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Stories this week include (but are not limited to!) a nude man
thrusting in a library, women morphing into dolphins, obscenely lowered
trucks, Metallica, and the unasked-for ability to create a terrifying
doll of yourself.
Thank you and thank you!


Accidentally Shown Lesbian Porn at School

Officials said students at a Cliff High School history
class in Silver
City were shown a film by a substitute teacher about the Paris 1919
Treaty of Versailles, but the beginning of the tape contained a few
seconds of footage depicting two nude women, one of whom was
[The Superintendent] said the tape shown Feb. 11 was a program recorded
from the History Channel and had apparently been taped over
pornographic materials. Pool said the teacher who left the tape to be
played by the substitute was shocked at the pornographic content and
had shown the tape previously without the explicit materials becoming

Say Man Got Naked In Library, Stole Children's Books

[A] 58-year-old employee told police she was working in the
at 10:30 a.m. and assisted a man in making book selections. She
returned to her desk and looked up to see the man step out from behind
a bookcase, completely naked.
The man "thrust his hips in the direction" of the woman, but didn't
make any other movements toward her. The employee went upstairs and
called police. By the time officers got there, the man had fled through
an emergency exit, taking his clothes and the children's books with him.

Complains to Cops of Hashish Hallucinations

Police in Sweden said a man walked into a local precinct to
about the quality of hashish he had purchased from a dealer.

Eslov police said the 26-year-old man told police he was a frequent
user of marijuana [but] the latest batch of hash he purchased [made]
him feel like his TV was talking to him and his girlfriend was turning
into a dolphin.

Arrogant Girl Refuses to Do Schoolwork Due to Asshole Parents

A North Carolina high school student said she was willing
to sacrifice
her honor roll grades to avoid writing an essay contrary to her
Christian beliefs. [The girl], a student at Gray's Creek High School in
Fayetteville, said her English class was instructed to write essays
making deals with the devil as part of a curriculum studying Washington
Irving's short story "The Devil and Tom Walker."
Trough said her [delusions] bar her from writing about deals with the
"I believe you don't write about how to sell your soul to the devil,"
she said [whipping her hair over her shoulder and flouncing out of the
room, while her teacher rolled his eyes].
The girl's parents said they agreed with their daughter.
"We can't allow God into the classrooms, but yet they are going to
allow the devil in the classroom, that's the way I felt," said her
mother, [snorting haughtily and biting down into the lid of a can of
beans with her single remaining tooth]. "They were told if they didn't
do it they would get a zero."
[Teachers] have now given her an alternate subject for her essay, how
and why money is important [in order to shut her and her parents the
fuck up]. She said the new essay subject is acceptable [and dismissed
the teacher with a wave of her chubby hand, delighting in the knowledge
that the public school system was so receptive to the childish whims of
a single mountain-bred family].

Claims Mascot Assaulted Him With Hot Dog

A Kansas, man's lawsuit against the Kansas City Royals
alleges he
suffered an eye injury from a hot dog thrown by team mascot Sluggerrr.

[The man] filed a suit in Jackson County Circuit Court alleging he
suffered a detached retina and cataracts after he was struck in the eye
by a hot dog tossed by the mascot during a Sept. 8 home game at
Kauffman Stadium, The Kansas City Star reported Wednesday.

"(Sluggerrr) attempted to throw a hot dog into the stands with a throw
behind his back," the suit states. "Instead of throwing the hot dog at
an arch high into the stands, (Sluggerrr) lost control of his throw, or
was reckless with his throw, and threw the hot dog directly into
plaintiff, who was sitting a few feet away."

Mom Allegedly Runs Through School With Sword

Police said the mother of an elementary school student
drank a 40 ounce
bottle of malt liquor before brandishing a sword in her child's school.
The woman, 32, apparently intended to confront the parents of another
child who had been in a spitting match with her child the previous day.

[An] employee at Riverview Elementary School in Memphis reported a
drunk woman armed with a sword was running through the halls of the
school and had threatened to cut her.


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Like most American men who didn't attend college, I'm a huge fan of
small, impractical US-Built trucks of limited reliability! It should go
without saying that I also enjoy the act of "lowering" these trucks
within decimeters of the ground, or raising them to gaudily dangerous
heights for no apparent reason at all. Of course I realize that it look
absolutely ridiculous and that it robs the automobile of what little
functionality it originally possessed rendering it nearly undrivable
under any number of common circumstances, but sheeeeat, it's just plan
And if you don't mind me sayin' so, driving a beast like this is also a
sure-fire way to get chicks. Sure, some people like to claim that "any
girl who's trashy enough to ostensibly sleep with a man because he
drives a certain style of vehicle is certainly trashy enough to sleep
with that same man if he got her only slightly drunk" but I'm not
having any of it. I've found that there's a certain class of woman who
appreciates a lowered vehicle, and that's certainly good enough for me.
That's why I love Mini Truckin, it celebrates the lifestyle I've chosen
to lead: Getting wasted on watery American beer while listening to
corporate rock radio, and then sobbing while jerking off to a calendar
featuring photos of abnormally busty Asian women with horsefaces in
leather clothing standing in front of hot pink 1994 GMC Sonomas. Yeap,
life is pretty sweet.
Here are a few of my favorite rides, as featured on the site.

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Custom Doll of Yourself From

Awesome. I've been looking to get an unsettling misshapen doll of
myself for quite some time now.


- St. Anger
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I have nothing more to say, except this:

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