Don't Even.

The Postman
I'm really sick from a virus or methadone withdrawl right now and I can't post anything.

So here's a photograph I once found of a 1970s postman.

You had better watch your step.

Rejoice: 20 More Ridiculous Costumes

Rejoice: 20 More Ridiculous Costumes
Awful Halloween costumes are like a wellspring of awfulness that never seems to run dry. Just when you feel like you've discovered all the ridiculous and borderline offensive costumes the internet has to offer, more are certain to come bubbling to the surface like solid waste in a freshly-stirred septic tank.
So here are twenty of the freshest and most ferociously terrible costumes I could drum up without expending much effort.

Weird News (Week of 06.20.10)

Weird News
To me, animals seem pretty gullible. Not just like how dogs always fall for the "pretend to throw a ball" trick either. I mean how whenever a superhero gets the ability to communicate with animals, the animals always do whatever he says. What, just because he now speaks your language you're suddenly willing to drop what you're doing and attack whoever he says? Some people have a lot nerve.

If I were a group of wandering badgers, and some human tried to boss me around, I'd just laugh and crawl back into my badger cave or wherever. Who are you to me? Some human who throws rubbish in the forest. Get lost.
But I guess I'm not a group of wandering badgers, so maybe I'll just keep my fat mouth shut.

The Haunting

The Haunting
"Ah, this is the life," I said, settling into my easy chair and taking a sip of orange drink, "Not a care in the world."
I glanced at the clock. 6:04. The show had already begun. Grinding my teeth in anticipation, I flipped on the television. A fierce battle sequence erupted on screen. I rocked and squirmed in my chair, punching the air and feeling every blow. Captain Niros kicked a bandit in the face, sending him tumbling to the bottom of a steep incline, where he was graphically impaled on a number of jagged rocks. Suddenly the title card appeared: "Legendary Journey". I cheered, pumping my fist, and cleared my throat in anticipation of the theme song.
Click, went the television, changing to channel 46. The intro to a funniest videos program blared from the speakers.
"Um, excuse me," I said, to no one in particular, "I was watching that."

20 Wonderfully Perplexing Japanese 'No Smoking' Signs

20 Wonderfully Perplexing Japanese No Smoking Signs
Oh Japan! Is there nothing about you that isn't unnessecarily quirky? Here are a number of actual "Smoking Manners" signs which were/are posted around Japan for no good reason.
I hope you find them as brow-furrowingly fascinating as I did.

Weird News (Week of 06.13.10)

Weird News - 06.13.10
Ho hum. Just another boring week of puppies being tossed at motorcycle gangs, cocaine-addicted funeral directors gyrating in the nude, 60 foot tall flaming Jesuses, library/condiment crime sprees, human head smugglers, nearly indecipherable alien abduction stories, and ice cream man turf wars.
If only something strange or mildly humorous would occur.

4 of The Stupidest As Seen On TV Products Ever

4 Stupidest Infomercial Products Of All Time
I've always been a big fan of As Seen On TV gadgets. Not in a "wow, this stuff is actually pretty cool and useful" sort of way though. It's more like an "Oh my god, this is the most hilarious piece of crap I have ever seen, I can't even believe it" kind of thing. Even at their very best, infomercial products often offer nothing more than a slightly more expensive way to accomplish a task which wasn't really all that important in the first place (I am looking directly at you, Magic Bullet). Of course, this very fact is exactly what makes them so entertaining.
So let's take a look at four of the dumbest infomercialesque products currently on the market: The Backup, Instant Arm Lift, The Freedom Tray, and Jingle Jugs. Yeah, I know! Even the names are fantastic.

How To Subdue a Nerd Who Has Flown Into a Violent, Videogame-Induced Rage

How To Subdue a Nerd Who Has Flown Into A Violent Videogame Based Rage
It is still not uncommon for the general public to assume that all videogamers are socially inept losers prone to uncontrollable outbursts of intense and inexplicable violence. This is incorrect. In reality, only 65-72% of males who play videogames on a regular basis fit this description, so obviously it's slightly unfair to generalize.

Also, this really only applies to these men while they're playing games. The rest of the time, they're normally quite calm (if not downright docile). But place any one of these gamers in a situation where they believe themselves to have been "wronged" or "cheated" during a game, and a whirlwind of grisly violence is sure to ensue. Very rarely will this tantrum seemed to have "come out of nowhere". More often than not there is an easily perceived buildup of hostility which takes place before The Ragestate occurs.

This article should serve to educate the rest of you in the recognition (and subsequent containment) of any videogamer who flies into this ragestate.

Weird News (Week of 06.06.10)

Weird News - Jackson Painting
This week: A(nother) woman rips off her boyfriend's testicle and chews on it, graves are double booked, children seem to attempt suicide, nuns grow marijuana, and nude men claiming to be Jesus act as crazy as they are expected to.

All of these stories, links, and so very much more has been made available to you after the break.

Engrish Movie Reviews: Year 2010 Summers Blockbust

Engrish Movie Reviews
This summer, patron must gird throbbing loins with the fun which the large expensive film can bring. Which is to say: Loving will induce a fun. Respect the joyful picnic. The summer movie proposes this: Escape your trouble! Escape the career which you is miserable! Escape the nagger cruelty of a wife whom pulverizes your joy! In the paid theaters, your environment is controlled in compliance with pleasant temperature. Appearing on the screen is a coitus grudge which improves the virility of men who view it.
From here we list the films: Iron Man 2, Macgruber, and Crown Prince of Persia. Speak these, becoming satiated. Acclamation inserted!

I Will Show You Some Wonderful Photographs

Here Are Some Wonderful Photographs - Trash Cart
Here: Why don't you all have a look at these pictures.

It'll do you some good.

Weird News (Week of 05.30.10)

Weird News - Old Clowns
There are certain types of hats that only old men can wear. Fedoras, for example. If you see an old man wearing a fedora, you'd probably think "Look at that old man in his fedora, I bet he used to wear that in the 50s!" but if you saw a 20 year old wearing one, your thoughts would almost certainly be along the lines of "Hey, check out that asshole the fedora. Who he think he is, Humphrey Bogart?"

I think my point is that we all wear different hats in life (Baker, Communist Dictator, Avant Garde Beard Trimmer) but no hat is so important as the hat a father dons the day his child is born (the hat of fatherhood). This hat is often a harbinger of male postpartum depression, so be sure and keep a close eye on the man, for the time being.
And now the news.
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