MAN THINGS I CAN NOT DO

How To Not Know How To Fix Cars

Car RepairThere are many types of men. There are ingenious men, effeminate men, chessplaying men, steel-driving men, and men who play electric guitars. Some men wear derby hats and play pingpong, and others comb their filthy sideburns while whistling tunelessly. It's a hell of a thing.

I think my point is that it would be pointless to assign traits to ALL men, seeing as there are so many endless combinations of beliefs, abilities, and mental illnesses a single “man” can possess. But that doesn't stop people from trying: Men drive cars like this! Men love to fistfight! Men never ask for directions! Men eat corn chips! Men open cans of soup by heaving them at obstructions!  It's obscene. But anyway, now comes the part where I tell you about one of the manthings I don't know anything about: Fixing Cars.

Man Things I Cannot Do: Pipe Repair

HammerI often have trouble with basic motor skills. For example: I am completely unable to perform even the simplest of household repair tasks without nearly destroying (or at least unintentionally vandalizing) the thing which I am attempting to “fix”.

I blame most of this on my brain: “You have already spent more than three minutes performing this boring task,” it seems to say to me, “Rush and get it done in a haphazard fashion so we can go watch COPS.” Of course I always listen, because my brain always seems so smart (and also I really like COPS). But I suppose the bottom line is this: Keep reading if you want to see how pathetic I am.
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