As a fully certified and 100% accredited A/V equipment Artificer, I've always known deep in my heart that Monster Cables were an amazing value. What I didn't realize is HOW amazing. I've conducted a good deal of research on home theatering during the many years that I've spent serving my country as a technical videosystem and speaker wire installer, but I had never looked into Monster Cables in-depth. That is, until a year ago when I happened to come across Monster's premier DVI cable with 24 Karat Gold Contact Connectors at a local Best Buy. Needless to say, I was more than a little impressed! Gold is normally quite expensive, but this cable was being sold for under $100! I purchased three of them without hesitation.
I arrived home, hooked one up to my monitor, and turned it on. Upon seeing what was on the screen, I nearly soiled myself with glee. Not only was the image crystal clear, but my monitor was displaying more colors than ever, colors I didn't even know existed! And not only that, but my games and videos ran faster than ever. It was glorious. Ever since that day, I haven't allowed anything BUT Monster Cables in my home. It was the best decision I ever made, and in the following article I hope to share with you my reasons for this.
There's not really much I can say about this week's Weird News column that hasn't already been said a thousand times over, but here's a short poem I wrote about it.
Astronauts snorting coke,
The baby Jesus covered in urine.
Casting spells brings love,
Creamed and cropped for Dragon Ball Z
By Martin "The Baron" Hubley
Greetings and salutations viewers! This is your old pal The Baron here, ringing in the new year for one and all. I was thinking about the best way to celebrate the fresh century and I came up with what I think is a pretty darn fantastic idea: I would create a list of my favorite movies of 2009! So that's exactly what I did, I went through "fave films" section my dream journal and picked out the rootinist, tootinist, shootinist list of the greatest movies I had seen last in the old zero niner.
So grab a sack of butter and cover your heads, because Baron Marty's about to drop some movie knowledge on yall's heads.
I'm sure Complaintsboard.com was originally intended to be a website where frustrated consumers could go to report harmful or shady business practices of different retailers, exposing them as frauds and possibly causing them to go out of business.
Unfortunately, it isn't really working out that way. Complaintsboard is less about consumer rights and more about semiliterate adults with learning disabilities who believe a business has wronged them in some petty way pecking out (usually IN CAPS) incomprehensible messages to companies that will never, ever read them. Nothing useful is accomplished, and no one is helped.
So yeah, it's pretty great!
This week's edition of Weird News should be useless to 99.99% of the population, but extremely useful to the remaining 0.01%. Included amongst that minority would be: Persons who are desperately seeking a Kenny Rogers impersonator, fans of preteen early 00s rap superstar Lil' Romeo, cops who have sex in church, and Christians who believe they may be possessed by a demon.
Guest Post From Celebrity Doctor Phil McGraw
Howdy folks, I'm Celebrity Doctor Phil McGraw, and I'm here to with some tips to help ya'll lose some weight and keep it off for good. Using my good old fashioned down-home country-living common-sense approach to advice-giving, I'll make sure the lard drops off your ample behinds just as sure as a coonhound at a rodeo loves eatin' truffles out of a fountain during a superbowl sunday hootenanny.
But don't assume I'll coddle you. Don't assume I'm gonna be "Politically Correct". You've read plenty of Mothering P.C. weight-loss books and look what it's gotten you: A whole bowl full of nothing. What you folks need is some good hard love. Some no-nonsense honest advice. What you need is a heapin' spoonful of Phil.
And by God I intend to give it to you.
I would do something special in honor of this being the last week of weird news in 2009, but I use the Mayan calendar so technically this isn't even the new year for me. But on the bright side, I only have to do about 2 more years of these until the world comes to an end, which is nice.
Anyway: This week's post features horse grooming tips, walmart riots, sexy Fast & The Furious fanfiction, and wholly capitalized musings on thug romance.