I have a shameful confession to make: Occasionally I have a difficult time differentiating between various Hulk Hogan films. Most often, this issue manifests itself with regards to Mr. Nanny and Suburban Commando. I do recognize the difference in plot between the two "former pro wrestler is hired as a bodyguard for small children & a cyborg from space fights crime(?)" and yet to me, these features are still one and the same. Part of my confusion may stem from the fact that I have not seen either film, but I can't help but wonder if there isn't something more sinister afoot here.
But there's really no time for me to think about it right now. I have to post this dumb article.
WEIRD NEWS STORIES OF THE WEEKMan Charged With Beating of Quaduple Amputee
[A] man beat up a quadruple amputee because he was angry that she was blocking his view of the television, according to a criminal complaint filed in [District Court].Mmmm...Yummy Snake Bit Found in Green Beans
According to the complaint, [police] were called on a domestic assault case [and] found a 28-year-old woman sitting in a wheelchair. "Officers observed that all four of her limbs were amputated, her arms below the elbow and her legs above the knee," the complaint said.
"The defendant threw the victim to the floor and punched her with a closed fist in the mouth and face more than ten times," the complaint said.
Badass Russian Genius Refuses Million Dollar Prize
You know what I could really go for right about now? Some green beans. Mm, mm, mmm. Yes, nothing quite satisfies like a mouthful of delicious Houston's Own beans! Let me just pour the bag out into my bowl he-- hello! What's this? A large chunk of garter snake? What a delightful surprise! I'll wolf it down immediately! *gobble* ... *smack* ... *snarf*
Oh yeah. Let me tell you: It's hard not to be refreshed after a meal like that! What a treat.
A 43-year-old unemployed bachelor who lives with his elderly mother in Russia [has] won $1 million for solving a problem that has stumped mathematicians for a century [and] can't decide if he wants the money.Religion Kills Child
"He said he would need to think about it," said James Carlson, who telephoned Perelman with the news he had won the Millennium Prize awarded by the Clay Mathematics Institute of Cambridge, Mass.
Rukshin said Perelman has been without work for four years and has declined all job offers. He previously worked at the Steklov Mathematics Institute. "As far as I know, after there was so much media attention ... he did not want to be a public person and to look like an animal in the zoo," Rukshin said.
GEORGETOWN, Guyana - A 14-year-old girl has died after neighbors and a local pastor tried to treat her convulsions with an exorcism at a church, and Guyanese police said Friday they are investigating.
Sangeeta Persaud began to have convulsions as she was drinking tea for breakfast at her grandmother's home in Canal Number Two. The woman said neighbors arrived to help, and a local pastor convinced them she was suffering from demonic possession. After trying to cast out the demons at her home [neighbors] carried her to a church, where the pastor and aides rubbed or pounded on her stomach and had her drink lime juice.
She was finally taken to a hospital, where she died. Results from a preliminary autopsy were inconclusive and no one has been charged, but West said police were continuing to investigate.
It was not clear why the girl was not taken to a doctor earlier.
[The Lord could not be reached for comment].
SITE OF THE WEEK
(Celebrity Action Figure Lookalikes)
You really have to respect a man who dedicates his time to finding action figure heads which mildly resemble the faces of different celebrities and then posting them to a website. Well, I suppose you don't HAVE to respect him, but you probably will after you see the pictures I'm about to post. They are pretty great.
VIDEO OF THE WEEK
ALL CAPS CUSTOMER REVIEW OF THE WEEK
Hilary Duff - Metamorphosis
And so ends this week's Weird News. As a special bonus, here is a Mr. Nanny plot synopsis:
A friend persuades the former wrestling star Sean to do a job as bodyguard for the two kids of top manager Frank Mason - someone is threatening him to get the plans for a secret micro chip. But when Sean arrives at his house it turns out that he'll not only have to bodyguard the spoiled brats, but also be their nanny, since they again scared away their former one. From then on he's occupied more protecting himself from the kids than them from the villain.
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