A Casually Dismissive History of Handheld Game Consoles

HandheldMany people have hands. Some of them use these hands to pick up and manipulate objects. The word “handheld” is used to describe feats such as these.

But take a moment to imagine a world where nothing ever became “handheld”. Couch Potatoes: Imagine that your television remote was as large as a coffee table! Retail Cashiers: There are no portable price scanners; enjoy typing the barcodes of all oversize items by hand! Bestiality Aficionados: Good luck grasping your favorite horse’s genitals! But thankfully the nightmare of “no handhelds” never came to pass.

We live a life of handhelds, and video game systems are no exception. What follows is a guide to all your favorite portable game consoles past and present. If you have any complaints, don’t forget you aren’t paying for any of this.


Web Detritus (Week of 05.15.11)

No EyesA collection of worthwhile articles, infographics, websites, non-websites, strange videos, non-strange videos, and customer reviews of products you'll never want to buy, written all in capital letters.
 
This week: Asshole CEOs, Abandoned Theme Parks, How Little Sleep You Actually Need, Mistranslated Movie Titles, Somewhat Disturbing Babies, The Hazards Of Male Nursing & The Wonderful Sweaters Of Cosby.

20 Endearingly Bizarre Costume Photos To Give You Sweet Nightmares

Homeless Chewy
Sure, maybe I like to make fun of bad costumes from time to time, but I'm no bully. So that's why I'm gonna try to be extra nice when I write the captions for these clunky and unsettling pictures I found on the website of What Appears To Be A Small Rental Center In Virginia.
 
Honestly I think that's all the explaining I need to do. So join us, won't you? Thank you.

Web Detritus (Weeks of 05.01.11 & 05.08.11)

Swordy DatingI was violently ill most of last week, so this'll be two week's worth of hastily thrown-together links instead of just one. I can only hope you are able to contain your excitement at this unprecedented turn of events.
 
Here's what I've got this time: The Life Of A Con-Artist, Avoiding A Natural Disaster, Horse Urine Info, The Battle Against Impotence, Dietary Supplements That Actually Work, The Best Time To Do Everything, And How To Get A Brain Bleed In 8 Easy Steps.

5 Aggressively Unpleasant Movies You Probably Shouldn't See On A First Date

Worst First Date Movies Ever - Antichrist Recently, I performed an internet search for "Worst First Date Movies". I did this because, at the time, I was interested in reading a list of offensive or controversial films which might make for awkward first-date viewing. Unfortunately, none of the articles I managed to find fit this description.
 
Some were simply lists of mildly scary or violent horror films ("Don't take your date to see Chuckie or The Grudge 2!"), others were filled with blatantly obvious or borderline idiotic choices ("Deliverance! Schindler's List! Kids! Caligula!"), and most of the rest appeared to have been written by brain-damaged ESL students battling prescription drug addictions ("Number 10: Aids disease is not become laughing. But does your date? Potential.")
 
So seeing as none of these were particularly useful to me, I decided to attempt to fill this void by creating my own list of Bad First Date Movies. And while I can't promise you quality, I can promise some measure of quantity. So there's that.
 
Oh, and also, I reveal nearly every single meaningful plot point in all of these films. So take that into account before you read this.

Web Detritus (Week of 04.24.11)

FancyboyA collection of cool links, infographics, strange blogs, offputting videos, and a bunch of other stuff that defies categorization.
 
This week: Awkward Stock Photos, Chinese Hell, The Most Hated Baby Names In America, How Long You Could Survive On Just Beer, Mrs. Doubtfire Returns, Donkey Kong Grows Up, Why Teachers Are Getting Screwed, & A Christian Rap Video That Will Blow Your Mind And Not In A Good Way.

Web Detritus (Week of 04.17.11)

Newstime!A weekly collection of interesting links,  and whatever other crap I found lying around on the internet.
 
This week: Lots Of Sexy Sex Infographics About Sex, The Commercialization Of Easter, More Over/Under Toilet Paper Roll Wars, Why Prices Still End In 99, Brand Names vs Real Names, Self-Destructing Internet Messages, A Look At Which Planets In Our Solar System Could Sustain Human Life, & A Shouty Review Of The 90s Sitcom "Martin". 

Web Detritus (Week of 04.10.11)

Cat SmokesA collection of above-average links, photo galleries which are often above reproach, aggresively informative infographics, and plenty of other stuff that usually doesn't suck.
 
This week: Mile-High Skyscrapers, The Filthiest Homes Ever, The True Story Behind The Ninja's "Touch of Death", An [Overly] Detailed Superpower Infographic, Compelling Socialist Propaganda From Roger Ebert, Evacuation Radiuses Of Every Nuclear Power Plant In The US, And Christian Bale Demonstrates How Unbelievably Fat We Are.