FEATURED ARTICLES
A pathetic collection of the "Best" (read: least bad) articles on this site.
Worthless Guide to Job Searches
06.2009
So I assume the big question you're probably asking yourself right now is: "What do I do now?" Well, that part's easy: You get fired.
Grobnar Review Things
04.2009
So Grobnar think he help. Grobnar hungry. Grobnar not eat nothing in days. Well, Grobnar eat small bird, but that not fill Grobnar up. So Grobnar tell stories and get mammal meat. Grobnar mouth watering already.
Cheesy Catalog Review: Home Trends
03.2009
This is good news for me, because it probably means they have some crazy useless stuff for old people in here. I love it.
Animal Awards 2: Bears
02.2009
OK. You back? Did you actually try it? If you did, I’m sure you were probably able to think of about a hundred things which don’t involve bears at all. I guess you called my bluff, and I hope you’re satisfied. But in any case, here are my awards for Worst Famous Bears Ever.
Advice Column: Cars Cars (Cars)
12.2008
It also probably doesn’t help that I never actually told anyone about this column, how it works, or how to participate. But no matter, I found a bunch of automotive questions on various internet forums and I’ll just answer those here instead.
Pickup Lines: Worst of The Worst (Part 1)
12.2008
I realize that some of you may think it's a good idea to try pickup lines out on elderly uncles, emotionally damaged children, or a small painted box turtle. I can tell you from experience that these are not things you want to do, for various legal and ethical reasons. But I know you probably won't listen to me, so go ahead. After you’ve gotten out of prison, come back and continue reading for a roundup of the best (worst) pickup line articles I could find.
Worthless Guide to Survival - Part 6: The Cold
11.2008
Winter (11 Months): It's true.
Spring (15 Days) Temperatures rise to sightly above freezing. Snow turns to cold rain.
Worthless Guide to Pogs
10.2008
A certain time in recent American history: Tommy jukes down a dim elementary school hallway wearing in a green Starter Jacket, the sullen bass intro of Ice Ice Baby burbling
from a boombox on his shoulder. He passes a boy in
a faded Voltron T-Shirt. The boy mutters under his breath and probes
compulsively at the rubber basketball pump on the tongue of his scuffed
white shoe.
Worthless Guide to Anime (Redux) - Part 1
10.2008
“What is anime!?” Someone screams from a nearby rooftop, catching my attention as I pass by on the street. The wind whisks the words away before they reach my ears, forcing me to guess at his question. “7:36!” I shout back. Flustered, the man cups his hands to his mouth and tries again, “WHAT! IS! ANIME!” Unfortunately I do not hear this, as I have wandered into a nearby deli in order that I might purchase some pastrami.
Growing Old: A Guide for Fogies & Spinsters
04.2008
Frankly, if people like this would just take the time to learn about the elderly instead of deliberately running down helpless animals in the street, perhaps this world would be a better place. So, for the sake of education: Here is a Q&A in which I answer most (if not all) of the questions you might have about the elderly and growing old.
