Web Detritus (Week of 09.19.10)

Web DetritusA haphazard collection of fairly cool links, weird news stories, messed-up videos, and plenty of other random crap from all corners of the internet.
This Week: Walmart Masturbators, Goodfellas, Urination Rules, Animal Abuse Via Chainsaw, Inexplicable Bus Thieves, Study Bibles, & Enormous Bellowing Transvestites.

How To Fight Terrorism

How To Fight Terrorists
Consider this: One out of every four people will be a victim of terrorism their lifetime. And though this statistic may have just been made up by me, one cannot deny that it is extremely troubling.
But never fear: Because I, and I alone, have discovered the secret to eradicating terrorism. I am fully prepared to give this information away free of charge, as a service to my country, and in the hopes that it will rid our world of Terror once and for all.

20 Strange & Ridiculous Phobias

20 Strange & Ridiculous Phobias
It could be said that fear is one of our most useful and sensible emotions. Not only does it prime our bodies to better react to danger, but it also stops [most of] us from undertaking foolish, life-endangering endeavors such as firing antique crossbows at the police, riding a motorcycle, or crushing our own head in a vice "because we wanted to see what it felt like".

Yes, when it comes to "staying alive for as long as possible", fear can be a useful and practical tool. But as with other tools (right angle reversible drills for instance), fear can also pollute our minds, twisting what was once a useful and important bodily function into a crippling (and often hilarious) ailment.

Here is a list of twenty of the most ridiculous and illogical phobias on earth.

Web Detritus (Week of 09.12.10)

Web DetritusA carefully chosen collection of supergreat links, messed-up news stories, and a whole lot of other random crap cultivated from the best sites on the internet.
This Week: Koran Smoking, Drive-Bys On Barnyard Animals, Hootie & The Blowfish, The Price Of Weed, & Stuff Hispanic People Like. Also, a brand new 1-Part feature: Collectible Burger Kind Manatee Card Of The Week! Collect the manatees to recieve a special prize.

The Casually Dismissive Guide To LAN Parties

The Casually Dismissive Guide To LAN Parties
In case you haven't noticed, LAN (Local Area Network) parties have becoming increasing popular in recent years. And by "increasingly popular" I mean "substantially less popular due to the fact that they are quickly becoming pointless and redundant alongside the proliferation of high-speed internet".

So I guess I'll write a guide about them?

More Stick Figures In Peril

More Stick Figured In Peril
What's that you say? You'd like me to post more borderline nonsensical signs featuring stick figures performing ridiculous actions or meeting their untimely demise? Alright, I guess I can manage that.

See if these do anything for you.

Web Detritus (Week of 09.05.10)

Fat ApeA collection of interesting links, weird news stories, and other notable dispatches from lower depths of the internet world.
This week: Magnetic Serbians, Bongo Jesus, Gun-Weilding Volleyball Mothers, Infants Utilized As Weapons, Masturbating Burglars, Surprisingly Worthless Superpowers, and The Secret To Eternal Happiness.

Amazon Oddity: Kurt Adler Diet Coke Can Light Set

Coca-Cola Can Lights
Rejoice, mindless Coca-Cola enthusiasts, for your salvation has arrived. Because now, thanks to whomever the fuck Kurt Adler is, you may now purchase (for the low low price of 25 American Freedom Dollars) a set of plastic string lights in the shape of soft drink cans. These specially designed light sources are 100% guaranteed not clash with the Coca-Cola commemorative plates, framed Coca-Cola photographs, and dust-encrusted Coca-Cola Calendars which currently adorn the walls of your cluttered, cat-piss-smelling hovel.
With just a simple credit card transaction, these gaudy symbols of unabashed consumerism will be shipped directly to your front door, where they may then be torn from the box in a frenzy and slapped upon the walls as symbols of your pathetic brand loyalty to one of the world's largest and least interesting corporations!
So let's dive right in and take a look at the specific features which make these particular sources of artificial (yet godly) luminescence so very special.

Top 5 Most Fascinating Ways To Die

Top 5 Most Fascinating Ways To Die
I hate to be the one to break it to you, but there's a pretty decent chance you're going to die. Don't feel bad, it happens to the best of us. At the very least, you can take solace in the fact that you're in good company. I have it on good authority that a number of famous people have also died. St. Thomas Aquinas, for example. And George Carlin? Long gone. Kurt Vonnegut kicked off only recently as well. Why, even old Donny "The Royal Asshole" Regan ate it eventually, despite his repeated assurances that he'd be sticking around indefinitely to "keep his boot upon the necks of the poor".
I guess my point is that it isn't the inevitability of death which frightens most of us. No, most people worry about the way they'll go. A lucky few will go quietly in their sleep, some will experience a massive thrombotic stroke while piloting a motorized scooter, and others will (puzzling though it may be) somehow manage to receive a stray bullet to the brainstem while ogling children at a Chuckie Cheese.
And while goes without saying that most people have very little say in the method of their own demise, it is sometimes possible to steer the hand of fate in a certain direction. So for those who are interested in achieving a more interesting death, here are (in no particular order) The Top Five Most Fascinating Ways To Die.

Web Detritus (Week of 08.29.10)

Smoking PuppyA weekly collection of cool links, odd news stories, and other superfantasticamazing things I found on the internet.
This week: Chinese Dogs Smoke Cigarettes, Creepy Sex Dolls, Justice For Litterers, How To Win The Lottery, Guantanamo Bay Prisoner Art, & The Latest Shocking News About 2 Live Crew.

Coolest Baby Names Of All Time

Coolest Baby Names Of All Time
Choosing the proper name for a newborn child is no easy task. If you choose something too common, your kid may turn out to be a dimwittedly successful but utterly joyless human being like George "The Miser" Lucas, Jay "Lowest-Common-Denominator" Leno, or Steven "I'm Seriously A Real Cop" Seagal. But if you pick something too off-the-wall like Moonshadow, Cockjob, or Bridge To Terabithia: Look out. Your kid'll get hassled so much that they'll probably end up going all cutty-cutty or shooty-shooty before they've even reached their fourteenth birthday, and that's not something any parent wants.
So, as with most things in life, the secret here is to find a happy medium. Choose a name that's just quirky and original enough to turn some heads, and your baby is almost assured a place within the pantheon of Happy Successful People With Cool Names like Galileo Whateverhislastnamewas, Nicholas If-Jesus-Christ-Had-Not-Died-For-Thee-Thou-Hadst-Been-Damned Barbon, or Bobcat Goldwaith.
So to help you on your way, here is my exhaustive list of the Coolest Baby Names Of All Time.

20 (More) Spectacularly Awful Album Covers

20 More Spectacularly Awful Album Covers
I hope that you will please forgive my inability to stop posting galleries featuring hilariously bad album covers. Please know that I only continue to do this out of a deep and abiding love for the human race. Well that, and also I've also got a number of very serious mental disorders I am unsuccessfully attempting to reign in.But that isn't important right now.

The photos are the reason we're all here, so let's get started.

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