Remember that time when you slept over at your great grandmother's house as a kid, and you went upstairs in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and when you flipped on the hallway light there was a battered, grinning old clown dummy propped up at the end of the hallway in a pool of blood and you screamed and the dummy began laughing and cursing as it scrabbled toward you brandishing a rusty straight razor?
 
If so: You'll probably be the first to agree when I say that dummies can be pretty terrifying sometimes. You'll probably also be the first in line to browse this gallery, as you no doubt realize that the best way to overcome your fears is to face them head on.
 
So read on if you wish to be shocked, sickened, horrified, and possibly mildly entertained by 20 photographs of dead-eyed artificial humans.

A reasonably interesting compilation of cool links, infographics, videos, and plenty of other garbage I found lying around on the web.

This Week: The Science Of Suicide, Cancer-Dispensing Cellphones, Penis Size Charts, The Futility of McDonald's Monopoly, & The Entire Universe Revealed With A Sweep Of The Mouse.

Like the other books in the Offensively Specific Dating Outside Your Race series (Japanese Women: They'll Do What You Say, Indian Men: Smart But I Guess They Have Tiny Penises, Black Chicks: I Wish They Would Stop Shouting At Me) How To Date a White Woman is advertised as "your one-stop shop" for information on dating a particular ethnic subset of humanity (in this case, White Women), but I found it sorely lacking in useful information.
 
Although I am white, I figured I'd be able to derive at least one or two good tips on dating white women from this book, but this is certainly not the case. Not only is this book Asian-Man-Centric, but it also lacks depth. I found most of their advice to be blatantly obvious (if not outright false): "White women don't like spiders", "White women sometimes have difficulty opening jars", "White women who aren't prostitutes get offended when you try to pay them for sex", the list goes on and on.
 
As someone who recently dated a white woman, I can easily come up with better tips than the ones in this book off the top of my head. So just keep reading if you want to be let in on all the white women's secrets.

Let me say this at the outset: This isn't gonna be one of those semi-ironic "Let's Take A Nostalgic & Vaguely Sarcastic Look At Old Toys!" articles which have become annoyingly common on the internet in recent years. So if you're looking for some sentimental, idealized look at the past which won't conflict with the bleached-out memories of your unremarkable childhood, you may want to look elsewhere.
 
If, however, you're looking for a dissenter's significantly less dewy-eyed (and slightly more scornful) opinion of what Fireball Island is actually like, then this article might just be to your liking.

As someone with a well-defined/over-defined sense of shame, I am fascinated by the sorts of people who allow themselves to be photographed wearing awful costumes. Is this sort of behavior due to an extreme case of Aspergers, or is it simply how someone with a healthy sense of self-confidence behaves?
 
Having never experienced either of these disabilities (Aspergers or self-confidence) myself, I can really only theorize as to whether or not they are the ROOT CAUSE of cosplay, or if they merely lay the foundation for it. I suspect it's a little bit of both, but I suppose I'll never really know for sure, as I tend not to associate with adults who dress up as shitty cartoon characters.
 
But in any case, why don't you go ahead and have a look at these photos of people in stupid costumes. They really are fantastic.

A weekly compilation of interesting links, top 10 lists, infographics and lots of other cool stuff I found on the internet.
 
This time around: The Best (Worst) Lawyer Commercials, The Best Jobs In America, Cautionary Tales On Growing Opium, Absurd Airline Rules, Stuff Gay People Like, and A Visual History Of All Life On Planet Earth.

Sometimes littering can be a grey area. For example: Was Johnny Appleseed littering as he wandered around tossing handfuls of apple seeds everywhere? The general consensus is that he was not, but I disagree. He most certainly WAS littering. History seems to give Mr. Appleseed a pass because he seems to have strewn the seeds about with the best intentions, but as you well know, some of the most heinous crimes in history have been committed by people with "the best intentions" in mind.
 
That's why I've created this guide: To dispel the myths which surround the act of littering once and for all. We'll cover a myriad of topics including (but not limited to)..."Littering With Fruits & Vegetables: Is It Possible?", "Littering In Public Spaces", "Bodily Fluids As Litter", "Littering In Geysers & Hot Springs: What Gives?"
 
So join me, if you will, on this journey through the exciting world of litter.

A collection of cool links, interesting infographics, and a bunch of other semi-messed-up stuff I found on the internet.
 
This time around: Depressing Lottery Simulators, Lying Tabloids, Insane People Shouting Reviews of Judge Judy DVDs, & How [Not] To Speak to Cops.
 
Also, I've gone ahead and put a bullet in the brain of the Weird News section of this series due to the fact that I got tired of it. Good riddance.

While researching this guide, I tried my hardest to find a comprehensive list of "interesting" tourist attractions in Wyoming. It should come as no surprise that I was spectacularly unsuccessful. In fact, even when I lowered my criteria from "interesting tourist attractions" to "stupid tourist attractions which seem worthy of insincere derision" I still came up mostly emptyhanded.
 
This should tell you pretty much everything one needs to know about taking a trip to Wyoming (namely: that one should not do it), but I suppose if you're a glutton for punishment you can go ahead and read on. At the very least, I feel I've managed to compile a relatively decent overview of the least uninteresting tourist destinations located in Wyoming. So that's something, I guess.

As an officially licenced and bonded FST (Fence, Scaffold, and Tenting) contractor, I can tell you that without a doubt, a man's success in the FST industry is almost wholly dependant on his understanding of wood poles, piles, and posts more than 15 feet in length owned and treated with pentachlorophenol by the same establishment. That's why I recommend This Book.
 
This alone would be enough to warrant the 800 dollar purchase, but the included segmentation of the entire wood poles, piles, and posts market by city (a feature which is not often included in similar Laughably Specific Global Strategic Planning Digests) makes this book a great buy for even the most casual of Pentachlorophenol-Treated Building Material enthusiasts.

But to be honest, there are quite a few issues with this book that I feel keep it from achieving "Must-Buy" status. Let's have a look at some of the more glaring problems, shall we?
 

A haphazard collection of fairly cool links, weird news stories, messed-up videos, and plenty of other random crap from all corners of the internet.
 
This Week: Walmart Masturbators, Goodfellas, Urination Rules, Animal Abuse Via Chainsaw, Inexplicable Bus Thieves, Study Bibles, & Enormous Bellowing Transvestites.

Consider this: One out of every four people will be a victim of terrorism their lifetime. And though this statistic may have just been made up by me, one cannot deny that it is extremely troubling.
 
But never fear: Because I, and I alone, have discovered the secret to eradicating terrorism. I am fully prepared to give this information away free of charge, as a service to my country, and in the hopes that it will rid our world of Terror once and for all.

It could be said that fear is one of our most useful and sensible emotions. Not only does it prime our bodies to better react to danger, but it also stops [most of] us from undertaking foolish, life-endangering endeavors such as firing antique crossbows at the police, riding a motorcycle, or crushing our own head in a vice "because we wanted to see what it felt like".

Yes, when it comes to "staying alive for as long as possible", fear can be a useful and practical tool. But as with other tools (right angle reversible drills for instance), fear can also pollute our minds, twisting what was once a useful and important bodily function into a crippling (and often hilarious) ailment.

Here is a list of twenty of the most ridiculous and illogical phobias on earth.

A carefully chosen collection of supergreat links, messed-up news stories, and a whole lot of other random crap cultivated from the best sites on the internet.
 
This Week: Koran Smoking, Drive-Bys On Barnyard Animals, Hootie & The Blowfish, The Price Of Weed, & Stuff Hispanic People Like. Also, a brand new 1-Part feature: Collectible Burger Kind Manatee Card Of The Week! Collect the manatees to recieve a special prize.
 

In case you haven't noticed, LAN (Local Area Network) parties have becoming increasing popular in recent years. And by "increasingly popular" I mean "substantially less popular due to the fact that they are quickly becoming pointless and redundant alongside the proliferation of high-speed internet".

So I guess I'll write a guide about them?

What's that you say? You'd like me to post more borderline nonsensical signs featuring stick figures performing ridiculous actions or meeting their untimely demise? Alright, I guess I can manage that.

See if these do anything for you.