Weird News & Links XXXL (12.13.09)

Welcome to this special XXXL edition of Weird News & Links. Because there were no updates throughout the last few days I've made sure to include 50% more content in this week's edition!* That's quite a value, and it all comes to you absolutely free of charge because of a generous eighteen cent donation made to this very site by our newest sponsor: Alpo brand dog slurry. Yes, Alpo. Alpo utilizes only the finest in horse meat for use in it's patented slurries, and with their all-new Perfect Strain Technology your canine companion will consume 32.6% less bone and gristle in each serving! Look for it in your grocer's freezer. Alpo: Makes Happy Dogs Happy.
*Statement may be untrue

Weird News & Links (Week of 12.06.09)

 Weird News Jedi
Wouldn't you know it, another week has gone by. Yes, time certainly does continue to move forward in a uniform fashion. And if you've got a few minutes of it free, go ahead and read on to see what's happened in the world of unimportant news in the last 50% of a fortnight. But hey, if you're busy or something, you can probably just go ahead and close the browser window right now. In fact, I hope you do. Come on, do it. Do it! I'm serious: do it. Go. Go! Leave this website and never come back! I don't need you around to have a good time, I can have fun all by myself! I'm a one man party I tell you!
Wait, come back, I changed my mind! Oh god. Please god no. I can't do this by myself. Please don't leave me here all alone.
It's so very lonely here...

Weird News & Links (Week of 11.29.09)

Cat Drives
Here's a quiz for you flyboy: Which character is famous for saying these phrases: "Somebody poisoned the waterhole!" "You're my favorite deputy!", and "There's a snake in my boot!"? If your answer was Woody from Toy Story, you'd be wrong! The answer is me. I say those things all the time. This is mostly due to the fact that I am a huge idiot who has nothing better to do than annoy the few friends and acquaintances he has left by randomly blurting out lines from children's films.

What does all this have to do with Weird News? Nothing at all, obviously. I just felt it had to be said.

And now the news.

Weird News & Links (Week of 11.22.09)

This week on Weird News & Links: Murderous lard thieves, Hitler's vintage automobile, dispatches from the television series Sister Sister, and the insane ramblings of an adult man who believes he has the soul of an ancient elf.
So yeah, pretty much just another normal week.

Weird News & Links (Week of 11.15.09)

Weird News
I've translated this week's introduction into a bunch of different random languages and then tried to get it back to english to make it more interesting, but it didn't really work out exactly how I had planned. Here it is anyway:
Dan dan Salam Hello all I'm sure you enjoyed reading the Sunday edition of Weird THIS Berit give link. Together we will plumb the dark The depth of palisade Internet, we can STORY THAT HAS FALLEN Tolerance tale Retako ITU our Collective. And rag like you!
Right? Anyway here's stuff.

Weird News & Links (Week of 11.08.09)

 Weird News  
This week: Jesus, child abuse, Quantum Leap & Kidz Bop. I've also featured a great site for anyone looking to purchase ghosthunting supplies. So if anyone out there has got one of the many mental disabilities or conditions which may cause a person to believe that spirits are actually real and is also a fan of exploiting the uneducated, be sure to check that out.
Also, just a quick request here: if anyone reading this happens to be an "actual" ghosthunter (or even believes in ghosthunters) I would ask that you please stop reading this now. You are dumb.

Weird News & Links (Week of 11.01.09) Hulk Hogan Memorial Edition!


According to some random quotation site I found, Hulk Hogan once claimed that he was "way into writing". I sincerely hope this is true, because if it is it means that I might some day be able to read something Hulk Hogan has written in order that I might see if he ends every other sentence with "brother" like he does when he talks. I really do enjoy the way he does that.
But in the interest of full disclosure: This article really has almost nothing at all to do with Hulk "Brother" Hogan. He is also not dead, contrary to what the wording of the title may imply. So let's just say that in celebration of his non-death, I've come up with a bunch of links to Hulk-Related (read: not even remotely Hulk-Related) things I found on the internet this week.

Weird News & Links (Week of 10.25.09)

This week's news roundup is dedicated to the fall holiday which most closely coincides with the date I am posting it. I will not say what this holiday is (to do so would be a blatant and desperate ploy for increased incidental readership), but it's a pretty decent one based on the idea of kids eating a bunch of garbage they got for free by begging while dressed like idiots. I respect this holiday so much in fact, that I've decided to post only news stories relating to it this week in celebration of it.
Well, either that, or I''ll put in a bunch of unrelated crap somewhat related to Christianity. (Also I have permanently changed the title of this series to "Weird News" because I kept forgetting how to spell "Bizarre" and it is harder to type.)

Bizarre News & Links (10.18.09)

Newspaper Bash
These weekly roundup articles are not nearly as easy to create as I had hoped. I mean look at this. Not only do I have to find all these stupid links and stuff, but I have to write a different opening paragraph every time. Then I have to arrange it in an HTML editor. It's obscene! And what, exactly, am I supposed to write in here? I just took care of the "lazy self aware opening paragraph about opening paragraphs" so I can't use that one again. At least not for a few months. I guess from now on I'm going to have to come up with something original. What a bunch of crap.
But what can you do? You pick of the pieces and you move on. So here are a bunch of photos, websites, and links which might be of interest to people with certain mental dysfunctions.

Bizarre News & Links (Week Of 10.11.09)

Broken News
We now live in the future. And oh what a terrifying future it is. Each day, wretched fearful shells of what were once men file like like drones into colonies of steel and glass to perform menial tasks for petty men with shriveled black hearts. Screaming beasts hurtle terrified passengers through the clouds, fueled by naught but fumes and flame. And small children gad through rubbish-heaped streets in the regalia of vagabonds and harlots. Such things are not godly, and should be expunged from the public consciousness.In service of this, I offer to you this tincture of news and information; a smorgasbord of wondrous stories, intriguing premises, and other ephemera from across the mechanosphere. I certainly hope that you
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