AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF BROMIDES

Envelope, Naturally

To whom it may concern,
I know letters like this are a dime a dozen, but I hope you’ll hear me out, because I've got an axe to grind, and I'm afraid I can't just let sleeping dogs lie. I know what you're thinking: My advice is about as welcome as a skunk at a lawn party. If it's not one thing, it's another! But make no bones about it, there's a method to my madness, and once the cat is out of the bag, you'll be thanking your lucky stars that I got down to brass tacks instead of fudging and mudging like a lost dog in high weeds. So let's run this up the flagpole and see who salutes it.

First-off: Rome wasn't built in a day. And I think you'll agree that if we're going to make this partnership successful, we'll have to ensure we're both on the same page.  Passing the buck is simply not an option at this point in time, so I strongly suggest we take that option off the table and wipe the slate clean. Because if we don't, mark my words: We'll be back to square one in a New York minute and we won't have two nickels to rub together. Don't forget that one bad apple spoils the whole barrel. You can take that to the bank.

To make a long story short: We can gab about this 'till the cows come home, but at the end of the day, it takes two to tango. See, a little bird told me that you've got the skills to pay the bills, so if you're game, I’m game. In fact, I’m more than game. I'm firing on all cylinders. I'm shootin' for the moon. I’m flash as a rat with a gold tooth, and ready to do the dutch. Wham, bam, thank you ma’am. You feel me?

I mean, sure, I may not be playing with a full deck, but that's no reason to throw the baby out with the bathwater. I was in this business back when your father was a gleam in your granpappy’s eye, and if you ask me, we’ve already got one paw on the chicken coop here. Provided we get our ducks in a row, pound a little pavement, and refrain from pissing on our own legs while telling ourselves it is raining, we’ll be happier than a pack of blind coon hounds at a rodeo. Shit, even a blind squirrel finds an acorn every now and again (if you catch my drift).

It’s like the old saying goes: Red sky in the morning, sailor's warning; red sky at night, sailor's delight, and a house divided against itself cannot stand. I say it's high time we stop resting on our laurels, tighten our belts, rattle some cages, and take this cotton pickin' world by storm!

Please let me know what you think ASAP. Goodnight, sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite.
 
Elvis has left the building!