WEB DETRITUS

Weird News (Week of 05.02.10)

Weird News 
I'm not going to insult you people by trying to pretend that this wasn't a slow news week. It was. Even for shitty "not-really-even-close-to-being-news" news. Seriously, look what I have: A story about a man asking for piggyback rides, alternative medicine fanatics getting what they deserve, a huge pile of corpses left to rot, and a Tony Danza fansite from the late 90s.
 
I think what I'm really trying to say here is: Don't read this article. There are far better ways for you to spend your time. Like attempting to slice some bread with a length of thin wire. Or seeing how high you can kick. Or talking to yourself in the shower. Stuff like that, you know?

Weird News (Week of 04.25.10)

Weird News - Cat Eating Pills
Amongst the topics addressed in this week's edition of weird news are: "What's the worst way to prove you aren't fat?", "Are restaurants allowed to deny entry to homosexual pets?" "What's the best prohibitively expensive way to survive the apocalypse?" "What do goats have against the Chinese?" And "Is Mousetrap still a good toy?"
 
To run though them quickly beforehand, the answers to these questions are as follows: "Bite a piece of someone off", "Yes?", "Vivos", "I'm unsure", and "No, it blows."

Weird News (Week of 04.18.10)

Weird News Klan Ferret
This week in the news: Burger King bun theft, George Washington charged with book pillaging, blowgun assault, and dogs running for public office. Also I've got a video montage highlighting infomercial actors failing to perform even the most basic of tasks, and a Mexican waterpark for sale.
 
I'd invite you to read on, but honestly it's probably not worth your time unless you're really bored. Do as you see fit.

Weird News (Week of 04.11.10)

Weird News - Old Bikers Flipping Off Camera
This week in news: Bar code scanners causing tourette's, deliberate projectile vomiting on children, whale rape, and gas pedal pressing fetishists.

Also, I'm reasonably certain that's the most insane sentence I've ever written.

Weird News (Week of 04.04.10)

Weird News - Pumpkin Photo
What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

Weird News (Week of 03.28.10)

Weird News - Rap Snacks
I have a shameful confession to make: Occasionally I have a difficult time differentiating between various Hulk Hogan films. Most often, this issue manifests itself with regards to Mr. Nanny and Suburban Commando. I do recognize the difference in plot between the two "former pro wrestler is hired as a bodyguard for small children &  a cyborg from space fights crime(?)" and yet to me, these features are still one and the same. Part of my confusion may stem from the fact that I have not seen either film, but I can't help but wonder if there isn't something more sinister afoot here.
 
But there's really no time for me to think about it right now. I have to post this dumb article.

Weird News (Week of 03.21.10)

Weird News of The Week - Abortion Flash
Oh news! Will you ever learn? Amongst this week's stories are the following things: Softcore Porn, Knife Stabbings, Syringe Stabbings, Paying for Online Dates With Women, & People Shouting About Little House on the Prairie.
 

Weird News (Week of 03.14.10)

Weird News - GI Joe
I think the only thing I need to say about this week's roundup is that it features the story of a man who supposedly committed suicide by stabbing himself repeatedly in the upper thigh with a large, blunt, souvenir pencil which held high sentimental value to him. I did not make this up.
 
Oh and also, I wrote into a freeze-dried pet website to see how much it would cost to freeze and pose my cat.
 
See for yourself below, if you feel like it.

Weird News (Week of 03.07.10)

Weird News - Cow Lady
As many of you may already know, this month is Dead Animal Preservation Month. It's important that we all take time out of our busy lives once and a while to look back upon the animals we have lost or deliberately killed. In addition to this, I believe strongly that we should also make at least a cursory attempt to preserve their lifeless corpses. In honor of this, I am hereby proclaiming this to be a very special "Dead Pet Preservation" edition of Weird News.  
 
I do hope very much that you (and the marble-eyed motionles dog posed stiffly in your living room) enjoy it.

Weird News (Week of 02.28.10)

Weird News Old People Fencing
This time around, a Chinese teacher stabs children with needles, illegal circumcision, and Rapid Crack Propagation in Polyethylene Pipes. Also some Polish guy eats a lottery ticket on an airplane. Oh world! You so crazy.
Syndicate content




What Now?