5 Aggressively Unpleasant Movies You Probably Shouldn't See On A First Date

Worst First Date Movies Ever - Antichrist
Recently, I performed an internet search for "Worst First Date Movies". I did this because, at the time, I was interested in reading a list of offensive or controversial films which might make for awkward first-date viewing. Unfortunately, none of the articles I managed to find fit this description.
Some were simply lists of mildly scary or violent horror films ("Don't take your date to see Chuckie or The Grudge 2!"), others were filled with blatantly obvious or borderline idiotic choices ("Deliverance! Schindler's List! Kids! Caligula!"), and most of the rest appeared to have been written by brain-damaged ESL students battling prescription drug addictions ("Number 10: Aids disease is not become laughing. But does your date? Potential.")
So seeing as none of these were particularly useful to me, I decided to attempt to fill this void by creating my own list of Bad First Date Movies. And while I can't promise you quality, I can promise some measure of quantity. So there's that.
Oh, and also, I reveal nearly every single meaningful plot point in all of these films. So take that into account before you read this.

Engrish Movie Reviews: Year 2010 Summers Blockbust

Engrish Movie Reviews
This summer, patron must gird throbbing loins with the fun which the large expensive film can bring. Which is to say: Loving will induce a fun. Respect the joyful picnic. The summer movie proposes this: Escape your trouble! Escape the career which you is miserable! Escape the nagger cruelty of a wife whom pulverizes your joy! In the paid theaters, your environment is controlled in compliance with pleasant temperature. Appearing on the screen is a coitus grudge which improves the virility of men who view it.
From here we list the films: Iron Man 2, Macgruber, and Crown Prince of Persia. Speak these, becoming satiated. Acclamation inserted!

Review: 6 Overrated Films From The IMDB Top 250

6 Overrated Films From The IMDB Top 250 - Star Trek
In case you hadn't noticed, I'm this guy who runs his own website. This makes my opinion only slightly more valuable than some random guy in a baseball cap who signed up for IMDB and gave The Truman Show 10 stars. Only slightly more valuable, but more valuable nonetheless.

So you just know that when I decide to review of a number of fairly old films which I believe to be wrongfully beloved, people are going to listen. And by "people", I mean "not very many people at all and possibly nobody". And by "are going to listen", I mean "are going to skim the intro and maybe the first paragraph and before clicking over to an article written by somebody with actual talent".

In any case, here is a short list of movies I don't really like that somehow made it on the IMDB Top 250, causing me to become slightly exasperated.

Review: Clash of the Titans 3D

Review - Clash of The Titans 3D- 19th Century Gentleman
By The Sentient Portrait of an Early 19th Century Gentleman
Early 19th Century GentlemanUpon the morning's first light, I vacated my diggings and pointed my velocipede towards the local theater, my intentions being to view the latest moving picture: Clash of the Titans. Upon my arrival I was put into a fine pucker upon discovering that a gape-mouthed boodle of border ruffians had seen fit to congregate at the entrance. My first inciliation was to absquatulate then and there, but as it had been a coon's-age since I had attended a performance of this sort, I soon acquiesced.
I planked down the funds required (far from a pittance, I assure you!) and made my way into the theater at full chisel, more than a bit wrathy at the shine-cuttings of the soaplocks who filled the lobby.


The Script for Crash Sucked So I Rewrote It

The Script For Crash Sucked So I Rewrote It - Paul HaggisBy Acclaimed Film Director Paul Haggis
Hello, I'm acclaimed film director Paul Haggis. I've written scripts for hit family shows such as Walker: Texas Ranger, The Facts of Life, and [Hey,] Whose the Boss [Is This?]. Most recently, I penned the script to the (triple) Oscar winning film Crash which starred actors like Don Cheadle, Sandra Bullock, Keith David, Don Cheadle, and Don Cheadle.
While crash was a huge success, I was never quite satisfied with the way it turned out. Due to pressure from studio bigwigs, I was forced to tone down the "obscenely unrealistic characters & situations" and "dialogue so laughable it seems to have been written by someone who is completely unfamiliar with the way normal human beings speak or interact with one-another"(their words), leaving my script toothless and ambiguous (the film is anti-racism, in case you were wondering).
So that's why I've decided to share my original vision for Crash with the world. Here's just a short excerpt. Hope you enjoy it.

Haggis, Out.

The Baron's Top 10 Movies of 2009

Top 10 Movies of 2009 - Rambo
By Martin "The Baron" Hubley
The BaronGreetings and salutations viewers! This is your old pal The Baron here, ringing in the new year for one and all. I was thinking about the best way to celebrate the fresh century and I came up with what I think is a pretty darn fantastic idea: I would create a list of my favorite movies of 2009! So that's exactly what I did, I went through "fave films" section my dream journal and picked out the rootinist, tootinist, shootinist list of the greatest movies I had seen last in the old zero niner.
So grab a sack of butter and cover your heads, because Baron Marty's about to drop some movie knowledge on yall's heads.

Top 5 Movies of All Time!

By Martin "The Baron" Hubley
As many of you may be aware, I am quite practitioner of watching amazing movies. I often get requests from my friends for recommendations of what movies I think are the "Best Ever". "The Baron" they have been known to say to me, "There are so many movies out there! What's the quint's essential film I can watch to increase my carnal knowledge of movies and films?" The answer, I always have to tell them, is not so simple that can be said in a single sentence. So I decided to head them off at the past by creating this essential short list of what I believe to be the greatest movies ever made.  
These are not only high budget studio picks either, I've also included some lower budget (AKA "Indy" films) on this list for your viewing pleasure. So sit back, pop open a Dew and a bag of Poffs, and enjoy this fun-soaked ride into movie greatness.

Engrish Movie Reviews: Part 2

Engrish SignBuoyant greetings my friend, from the sunny desert land! My name is Bazul and today I reviewing more most populars of film from United State! I am happy discuss detail of the movies with great herein. More than fun adventure! Teaching you about it movies as well!
So here we are today, let us talk about these artistic films: The Matrix! Memento! Jaws! Truly if these films are popular, they are also made! So come joining me and reviewing them all! And diving  into the excitement of movie! Blast time!

Engrish Movie Reviews: Part 1

Where We're Going...We Don't Need RoadsHello and hail and well meet! My name is Bazul and I am coming from United Arab Emerate! I am here today to be talking to you about the best films of America! America is being a great country and the films of America are being great as well (if logic proceeds)!

Some films are great, but some are greater even than others of this style! This article means to talk about only the greatest. So come with and join me to see the sights of great America films! Todays reviews are: Transformers Movie, Get Back to The Future, Ghostbuster, and The Evil Dead 2.
(I am translate this page for you from the language of my country, so please do not be ashamed if there are some mistakes or parts are broken).
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