Boy: Part 1

Boy is a story which is very dear to my heart. It was first published in the New England Journal of Medicine in 1971, and since that time it has been translated to 12 different languages.The story has garnered 12 literary awards, including the Staunton Award for Oblique Literature. And now, please enjoy part 1 of Boy.

Worthless Guide to Robot Armies

Robots
As far as I can tell, everyone in the world loves robots. There's nothing a robot cannot do. Have you ever wondered why we still have humans fighting in our wars? I mean, what do humans have that’s so great anyway? Free will? Overrated. Better if you don’t have it. The ability to love? Yeah I have the ability to love alright, the ability to love the cool idea of robot armies.

In this article I'm going to field any questions you might ask, except if the question is “Can humans fly?” If you ask this I will just ignore you.

Psychics Are Real! Why Doesn't Anyone Believe Me...

HypnotizeThe 5 senses: Touch, taste, fear, smell, and eyes. One would think that these were enough, but surprisingly, there are those who claim that there is also a sixth sense,  psychic ability. I am here to tell you today that not only does the sixth, but I possess it. I can read your thoughts. Observe: You want to know how to become a psychic, and so I will tell you. I also see that your star sign is Virgo or Aries and that you are in your mid 20’s, male, and slightly overweight. When you are murdered your body will be found in a wooded area, near a body of water. Cool huh? And now here is a list of all the psychic powers.

Junk Food Mascots: A Dissertation

Mascot
I guess some corporations think it's good business to use “food mascots” to sell their products to children. Is this type of marketing really effective? I’m not sure, but what I do know is that I find most food mascots to be distressing.

For example: Why exactly did a room full of advertising executives decide androgynous Cuckoo bird who screams at children would be the most effective way to sell Coco Puffs? God knows. Frankly it worries me that most (if not all) of the characters these companies create are mentally disturbed in some way. Here are some other advertising creatures who should probably be institutionalized.

Wedding Tips For Grooms

Bride
By Kevin
Weddings. Who needs them? Nobody does, but I think people like to have them. I figured I would do the world a favor and look up some rules and regulations for the game of marriage. I found an article on the internet called 20 Top Tips for Grooms Who Want To Get it Right. It is located HERE. (link will probably be dead soon enough, but it doesn't matter) These are sure to be 20 hot tips. Even though I am neither a groom nor a person who wishes to get it right, I am sure that I will enjoy these tips. Let’s go through some of them now:

Worthless Guide to Survival - Part 2: Jungles

Jungle

By Henry

The Jungles of the world may seem like a lively and fun place to visit, but they can seem cold and uninviting when you are lost inside one. This is part 2 of my survival series, and here I will give you the inside scoop on how you can survive being lost in the jungle. This article will also not contain the phrase “Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!” because it is ridiculous. The jungle has no bears except if you count koala bears or pandas. Are they jungle bears? Probably.

Worthless Guide to Survival - Part 1: Bears

Bears!
By Henry
Hey survival enthusiasts! So you think you want to survive huh? Well reading this series of guides is certainly the way to get started. I am by no means a survival expert, but I have seen every episode of Man vs Wild, and also Survivorman. Please join me as I take you through the world of keeping alive in the wild, and provide you with tips about what to do in desperate situations.

Random Object Reviews

Object
By Kevin
On this page I will review random items I find sitting around the house. That's it.

Worthless Guide to Drugs Part 1: The Classics

Drugs
By Henry
Drugs have got a bad reputation, but I’m not sure why. Think about it: what’s the worst thing a drug has ever done? Destroyed a family? Allowed a person to hold a stimulating conversation with a mop? Caused a person’s death? These are all relatively unimportant things when you come right down to it. There’s a lot of misinformation out there about drugs, but I felt that maybe there was not quite enough. This article should serve to remedy that.

True History of Game Consoles: Part 2

Urkel
In  Part I of  this series I covered a bunch of old-timey consoles, and probably some other stuff too. Honestly I can't really remember what I wrote about in it. I'm sure not gonna read that garbage again to find out either.

In Part II (that would be the part you're reading now), I've got some stuff I remembered off the top of my head about the Sega Genesis, the SNES, and some of the other major consoles that came out in the early 90s. Also, in case you're wondering why there's a picture of Urkel over there, it's because I needed something to represent the 1990s.

True History of Game Consoles: Part 1

ControlHave you ever...Hurled a Playstation 2 controller in frustration? Kicked your Super Nintendo across the room after losing to a particularly cheap boss? Become so utterly enraged at a Dreamcast game that you snapped the disc into shards and began gingerly slicing at your arms with them while rocking back and forth and weeping softly?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you probably love to play video games! Well, except the third one. I don’t know what that one would signify. But I think my point was that if you love video games enough to destroy stuff, you'll probably enjoy this article.

Presidential Fun Facts

Ministry

The Ministry of Information
The US Presidents: A group of manipulative and delusional humans who lead the United States of America during the dark period before the Ministry was created. But how many citizens truly know anything pertinent about these men?

The answer: None. It has been reported that when asked about which historical US president was most interesting to them during a nonvoluntary information extraction session, seven out of every ten Americans responded by emptying their bowels, lolling back their battered heads, and crying out in agony. So in an effort to educate our citizens about some of the leaders of what was once the United States of America, the MoI has compiled this official list of presidential facts for your consumption.

Quest for Time Part 3: Battles

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By The Baron
Domo Oregano fellow dungeon keepers! In case you were wondering, that mean’s “Hello dungeon keepers” in Japanese. I don’t know much Japanese, but I’m trying to learn so I can watch all my favorite shows without those icky fansubs :( But to the business at hand, which I’m sure you’ve all been drooling for: More info about Quest For Time! My previous articles have all been rousing successes, generating a lot of fanmail for me, and also a few letters from party poopers (luckily I was able to put them in their place). In this column I will be discussing the battle system I’ve come up with for Quest for Time. Enjoy!

Quest for Time Part 2: New Details

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By The Baron
Hello internet voyagers, and welcome to the next installment of The Baron’s column. In this segment I am going to do something I know a lot of you have been waiting for: I am going to reveal some new details from my MMORPG, Quest for Time! There has been a lot of interest in my first article about Quest for Time, not to mention the jealous n00bs who write in insulting me, but I think they are interested too. So I thought I would throw all of the fans a bone and reveal some more juicy details… Enjoy!

Quest for Time Part 1: The Idea

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By The Baron
Ahoy again fellow dragonslayers! And welcome to The Baron’s column of blighting! In today’s column I will be talking about the online RPG game I am developing. Another name for online role playing games is MMORPG (multiperson-on-line-role-playing-game). The MMORPG game which I am creating is called Quest For Time. It will undoubtedly be one of the most successful online games ever created if I ever get the funding for it, which probably won’t be happening any time soon, my social life (LARPing & Anthrocon preparations!) gets in the way! :( Anywhoo, here is a basic outline of the races I have written up as well as some great pictures of what each race will eventually look like. I will follow up with more details when I get the time.

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