WEB DETRITUS

Web Detritus (Week of 07.11.10)

Blown Out FacegirlA haphazard collection of cool links, weird news stories, and random crap exhumed from all corners of the internet.
 
This week: Drug Addled Men Attacked By Drug Clowns, Ancient PC Advertisements, Prosthetic Leg Fires, Tomato Sauce Drownings, Murderous Apes, & The Periodic Table of Swearing.

Web Detritus (Week of 07.04.10)

Weird News Eyeball GuyA haphazard collection of fascinating links, weird news stories, and random crap exhumed from all corners of the internet.

This week: Walmart Masturbation, Godly Mutations, Ethnic Slurs, The World’s Worst Themeparks, High School Teacher Nudity, and Good News About LSD.

Web Detritus (Week of 06.27.10)

Web Detritus BearsI changed the name of this column from "Weird News" to "Web Detritus. Seeing as this is pretty much just an assemblage of all the leftover crap I find throughout the week and can't use anywhere else, I think the name fits.

So please enjoy this week's edition. Thank you, and thank you.

Weird News (Week of 06.20.10)

Weird News
To me, animals seem pretty gullible. Not just like how dogs always fall for the "pretend to throw a ball" trick either. I mean how whenever a superhero gets the ability to communicate with animals, the animals always do whatever he says. What, just because he now speaks your language you're suddenly willing to drop what you're doing and attack whoever he says? Some people have a lot nerve.

If I were a group of wandering badgers, and some human tried to boss me around, I'd just laugh and crawl back into my badger cave or wherever. Who are you to me? Some human who throws rubbish in the forest. Get lost.
 
But I guess I'm not a group of wandering badgers, so maybe I'll just keep my fat mouth shut.

Weird News (Week of 06.13.10)

Weird News - 06.13.10
Ho hum. Just another boring week of puppies being tossed at motorcycle gangs, cocaine-addicted funeral directors gyrating in the nude, 60 foot tall flaming Jesuses, library/condiment crime sprees, human head smugglers, nearly indecipherable alien abduction stories, and ice cream man turf wars.
 
If only something strange or mildly humorous would occur.

Weird News (Week of 06.06.10)

Weird News - Jackson Painting
This week: A(nother) woman rips off her boyfriend's testicle and chews on it, graves are double booked, children seem to attempt suicide, nuns grow marijuana, and nude men claiming to be Jesus act as crazy as they are expected to.

All of these stories, links, and so very much more has been made available to you after the break.

Weird News (Week of 05.30.10)

Weird News - Old Clowns
There are certain types of hats that only old men can wear. Fedoras, for example. If you see an old man wearing a fedora, you'd probably think "Look at that old man in his fedora, I bet he used to wear that in the 50s!" but if you saw a 20 year old wearing one, your thoughts would almost certainly be along the lines of "Hey, check out that asshole the fedora. Who he think he is, Humphrey Bogart?"

I think my point is that we all wear different hats in life (Baker, Communist Dictator, Avant Garde Beard Trimmer) but no hat is so important as the hat a father dons the day his child is born (the hat of fatherhood). This hat is often a harbinger of male postpartum depression, so be sure and keep a close eye on the man, for the time being.
 
And now the news.

Weird News (Week of 05.23.10)

Weird News - Hangin Out
This just in! This just in! Hoarders Buried Alive Under Mounds of Garbage! Kid Drinks Cup of Feces at Elementary School! Wild Animal Shanked in Prison Yard! Drunk Arsonist Behaves Irresponsibly! Humans Slurp Down Mexican Ringworms to Cure Diseases!
 
Alright, my use of "This just in" may have been somewhat disingenuous since all this crap happened over a week, but I really just like typing "This just in". This just in! This just in! Now If I could only work in "stop the presses" somehow my life would be complete. Maybe another time.

Weird News (Week of 05.16.10)

Weird News - Christmas Dinner
This time around: Toddlers Flung Through Windshields, Voodoo Grave Robbers, Sleeping Gas, An Innocent Man Requesting Guns From a Lawnmower, Abandoned Blind Women, and Nude Photos of Steven Seagal. OK, maybe not nude nude. Nude except for his clothes and shoes and eyes.
 
Also, from now on I'll be including a short list of links to cool stuff (top 10 lists, guides, infographics, etc) from around the internet. These will be at the end of the article under the heading of "Link Roundup", so go ahead and skip there if you want to see the best stuff (i.e. the stuff that wasn't written by me). But I hope you'll enjoy clicking the links as much as I enjoy pasting them on the page and subsequently hitting enter.

Weird News (Week of 05.10.10)

Weird News - Playground Shooting 
This week in reasonably interesting and mildly offbeat news: Yo-Yo championship fraud, alleged gropings by the handicapped, the gospel according to multiple felons, elderly crack dealers, Toby Keith's filthy molester mustache, & how to tell if you're a vampire.
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