I'm not exactly someone you would describe as the "outdoorsy type". I'm
really more of a "comes as close to hating nature as one can without
actually hating it" type, if that makes any sense. I mean, I don't have
any problem with the outdoors IN THEORY
, but in practice it's
always just so irritating and unpredictable: Oh great, I went for a
walk and it started to rain. Fantastic, the sun went down and now I
can't see. Wonderful, I wandered into the Pakistani Himalaya and got
disemboweled by a Himalayan Brown Bear. I swear to god, it never ends.
I really don't see how nature expects anyone to enjoy the outdoors when
all this annoying crap is constantly going on. I'll give you an
example: One time I went camping and was continuously buffeted by
reasonably strong winds. Winds! Can you imagine? It was beyond belief.
The third time my hood blew off my head, I walked to the car and drove
straight home. But honestly, can you blame me? A man can only take so
But anyway, here's my Officially Licensed Guide Every Single Outdoor