Web Detritus (Week of 09.05.10)

Image removed.A
collection of interesting links, weird news stories, and other
notable dispatches from lower depths of the internet world.
This week: Magnetic Serbians, Bongo Jesus, Gun-Weilding Volleyball
Mothers, Infants Utilized As Weapons, Masturbating Burglars,
Surprisingly Worthless Superpowers, and The
Secret To Eternal Happiness.

Amazon Oddity: Kurt Adler Diet Coke Can Light Set

Image removed.

Rejoice, mindless Coca-Cola enthusiasts, for your salvation has
arrived. Because now, thanks to whomever the fuck Kurt Adler is, you
may now purchase (for the low low price of 25 American Freedom Dollars)
set of plastic string lights in the shape of soft drink cans
These specially designed light sources are 100% guaranteed not clash
with the Coca-Cola commemorative plates, framed Coca-Cola photographs,
and dust-encrusted Coca-Cola Calendars which currently adorn the walls
of your cluttered, cat-piss-smelling hovel.
With just a simple credit card transaction, these gaudy symbols of
unabashed consumerism will be shipped directly to your front door,
where they may then be torn from the box in a frenzy and slapped upon
the walls as symbols of your pathetic brand loyalty to one of the
world's largest and least interesting corporations!
So let's dive right in and take a look at the specific features which
make these particular sources of artificial (yet godly) luminescence so
very special.

Top 5 Most Fascinating Ways To Die

Image removed.

I hate to be the one to break it to you, but there's a pretty decent chance you're going to die. Don't feel bad, it happens to the best of us. At the very least, you can take solace in the fact that you're in good company. I have it on
good authority that a number of famous people have also died. St.
Thomas Aquinas, for example. And George Carlin? Long gone. Kurt
Vonnegut kicked off only recently as well. Why, even old Donny "The Royal Asshole" Regan ate it
eventually, despite his repeated assurances that he'd be sticking around indefinitely to "keep his boot upon the necks of the poor".
I guess my point is that it isn't the inevitability of death which frightens most
of us. No, most people worry about the way they'll go. A lucky few will go quietly in
their sleep, some will experience a massive thrombotic stroke while
piloting a motorized scooter, and others will (puzzling though it may be) somehow manage to
receive a stray bullet to the brainstem while ogling children at a
Chuckie Cheese.
And while goes without saying that most people have very little say in
the method of their own demise, it is sometimes possible to
steer the
hand of fate in a certain direction. So for those who are interested in achieving a more interesting death, here are (in no particular order) The Top Five Most Fascinating Ways To Die.

Web Detritus (Week of 08.29.10)

Image removed.A weekly
collection of cool links, odd news stories, and other
superfantasticamazing things I found on the internet.
This week: Chinese Dogs Smoke Cigarettes, Creepy Sex Dolls, Justice For
Litterers, How To Win The Lottery, Guantanamo Bay Prisoner Art, &
The Latest Shocking News About 2 Live Crew.

Coolest Baby Names Of All Time

Image removed.

Choosing the proper name for a newborn child is no easy task. If you
choose something too common, your kid may turn out to be a dimwittedly
successful but utterly joyless human being like George "The Miser"
Lucas, Jay "Lowest-Common-Denominator" Leno, or Steven "I'm Seriously A
Real Cop" Seagal. But if you pick something too off-the-wall like
Moonshadow, Cockjob, or Bridge To Terabithia: Look out. Your kid'll get
hassled so much that they'll probably end up going all cutty-cutty or
shooty-shooty before they've even reached their fourteenth birthday,
and that's not something any parent wants.
So, as with most things in life, the secret here is to find a happy
medium. Choose a name that's just quirky and original enough to turn
some heads, and your baby is almost assured a place within the pantheon
of Happy Successful People With Cool Names like Galileo
Whateverhislastnamewas, Nicholas
If-Jesus-Christ-Had-Not-Died-For-Thee-Thou-Hadst-Been-Damned Barbon, or
Bobcat Goldwaith.
So to help you on your way, here is my exhaustive list of the Coolest Baby Names
Of All Time.

20 (More) Spectacularly Awful Album Covers

Image removed.

I hope that you will please forgive my inability to stop posting
galleries featuring hilariously bad album covers. Please know that I
only continue to do this out of a deep and abiding love for the human
race. Well that, and also I've also got a number of very serious mental
disorders I am unsuccessfully attempting to reign in.But that isn't
important right now.

The photos are the reason we're all here, so let's get started.