where one day they'd be buried side by side. But while visiting
Durwood's grave this past weekend, she found another woman buried next
to her husband.

"There's somebody in my plot," said Lillas. When she pointed it out to
a worker at the cemetery, "He said 'we are in terrible trouble'," said
Lillas.

Dignity, the company which owns the cemetery confirms Lillas' plot was
double sold, but they insist it happened in the eighties, well before
they took over the cemetery.
 
The cemetery management told her that digging up the woman buried in
her spot isn't an option. They suggested Lillas be buried in the same
plot above Durwood.

One
4-Year-Old's Spectacular Attempt To End It All

Palm tree fronds may have saved the life of a 4-year-old
boy who on
Friday morning fell from a 17th-floor balcony at the Doubletree Grand
Hotel, Miami police said. The boy, whose name was not released by
authorities, somehow climbed over a covered balcony railing, bounced
off a palm tree and safely landed on the "dirt surface" of an area
surrounding the hotel's 10th-floor pool, said Kenia Reyes, a Miami
police spokeswoman.
 
"[He] doesn't appear to have broken a bone," said Reyes, who said the
boy was taken to Jackson Memorial Hospital for observation.

Lt. Ignatius Carroll, a spokesman for Miami Fire Rescue, was equally
astonished the boy had survived the fall, saying the boy may have
fallen 70 to 80 feet. He said he has seen people die from falls of 30
feet.

Woman
Feigns Rape To Avoid Traffic Ticket

A British woman admitted to inventing a story of a rape to
avoid being
charged with offenses related to crashing her boyfriend's car without
insurance, [pleading] guilty in Coventry Magistrates Court to wasteful
employment of police time, using a vehicle without insurance and
failing to stop after an accident, the Daily Mail reported Tuesday.

Prosecutors said she took her boyfriend's car, which she was not
insured to drive, without his permission and crashed into two parked
cars in Canley. They said she ran to a nearby house and concocted a
story of being dragged from the car by two men and raped in an alleyway.

Police said Hunter's story wasted 15 hours of their time and caused
panic in the neighborhood, where residents believed rapists were at
large.

Nuns
Questioned For Acre Of Pot Grown At Convent

Police in Uganda said they are investigating the origins
and purpose of
a huge marijuana crop found in the garden of a convent. Masaka district
police officials said investigators discovered a marijuana plantation
covering an entire acre of land in the gardens of the convent.

Southern regional commander Emmanuel Muhuirwe said two porters were
arrested and released on bail pending charges while two nuns were
questioned but not arrested.

One of the nuns was quoted as saying the marijuana was used as a health
treatment for the convent's pigs and other farm animals.

AWESOME ANGELFIRE WEB PAGE OF THE WEEK

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One second, just let me just get out my angelfire celebrity fanpage
checklist here...OK ready.

  • Pink centered text on a hot pink background? Check
  • Hundreds of animated gifs? Check
  • Huge imposing ads which dwarf everything else on page? Check
  • Hit counter at bottom to reinforce the futility of it all? Check.
  • Comprised solely of links to long dead one-off news stories,
    mindless
    quotations and blurry associated press photos of the celebrity
    including one in which they are apparently being berated by a late 80s
    Russel Crowe? Quintuple check!

 

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I love you Angelfire.
 
 

VIDEO OF THE WEEK


ALL CAPS CUSTOMER REVIEW OF THE WEEK (TRIPLE FEATURE)


Dan Brown - The Lost Symbol

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LINK ROUNDUP

Popular
Mechanics Reviews As-Seen-On-TV Products

10
Coolest Rollercoasters Ever

 
12
Weirdest Things Ever Sold for Money

Drug
Smuggling Submarines

So ends another week. I hope you are satisfied with the way things
turned out.

Long live the king.