WEB DETRITUS

Weird News (Week of 02.21.10)

Weird News - Japan Butt Sniff
Stories this week include (but are not limited to!) a nude man thrusting in a library, women morphing into dolphins, obscenely lowered trucks, Metallica, and the unasked-for ability to create a terrifying doll of yourself.
 
Thank you and thank you!

Weird News (Week of 02.14.10)

Weird News - Scooter Man
In a daring move, I've changed the title of this series yet again. From now on it'll just be called "Weird News". You can save your letters and online petitions! I'll not change it back! Don't be nervous though, there's no sinister motive behind this change. I'm just getting tired of having to hold down shift and reach all the way up to the "7" to make that ampersand (or whatever it's called) symbol in the title. Talk about annoying.
 
Also, I am now accepting submissions for Weird News, so if you have something ridiculous or funny or offensive to share you can SUBMIT IT HERE.

Weird News & Links (Week of 02.07.10)

Weird News & Links - Dead Zebra
Kids today have no respect for the elderly. Yesterday, for example, I was out walking my cat Captain Planet and I spotted a group of children harassing an old woman who was carrying a loaf of fresh bread. They spat and shouted curses such as "Crippled Hag", "Diseased Hag" and "Drop Dead Hag!" Then one of them struck her in the face with an implement and they laughed and pushed her into the street and a car ran over her without even stopping. Overall I would give this behavior a 10/10 for spunk and a 0/10 for respect. Respect your elders kids.
 
This week in Weird News: Lotion thieves, pedophilic cartoon bears, Christian videogame reviews, and Russian tanks. Word.

Weird News & Links (Week of 01.31.10)

Weird News & Links - Lego People

Sorry to rush through this everybody, but I really have to hurry and get this intro done. My colostomy bag is leaking everywhere and the servant's mouths can only hold so much. I suppose that'll teach me to cheap on my taxes.

Here's what's going on this week in news: Kids biting cops, farmers building castles, paper shredders, and Walker: Texas Ranger.

Weird News & Links (Week of 01.24.10)

Weird News & Links - LSD Flying
There's a famous inspirational quote from Helen Steiner Rice that goes "Peace on earth will come to stay, When we live Christmas every day." I describe it as inspirational not because it makes my cold heart swell with joy at the promise of the human spirit, but rather because it inspires me to want to find Helen Steiner Rice and punch some sense into her idiot skull as punishment for spouting such meaningless nonsense. What could possess a person to actually vocalize this kind of garbage? Perhaps Syphilis rotted out her pea-sized brain out by Syphilis, we may never know. But what I do know is that I want to drive my fist into the liver-spotted face of Helen Steiner Rice.
 
Please note that I do not actually wish to punch Helen Steiner Rice in the head, nor do I actually know whether her brain was rotted out by syphilis. I do not actually even know who she is, but I'm sure she was a very nice lady. Also if you're wondering if any of this has to do with Weird News, it doesn't have anything to do with it.

Weird News & Links (Week of 01.17.09)

  Weird News & Links - Giant Rodent
Listen up people, this is Weird News & Links: A weekly roundup of all the most irrelevant & pointless news stories I could find without putting too much effort into it. I've also thrown a few interesting links in this week as well, including (but not limited to) Wearable Ninja Turtles Memorabilia & Stories About People Who Were Sexually Assaulted By Ghosts.
 
So let's get started, won't we?

Weird News & Links (Week of 01.10.10)

Weird News & Links - Surfin Granny
There's not really much I can say about this week's Weird News column that hasn't already been said a thousand times over, but here's a short poem I wrote about it.

Astronauts snorting coke,
The baby Jesus covered in urine.
Casting spells brings love,
Creamed and cropped for Dragon Ball Z


Thank you.

Weird News & Links (Week of 01.03.10)

Weird News & Links - Bullies
This week's edition of Weird News should be useless to 99.99% of the population, but extremely useful to the remaining 0.01%. Included amongst that minority would be: Persons who are desperately seeking a Kenny Rogers impersonator, fans of preteen early 00s rap superstar Lil' Romeo, cops who have sex in church, and Christians who believe they may be possessed by a demon.

Weird News & Links (Week of 12.28.09)

Weird News & Links
I would do something special in honor of this being the last week of weird news in 2009, but I use the Mayan calendar so technically this isn't even the new year for me. But on the bright side, I only have to do about 2 more years of these until the world comes to an end, which is nice.
 
Anyway: This week's post features horse grooming tips, walmart riots, sexy Fast & The Furious fanfiction, and wholly capitalized musings on thug romance.

Weird News & Links (Week of 12.20.09)

Weird News of the Week
Hello, and welcome to a very special "Back in The Old Days" edition of Weird News & Links. This week, I've decided to feature only stories and products which will bring back fond memories of times gone by. For example, how many of you remember watching the mildly popular late 80s television series Mr. Belvedere? None of you? Great! Then you'll be loving this halfhearted faux-homage I've thrown together of things people used talk about that nobody cares about anymore!
 
Let's take it to the streets!
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