Frosty The Snowman: Epitaph

Frosty SnowmanDecember 02, 1952 A.D. – I am born once again. I do not know the how or the why; I know only that I live. I gaze about with wonder. I could not have imagined the incredible changes which have swept across the face of this world in the many centuries I have slept. Great stone towers belch clouds of black smoke into the skies. Strange boxes of moving light and glass speak and display images. Terrible mechanical beasts roam the streets, roaring and howling. I am filled with awe and fear. What has become of this world I had known? 

George Lucas & The Wedding

We went into the church and walked over to the bar. George stood still for a moment, crossing himself and then began to wring his hands. I shook my head, touching his shoulder.

“Maybe we shouldn’t.” I said, "Anyway it doesn't seem right. How many churches do you know that keep a fully stocked bar? How many, I ask you?"

The Magic Youth

Youth BlackThe Magic Youth has a terrifying history. It was first translated in the early 16th century by Chinese philosopher Ling Ping. One day Ping was playing paper dragons in his back yard with his grandfather when he stubbed his toe on a stone slab which stuck out from the grass. He unearthed this slab, and upon it he found The Magic Youth carved. This myth was said to have been lost centuries ago when Ling Ping died and had the slab buried with him. Fortunately, someone has recently desecrated Ping’s tomb and braved the curse of Ping so that I might bring you this amazing legend, which I believe is still shockingly relevant, even today. Remember that this myth will be phrased and formatted oddly and seem to use words incorrectly because it has been carefully translated from an extremely ancient Chinese text.

The Splendid Professor Filchbottle

Old Bean
By Jones
On March 2nd, 1914, my life was changed forever. I was taking a walk along Baker Street in order that I might reach my office uptown. Normally, I would have driven but I had been quite angry with my driver, who could never seem to figure out how to take a bloody right turn without making me spill whatever tasty elixir I was sipping on that particular day. Good help is so very difficult to find, isn't it?

The Detective

Chapter 2,223

Detective Trevor Whipple sat at his desk eating a sandwich. Suddenly there came a knock on his office door.

"Who is it?" asked the detective, wiping the blood from his mouth and setting the severed head down gently.

"It's Daniel," said a voice outside the door.

The Detective stood and pulled up his pants, tucking in his shirt.

A Hobo's Tale

View From Hades

Upon dropping out of college, I took to riding the rails. I wanted to see the country thought a hobo’s eyes. I would ride for days with only my knapsack and a warm bottle of whiskey at my side. It was summer and the weather was fine. I met many fine men on these journeys; men like Tiny Joe, Tin-Can Pete, and Tommy the Gimp. These were fine all-American men; the backbone of a burgeoning economy.

An Interview With George Lucas

Streetlamp I had been standing under the buzzing streetlamp in the red light district for only a few minutes when I heard the scrape of approaching footsteps. I turned around to find myself staring into the battered face of George Lucas.

“Hhhhhhhelllo pal…” he spat, showering my face with flecks of blood and spit.

I stumbled backwards a few steps, nearly blacking out from the stench of cheap fortified wine.

A Date With George Lucas

Night It was just around 8 that I saw the headlights. I ran out the front door and down the steps, taking them two at a time. Pulling open the door, I settled into the passenger seat.

“Oh George!” I said, “I’d know those headlights anywhere!”

“Mmmph.” George said.

He sat hunched in the driver’s seat. The car was filled with a strange and heavy smoke.

Boy: Part 1

Boy is a story which is very dear to my heart. It was first published in the New England Journal of Medicine in 1971, and since that time it has been translated to 12 different languages.The story has garnered 12 literary awards, including the Staunton Award for Oblique Literature. And now, please enjoy part 1 of Boy.

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