Online Names: Reader Mail

Continued from Online Names

From Rainbowfox:

Why would you be so hateful towards those you dont understand. I think you should take a step back and try making a furry character once and you may find that you like it. Then maybe you and I can go to a party and scritch a littlemaybe even get yiffy.

M. Anger:
Maybe you're right. Maybe I should take a little imaginary walk in those furry shoes of yours and experience firsthand what it's like to live that life. If I could only imagine...

I hear the buzz of an alarm clock. I open my eyes and turn my head, glancing at the time.

"4PM" I sigh to myself, "Time to get up and face another day of harsh judgment and ridicule from my peers due to my lack of basic social skills and my troubling appearance. If only I were a muskrat, then I wouldn't have any problems. Boy, I sure do find muskrats attractive in a semi-sexual way as well."

As I kick the blankets off I notice that they are wet, soaked in a mixture of sweat, urine, and a mysterious milky fuild. Lying on my back, I begin to scoot my considerable bulk to the edge of the bed with no lack of effort. The compressed springs squeal in protest as I move to the edge; the frame threatening to topple itself over. Chunky legs dangling out into open air, and I begin to rock myself back and forth in an effort to dislodge my body from the crater I have created in the center of the bed over the years.

"Wolf brothers, grant me strength!" I bellow each time I heave myself upwards, until finally my tiny feet touch solid ground where I stand, gasping for air and heaving huge sobs. I stand and curl my toes in the lush shag carpeting, and raise my face to the heavens, howling like I've never howled before.

I let out a thunderous fart and am overjoyed to feel a warm, soft liquid squirting into my purple sweatpants along with it. Smiling, I slide my hand into the elastic band at my waist; into the fleshy groove between both cheeks. Pulling my hand out, I raise it to my nose, inhaling long and deep. My eyes roll back into my head and my knees begin to buckle.

"Awooooo..." I let out a weak howl as a tear rolls down my cheek. "Never fear," I tell myself, "never fear."

As I saunter towards the the closet I wipe a greenish-brown smear on wall. Upon reaching the closet door I stand and view the worn Beast Wars poster I have taped to it. "Coming Soon" it proclaims. I grin devilishly as I sidle up close to the image of Optimus Primal and press my body to the door.

"Uhhhhhhh..." I moan.

Grasping the edges of the door firmly with both hands I begin thumping my groin softly against it. Thump. Thump.


It is not long before I have worked myself into a terrifying rage, and I let loose with a barrage of yelps as I hurl myself at the door again and again. Bang! Bang! Bang!


I hear the sound of splintering wood, but this only serves to work me into a greater frenzy. I slam the door over and over; a mixture of blood and other liquids begins to seep through the front of my pants; spattering across the door with each strike. Suddenly the door to my room bursts open and someone is screaming. It is my mother.

"Oh god" she screams "Oh god."

She rushes over to me and desperately tries to pull me away. I turn on her, eyes flashing a deep blood red. She opens her mouth to scream and I throw myself at her, gripping her throat in my sharp canine teeth. Biting down, I feel my teeth sink deep and sharp metallic taste of blood fills my mouth. I rear back; a fountain of blood sprays into the air.

"Now I must find myself a mate; something... young, something... fresh, something... innocent."

My ears perk up. The laughter of small children from the park just outside floats through the air. I lick my paws clean and dash towards the door, gnashing my teeth.

"Yiff" I whisper softly.


I sure hope that was true to life, the last thing I want to do is upset you. Be sure to write me back and tell me how accurate of a portrayal of "fuirries" that was, and also be sure to include how turned on you were while reading it from a scale of 9-10.

Oh god this is so hot