MOVIES

Awful Film Fights: Double Dragon

Double DragonJanuary 14th 2096
Mother is sick again. I doubt she will make it another day, let alone a week as Doctor Fonsworth says. It is a cold world...

Note: Took a fight scene from the movie Double Dragon and added some music to it. Haven't seen Double Dragon yet, but found a great Amazon customer review which seemingly tells me everything I need to know about it:


From my point of view this movie is great!It may not be as good as the game but is still good.There are some funny parts and no swearing.Just to let you know that this movie is double the fun and double action.And also this is double dragon!


Here is the video. I hope you enjoy it.
Yours Truly In Love,
Stephen.

The Baron's Film Korner: Watchmen (Parental Guide)

WatchmensBy Martin "The Baron" Russmier
I'm just going to skip the festivities here and delve right into the meat of the second part of my review of The Watchman. Just fair warning though: This review is going to be a bit different from most of the reviews I write. I won't attempt to retell each plot point of the film blow-by-blow for y'all here (that would get boring quick, seeing as this movie is about 4 hours long).

Instead, I've decided to write this as sort of a Parent's Guide to The Watchman. I know I saw a few families in the theater when we viewed the film, so I figured there might be one or two hesitant daddies and mommies out there wondering if this film is appropriate for little Junior. So read on to find out how I rate this movie in four categories: Sex, Violence, Drugs, & Swearing!

The Baron's Film Korner: Watchmen

WatchmenBy Martin "The Baron" Russmier
Howdy folks! Welcome to another edition of The Baron's Film Korner. I am, of course, The Baron (AKA Martin Russmier), and I will be your host for today's festivities. The film I will be discussing today is Zach Schnieder's The Watchman. This is obviously a really popular film, and I'm going to assume that all of my readers have already seen it, so consider this a SPOILER WARNING SIGNAL! But if you didn't see The Watchman already, what are you waiting for!? Drop what you're doing and go see it post-haste!

This will be part 1 of my review, in which I'll go through each of the characters one by one, and one at a time, describing their strengths and weaknesses. Enjoy!

The Baron's Film Korner: Spider-Man

Spider KidBy Martin “The Baron” Hubley
If I had to choose a single superhero movie series to bring with me to a desert island, I would most definitely (or as they say in the streets “most deaf”) choose the Spider-Man Thrillogy.

These movies have everything a boy (or possibly a lesbian) could want. Action, love, mystery, and spider webs. I was going to dress in my childhood spiderman costume to write this, but it had one of those sharp plastic masks and it cut my face so I threw it out. Prepare to be whisked away into the web of fun weavened by Spiderman.

The Baron's Film Korner: Iron Man

Iron ManBy Martin “The Baron” Hubley
“Holla, me gusto La Baron, pero yo quiero los videojuegos!” For those of you who don’t speak Spanish, what I just said was “Hello, my name is The Baron and I love movies!” It’s a fun little exersize in ethnic languages, and it doesn't hurt that it's true too. Me and my big & beautiful girlfriend Tina live for films. Who ever said large girls don't know how to have fun? Certainly not me.

Today I’m going to be reviewing two very different (but very similar) superhero films. The first is The Iron Man starring Robert Downing Junior, and the second is the George Clooney vehicle Michael Clayton.

The Baron's Film Korner: Batman

BatmanBy Martin “The Baron” Hubley
Howdy folks, your old friend the Barron here again with episode 2 of The Baron's Film Korner. I would like this to be a regular feature, but I’m not quite sure if the dumbat who runs this site will allow it.

 I feel it would help pull this site up by its pathetic bootstraps. Judging from the quality of other articles I’ve seen around here, they need all the help they can get. Anyhoo, in this article I’ll discuss the newest batman films Batman Begins, and Batman Begins 2.

The Baron's Film Korner: Hulks

HulkmaniaBy Martin “The Baron” Hubley
Greetings viewers, it’s your old pal The Baron here again with another great article! I apologize for not writing sooner, but my social life tends to get in the way. I’ve had to attend to the needs of my large and lovely girlfriend Tina lately, as she’s been down in the dumps ever since our dog Frenchie became pinned under the sink (don’t ask).  

Dead pugs aside; my life has been pretty sweet and sassy lately, partially due to the large number of superhero movies which have recently graced our theaters. So this  will cover the two Hulk films (the new one, and the old classic). I plan on making this a series so consider yourselves lucky.

Video: Awful Film Fights

I have an affection for “bad” films and television shows. I suppose I get a sick sort of joy seeing unskilled people trying very earnestly to accomplish something and failing spectacularly at it. But anyway, while watching the uninspired fights in many these movies I often found myself wondering if they couldn't have been made more entertaining with a more dramatic soundtrack. So I decided to find out, and added new music to fights from Silent Rage, Walker: Texas Ranger, Bruce Lee Fights Back from the Grave, American Ninja 3, and Kickboxing Academy. I think the results speak for themselves.

Awful Scifi Tech: The 6th Day & Total Recall (Creepy Android Edition)

6th Day
By Kevin
Funnyman Arnold Schwarzenegger has starred in two reasonably popular science fiction films, The 6th Day and Total Recall. Aside from taking place in the future and being goofy to the point of near insanity, these films also share another common trait: They both contain supercreepy androids. In The 6th Day it’s SimPal Cindy, a gape-mouthed animatronic mannequin child with beady eyes. In Total Recall it’s JohnnyCab, who looks a bit like an evil ventriloquist dummy version of Don Knotts dressed like a 1920s bus driver. Be warned that this article contains a number of frightening pictures and videos of these creatures, so it should probably not be viewed by small children or pets.

Awful Sci-fi Tech: Dune

Dune Fatman

Many science fiction films portray the future as a beautiful place where sleek chrome ships glide through skies, cybernetic servants cater to our every whim, and war is but a distant memory. In Dune however, the future is apparently the 70s. Drab, puffy-haired men wander around cheap sets in a druggy haze while mumbling vaguely religious threats, everyone wears unflattering jumpsuits, and seemingly, only three colors of paint exist: brown, green, and burnt orange. But most importantly, Dune takes place in a future where humans have seemingly disregarded all previous technological advancements in favor of a bunch of crappy stuff they found in junkyard somewhere.
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