Web Detritus (Week of 07.11.10)

Blown Out FacegirlA haphazard collection of cool links, weird news stories, and random crap exhumed from all corners of the internet.
 
This week: Drug Addled Men Attacked By Drug Clowns, Ancient PC Advertisements, Prosthetic Leg Fires, Tomato Sauce Drownings, Murderous Apes, & The Periodic Table of Swearing.
 


WEIRD NEWS

Man Believed Clowns Were Attacking Home
Police responded early Friday to a call of shots fired at a home in Roberts and found a man apparently hallucinating an attack by clowns. The 40-year-old man, armed with a shotgun, had fired several shots in his mother's home. It also appeared that he fired a shot at his mother and visiting father as they fled from the home in a vehicle, said St. Croix County Sheriff Dennis Hillstead.

Police arrived about 4 a.m. and surrounded the home. The man came to the door at one point and was "yelling at what he could see in the yard, but there was nothing there," Hillstead said. The man went back into the home and fired more rounds, Hillstead said. In total, about 22 shotgun rounds were fired into the walls and ceiling of the home.
 
The man then went to the porch with the shotgun in hand and a bag of ammunition around his neck. He did not respond to police commands, but after the man slipped and fell, deputies were able to take him into custody, Hillstead said.

[The man] indicated he had taken a hallucinogenic drug. He said he believed that people dressed as clowns were attacking his mother's home and that he had shot and killed a number of them.
Prosthetic Leg Set Aflame Over Drinking Bet
A 47-year-old man's friends set his prosthetic leg on fire after he lost a drinking bet, causing him to suffer severe burns to his buttocks and lower back. Dona Ana County sheriff's deputies found the man naked on the side of U.S. Route 70 with his prosthetic leg in flames. Deputies learned that the man and his friends were drinking Monday and bet that whoever drank the least would be set on fire.

The man told investigators that at six beers, he drank the least, and agreed to let his friends set him on fire.

He said his friends ignited his prosthetic leg, and the flames spread to his body. 
Awesome Elderly Robber Is Pretty Awesome
New York police said a geriatric robber with a cane and an oxygen tank fired three shots at a clothing store before fleeing empty handed. Police sources told the New York Post the man, believed to be in his 70s, announced a stickup at 9 p.m. Friday at high-end clothing store Sarar and fired off a round at a fleeing customer [and] two rounds at the manager.

"You want one? You want another one?" the sources quoted the man as saying.

The suspect fled in a [huge] black Cadillac, police said.
Law Student Sues Idiot Lawyer For Being An Idiot
Texas law student who took a defense lawyer's $1 million challenge from a "Dateline NBC" interview is suing for the money he claims he is owed. Dustin Kolodziej of the San Antonio area said attorney James Mason offered in a "Dateline NBC" interview he would pay $1 million to anyone who could prove him wrong in claiming his client, Nelson Serrano, could have made it from Florida's Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport to the La Quinta Inn, a 3-mile distance, in under 28 minutes, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported Monday.

"I challenge anybody to show me. I'll pay them a million dollars if they can do it," Mason told the interview.

Kolodziej said he got off a plane at the airport, took his car from the parking garage and made it to the inn in just 19 minutes, capturing the whole experience on a camcorder. However, Mason refused to pay the $1 million reward, claiming the offer was a figure of speech.
Six Factory Workers Drown In Vat Of Tomato Sauce
Six workers drowned after falling into a giant vat of tomato sauce at a factory in India, the Indian Express reported. The horrifying incident unfolded Wednesday evening when a female worker slipped and fell into the 6m deep tank. As five colleagues dived in to grab her they were all overcome by fumes given off from fermenting vegetables and drowned, the newspaper said.

Two more workers were in a hospital following the tragic incident at the Akansha Food Products unit in Lucknow, in the Uttar Pradesh region of northeastern India.

The factory owner was taken into custody, the Indian Express said.
Ungrateful Crippled Monkey Murders Chickens
A Chinese man who saved a one-armed, one-legged monkey says the primate has paid him back - by killing all of his chickens. Li Chun, from Menghai village, Yunnan province, says the monkey has become a member of his family since he nursed it back to health. He found the monkey's right arm and left leg were rotten and took it home where he cut off the decayed limbs and gave it anti-inflammatory medication.

It has become to devoted to the family and performs many chores around the home - but it also copies everything Li does. When it saw him crack some eggs to make a meal it went into the hen coop and smashed all of the eggs it could find. And when Li slaughtered a chicken, the monkey copied him and has since killed about 80 chickens, reports the Chuncheng Evening Post.

"From then on, whenever it's not occupied, it jumps into the chicken pen, and kills the chickens, no matter how big or small, and tries to pluck them," said Li.


"His record is nine chickens in one day. The lesson I have learned is to never slaughter a chicken in front of a monkey."

COOL STUFF

The Periodic Table Of Swearing [NSFW]
 
When Cellphone Autocorrect Goes Wrong

30 Old & Awesome PC Ads

Confessions Of An English Opium Eater (Full Book)
 
Infographic: What Can Billions Buy You?
 
A Reasonably Detailed History Of The Mullet
 
Funniest Last Words Throughout History
 
Chart Showing Who Voices Who on The Simpsons
 
Coca-Cola: An Empire Built On Murder, Rape, Kidnapping, Torture, And Paramilitary Mercenaries?

Shock: Designer Sunglasses Are A Kind Of A Ripoff

Borderline Incomprehensible: A Mathematical Theory For Visual Hallucinations

 

LETS GET READY TO SUCK IT

 

ALL CAPS CUSTOMER REVIEW OF THE WEEK

All Caps Customer Review
 


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