MOVIES
5 Aggressively Unpleasant Movies You Probably Shouldn't See On A First Date
Some were simply lists of mildly scary or violent horror films ("Don't take your date to see Chuckie or The Grudge 2!"), others were filled with blatantly obvious or borderline idiotic choices ("Deliverance! Schindler's List! Kids! Caligula!"), and most of the rest appeared to have been written by brain-damaged ESL students battling prescription drug addictions ("Number 10: Aids disease is not become laughing. But does your date? Potential.")
So seeing as none of these were particularly useful to me, I decided to attempt to fill this void by creating my own list of Bad First Date Movies. And while I can't promise you quality, I can promise some measure of quantity. So there's that.
Oh, and also, I reveal nearly every single meaningful plot point in all of these films. So take that into account before you read this.
Engrish Movie Reviews: Year 2010 Summers Blockbust
From here we list the films: Iron Man 2, Macgruber, and Crown Prince of Persia. Speak these, becoming satiated. Acclamation inserted!
Review: 6 Overrated Films From The IMDB Top 250
So you just know that when I decide to review of a number of fairly old films which I believe to be wrongfully beloved, people are going to listen. And by "people", I mean "not very many people at all and possibly nobody". And by "are going to listen", I mean "are going to skim the intro and maybe the first paragraph and before clicking over to an article written by somebody with actual talent".
In any case, here is a short list of movies I don't really like that somehow made it on the IMDB Top 250, causing me to become slightly exasperated.
Review: Clash of the Titans 3D
Upon
the morning's first light, I vacated my diggings and pointed my velocipede towards the
local theater, my intentions being to view the latest moving picture:
Clash of the Titans. Upon my arrival I was put into a fine pucker upon
discovering that a gape-mouthed boodle of border ruffians had seen fit
to congregate at the entrance. My first inciliation was to
absquatulate then and there, but as it had been a coon's-age since I
had attended a performance of this sort, I soon acquiesced.I planked down the funds required (far from a pittance, I assure you!) and made my way into the theater at full chisel, more than a bit wrathy at the shine-cuttings of the soaplocks who filled the lobby.
The Script For Crash Kind Of Sucked, So I Went Ahead And Rewrote It
By
Acclaimed Film Director Paul HaggisHello, I'm acclaimed film director Paul Haggis. I've written scripts for hit family shows such as Walker: Texas Ranger, The Facts of Life, and [Hey,] Whose the Boss [Is This?], but most recently I penned the script to the (triple) Oscar winning film Crash which starred actors like Don Cheadle, Sandra Bullock, Keith David, Don Cheadle, and Brendan "That Guy From The Mummy" Frasier).
While crash was a huge success, I was never quite satisfied with the way it turned out. Due to pressure from studio bigwigs, I was forced to "tone down" my use of "strawmen and laughably ridiculous stereotypes" (their words, not mine), leaving my script toothless and borderline absurd.
So that's why I've decided to rewrite Crash entirely, from start to finish. Here's a short excerpt from the finished product. I certainly hope you enjoy it.
The Baron's Top 10 Movies of 2009
Greetings and
salutations viewers! This is your old pal The Baron here, ringing in
the new year for one and all. I was thinking about the best way to
celebrate the fresh century and I came up with what I think is a pretty
darn fantastic idea: I would create a list of my favorite movies of
2009! So that's exactly what I did, I went through "fave films" section
my dream journal and picked out the rootinist, tootinist, shootinist
list of the greatest movies I had seen last in the old zero niner.So grab a sack of butter and cover your heads, because Baron Marty's about to drop some movie knowledge on yall's heads.
Top 5 Movies of All Time!
As many of you may be aware, I am quite practitioner of watching amazing movies. I often get requests from my friends for recommendations of what movies I think are the "Best Ever". "The Baron" they have been known to say to me, "There are so many movies out there! What's the quint's essential film I can watch to increase my carnal knowledge of movies and films?" The answer, I always have to tell them, is not so simple that can be said in a single sentence. So I decided to head them off at the past by creating this essential short list of what I believe to be the greatest movies ever made.
These are not only high budget studio picks either, I've also included some lower budget (AKA "Indy" films) on this list for your viewing pleasure. So sit back, pop open a Dew and a bag of Poffs, and enjoy this fun-soaked ride into movie greatness.
Engrish Movie Reviews: Part 2
Buoyant
greetings my friend, from the sunny desert land! My name is Bazul and
today I reviewing more most populars of film from United
State! I am happy discuss detail of the movies with great herein. More than fun adventure! Teaching
you about it movies as well!So here we are today, let us talk about these artistic films: The Matrix! Memento! Jaws! Truly if these films are popular, they are also made! So come joining me and reviewing them all! And diving into the excitement of movie! Blast time!
Engrish Movie Reviews: Part 1
Hello
and hail and well meet! My name is Bazul and I am coming from United
Arab Emerate! I am here today to be talking to you about the best films
of America! America is being a great country and the films of America
are being great as well (if logic proceeds)! Some films are great, but some are greater even than others of this style! This article means to talk about only the greatest. So come with and join me to see the sights of great America films! Todays reviews are: Transformers Movie, Get Back to The Future, Ghostbuster, and The Evil Dead 2.
(I am translate this page for you from the language of my country, so please do not be ashamed if there are some mistakes or parts are broken).
What Next?
