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There's not really much I can say about this week's
Weird News column that hasn't already been said a thousand times over,
but here's a short poem I wrote about it.
Astronauts snorting coke,
The baby Jesus covered in urine.
Casting spells brings love,
Creamed and cropped for Dragon Ball Z

Thank you.

Weird News Stories of The Week

Cocaine
Found in NASA Hangar

NASA is investigating how a bag of cocaine got into the
hangar that
houses space shuttle Discovery at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida.
NASA spokesman Allard Beutel said Thursday that the bag contained a
tiny amount of the illegal substance. It was found by a worker in a
secure part of the hangar that is accessible by about 200 NASA
employees and contractors.

Man
Poses as Baseball Player, Steals Car

Authorities in Utah said a man stole a car from a
dealership by
claiming to be a Major League Baseball player and promising to return
to pay later. Papers filed in Utah state court charge [the man] with
using documents identifying him as Chicago Cubs outfielder Tyler Colvin
to buy a $50,000 2010 Dodge pickup Tuesday from a Ken Garff dealership
in West Valley City with the promise to return with payment the
following day.

Burglar
Steals Only Shoes, Photos of Men

Newark police are looking for a burglar who steals men's
shoes and
photos that depict men. Five homes have been burglarized since Dec. 26
by a man who entered through an unlocked door or window or forced entry
through a rear door.

Police said the burglar searches the bedrooms and makes off with men's
shoes and photographs of men.

Man
Comes Home, Finds Hooded Stranger Doing Laundry

A 19-year-old man came home about 3 p.m. Thursday and heard
his dryer
running.He had no clothes in it, so he went to see who did. The dryer
is behind a screen door on the patio of the home in the 1500 block of
Stonehaven Drive in Boynton Beach.
 
The teen discovered a hooded stranger doing his laundry. Upon
confrontation, the hot-air thief grabbed his clothes and ran away,
according to a police report.

Student
Apologizes For Urinating on Baby Jesus

A student at a northeastern Pennsylvania Roman Catholic
college has
apologized for urinating on a public nativity scene. The student, 22,
said Monday he "was being a drunken idiot" a day earlier when he
urinated on the nativity scene in Wilkes-Barre's public square.

He was charged with public drunkenness, indecent exposure, open
lewdness and desecration of venerated objects.

Floor
at Weight-Watchers Meeting Collapses (...)

The participants said they were gathered at the Vaxjo
clinic Wednesday
night to measure the amount of weight they had lost with the help of
the program when they heard a loud noise shortly followed by the
collapse of the floor.

"We suddenly heard a huge thud; we almost thought it was an earthquake
and everything flew up in the air. The floor collapsed in one corner of
the room and along the walls," one of the members said.

The group said the floor then gave out in other parts of the room and
the smell of sewage spread throughout the area.

Shitty Website of The Week

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When I first discovered Kyra Meadows Spell Casting Site, I was somewhat
skeptical. I asked myself "How could a spell cause things to
happen...are spells even real?" Well it turns out that they are. I know
this because the person who made this website charges large ammounts of
money to perform spells for them, and people wouldn't pay money for
something which was impossible. So obviously magic must be real.
 
Here are some of the spells you can purchase (oh, sorry, "donate for")
and their prices:

LOVE ME NOW SPELL - $120

Grows feelings of love towards you in your intended.
 

REUNITE US SPELL - $120

Fixes relationship problems in existing or past relationships.
 

FAST CASH SPELL - $100

If you have a bill you needed to pay yesterday, or you need a quick sum
of money very fast, this spell is for you.
 

RICH LIFE SPELL - $120

Do you dream of a life of luxury and riches? People who have ordered
this spell have gone on to see what they refer to as 'money miracles'.
 

AURA CLEANSING - $120

Clear negative energies or "bad vibes" from your aura.

And just in case you still think this is some kind of scam (shame on
you) I offer you a few more pieces of evidence that this site is for
real:
 

1. The spellcaster's name is Kyra Meadows

This combination of a somewhat new-agey first name and reasonably
nature-y last name has been favored by spellcasters since the beginning
of time.
 

2. The spellcaster provices a number of photgraphs of herself in
flowing robes

A number of soft focus photos of a mildly attractive white woman in
billowy clothing in some sort of glen or meadow go a long way towards
convincing me she is a witch.
 

3. The spellcaster gives her "word"

As we all know, a man's word is his bond. I assume this goes for women
as well, so this promise holds a lot of weight:

*I WILL NEVER ASK FOR ANY MORE MONEY FROM YOU TO COMPLETE
YOUR SPELL.*
A common 'trick' of some unethical spell casters is to email you
partway through the spell and say that there has been a problem, and in
order to continue, they will need more from you. I will never do that
to you, you have my word.

This is reassurring to say the least. So long as you've paid--er, I
mean DONATED--the original $125 dollars for that "remove curse" spell,
the caster won't try to "scam" you by asking for any more. What a
relief!
 
4. Kyrameadows.com provides a LENGTHY WALL OF LEGAL TEXT
Only real businesses do this, so obviously this site is legit.
Especially comforting is this short passage from the second paragraph

Your usage of these products constitutes a spiritual
endeavor and no
guarantees or warranties are made, expressed, or implied as to the
results of these spiritual endeavors whether made by you or us.

So there you have it. The spells might not do anything at all (so don't
ask for you money back if they don't), but aside from that, everything
is 100% above board.
 
I have to say, it's nice to see an honest business for once.
 
 

Video of The Week

 


Product of The Week

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This is an excellent buy for anyone who is interested in the medical
legal aspects me medical records. I purchased this as a gift for my ex
father-in-law (a retired firefighter) and he went absolutely ape for
it! His wife tells us he reads it every day, and just can't get enough.
As a gift,  I would rate this book a 10/10.

 

All Caps Customer Review of The Week

Dragon
Ball Z - Season One (Vegeta Saga)
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And that's that.