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I have a shameful confession to make: Occasionally I have a difficult
time differentiating between various Hulk Hogan films. Most often, this
issue manifests itself with regards to Mr. Nanny and Suburban Commando.
I do recognize the difference in plot between the two "former pro
wrestler is hired as a bodyguard for small children &  a
cyborg
from space fights crime(?)" and yet to me, these features are still one
and the same. Part of my confusion may stem from the fact that I have
not seen either film, but I can't help but wonder if there isn't
something more sinister afoot here.
 
But there's really no time for me to think about it right now. I
have to post this dumb article.

 

WEIRD NEWS STORIES OF THE WEEK


Man Charged With Beating of Quaduple Amputee

[A] man beat up a quadruple amputee because he was angry
that she was
blocking his view of the television, according to a criminal complaint
filed in [District Court].

According to the complaint, [police] were called on a domestic assault
case [and] found a 28-year-old woman sitting in a wheelchair. "Officers
observed that all four of her limbs were amputated, her arms below the
elbow and her legs above the knee," the complaint said.

"The defendant threw the victim to the floor and punched her with a
closed fist in the mouth and face more than ten times," the complaint
said.

Mmmm...Yummy
Snake Bit Found in Green Beans

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You know what I could really go for right about now? Some
green beans.
Mm, mm, mmm. Yes, nothing quite satisfies like a mouthful of delicious
Houston's Own beans! Let me just pour the bag out into my bowl he--
hello! What's this? A large chunk of garter snake? What a delightful
surprise! I'll wolf it down immediately! *gobble* ... *smack* ...
*snarf*

Oh yeah. Let me tell you: It's hard not to be refreshed after a meal
like that! What a treat.

Badass
Russian Genius Refuses Million Dollar Prize

A 43-year-old unemployed bachelor who lives with his
elderly mother in
Russia [has] won $1 million for solving a problem that has stumped
mathematicians for a century [and] can't decide if he wants the money.
 

"He said he would need to think about it," said James Carlson, who
telephoned Perelman with the news he had won the Millennium Prize
awarded by the Clay Mathematics Institute of Cambridge, Mass.

Rukshin said Perelman has been without work for four years and has
declined all job offers. He previously worked at the Steklov
Mathematics Institute. "As far as I know, after there was so much media
attention ... he did not want to be a public person and to look like an
animal in the zoo," Rukshin said.

Religion
Kills Child

GEORGETOWN, Guyana - A 14-year-old girl has died after
neighbors and a
local pastor tried to treat her convulsions with an exorcism at a
church, and Guyanese police said Friday they are investigating.

Sangeeta Persaud began to have convulsions as she was drinking tea for
breakfast at her grandmother's home in Canal Number Two. The woman said
neighbors arrived to help, and a local pastor convinced them she was
suffering from demonic possession. After trying to cast out the demons
at her home [neighbors] carried her to a church, where the pastor and
aides rubbed or pounded on her stomach and had her drink lime juice.

She was finally taken to a hospital, where she died. Results from a
preliminary autopsy were inconclusive and no one has been charged, but
West said police were continuing to investigate.

It was not clear why the girl was not taken to a doctor earlier.

[The Lord could not be reached for comment].

SITE OF THE WEEK

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Famous
Figures

(Celebrity Action Figure Lookalikes)

You really have to respect a man who dedicates his time to finding
action figure heads which mildly resemble the faces of different
celebrities and then posting them to a website. Well, I suppose you
don't HAVE to respect him, but you probably will after you see the
pictures I'm about to post. They are pretty great.
 

 
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Denzel Washington Tom Cruise Will Smith
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Tom Hanks Val Kilmer Mark Wahlberg
Will Smith Mark Wahlberg
Image removed. Image removed. Image removed.
John Travolata Wesley Snipes Wesley Snipes

 

 
 
 

VIDEO OF THE WEEK


 

 

ALL CAPS CUSTOMER REVIEW OF THE WEEK

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And so ends this week's Weird News. As a special bonus, here is a Mr.
Nanny plot
synopsis:
 

A friend persuades the former wrestling star
Sean to do a job as
bodyguard for the two kids of top manager Frank Mason - someone is
threatening him to get the plans for a secret micro chip. But when Sean
arrives at his house it turns out that he'll not only have to bodyguard
the spoiled brats, but also be their nanny, since they again scared
away their former one. From then on he's occupied more protecting
himself from the kids than them from the villain.

 
 
If you have any strange news stories, websites, or products, you may
submit them HERE.