Web Detritus: Issue #150

Horsey!Below you will find some items of note* I found on the internet recently**. Feel free to look through them if you have a couple minutes. There's a good chance you probably might not regret it. This issues topics include:

How To Get Fired From McDonalds, Buying A Stolen Credit Card, The Spectacular Assholery Of Online Games, Why You Can Tell A Cop To Fuck Off, Gladiatorial Contests Held By Mexican Druglords, My Little Ponies, Marijuana As A Cure For Cancer, and [Many Of The] The Possible Ends Of The World Explained By Science.

NONSPECIFIC COUNTDOWN

DO NOT ACTUALLY CLICK ON THIS GARBAGE

Since a lot of "professionals" seem to think countdown clocks are an effective way to build anticipation for product launches, I decided to add the one above to count down the days until the re-launch of this website.

I didn't really want to spend any time on it (because honestly: who cares?) so as you can see, I kind of just used the first embeddable countdown clock I could find.

So if you could just go ahead and pretend that it's counting down to a shitty website's [nearly unnoticeable retooling which will I will likely finish on August 15th] instead of trying to scare morons into believing the world is going to end by misinterpreting a crude calendar created by a bunch of absurdly superstitious tribals, I'd be much obliged.

Web Detritus: Issue #149

Tiny ArmsYou know those aggregation sites like Reddit which act as a filter for the internet by allowing people to vote on the best links or articles?

Well, this series is sort of like that, except without the voting, or the usefulness, or the part about how the things you find are interesting and useful. It also isn't updated nearly as often, and it the site it's on is sort of cheap because I don't really know anything about web design.
 
But other than all that stuff, I'd say they're pretty much identical.

20 Images So Fantastic They Probably Could've Cured Polio Before Jonas Salk Did If They'd Been Around Back Then

Fried Chicken Bath
It's 7AM and I haven't gone to bed yet, so to save time, I think I'm just going to paste a user-submitted plot summary of the film Under Siege 2: Dark Territory instead of writing an actual intro:

Casey Ryback is traveling with his niece on a train, which is hijacked by terrorists. The terrorists need a moving headquarters, so they can take over a satellite capable of vaporizing anything in its path. The government can't stop them from destroying Washington and also rupturing a nuclear reactor, killing millions. Casey Ryback uses his Navy-Seal training to take out all of the terrorists in an action-packed ride.

But enough of that. Here are some pictures of things.

Web Detritus: Issue #148

Obama Gay KissHello, and welcome to a very special "Flagrant Overuse Of Thesaurus" Edition of Web Detritus. For those who cannot divine this article's purpose due to it's gratuitously cryptic title, allow me to elucidate: What follows is a haphazard compendium of provocative and amusing links which I have chosen to dispense to The Infobahn* at fixed intervals.

This issue** incorporates the following items: Links, Photos Videos, More. Thank you.

*Don't Ask Me

**Putting the date in the title of every article in this series was starting to annoy me. So from now on, each one will simply be an "issue". That way, I only have to type a number instead of a whole date. Also I don't have to look the date up, or make sure it's correct. Oh and one last thing: As you can probably see from the title up there, I didn't want to start at #1, so I kind of just picked a random number that sounded official. Hope that's alright with you.

A Casually Dismissive History of Handheld Game Consoles

HandheldMany people have hands. Some of them use these hands to pick up and manipulate objects. The word “handheld” is used to describe feats such as these.

But take a moment to imagine a world where nothing ever became “handheld”. Couch Potatoes: Imagine that your television remote was as large as a coffee table! Retail Cashiers: There are no portable price scanners; enjoy typing the barcodes of all oversize items by hand! Bestiality Aficionados: Good luck grasping your favorite horse’s genitals! But thankfully the nightmare of “no handhelds” never came to pass.

We live a life of handhelds, and video game systems are no exception. What follows is a guide to all your favorite portable game consoles past and present. If you have any complaints, don’t forget you aren’t paying for any of this.


Web Detritus (Week of 05.15.11)

No EyesA collection of worthwhile articles, infographics, websites, non-websites, strange videos, non-strange videos, and customer reviews of products you'll never want to buy, written all in capital letters.
 
This week: Asshole CEOs, Abandoned Theme Parks, How Little Sleep You Actually Need, Mistranslated Movie Titles, Somewhat Disturbing Babies, The Hazards Of Male Nursing & The Wonderful Sweaters Of Cosby.

20 Endearingly Bizarre Costume Photos To Give You Sweet Nightmares

Homeless Chewy
Sure, maybe I like to make fun of bad costumes from time to time, but I'm no bully. So that's why I'm gonna try to be extra nice when I write the captions for these clunky and unsettling pictures I found on the website of What Appears To Be A Small Rental Center In Virginia.
 
Honestly I think that's all the explaining I need to do. So join us, won't you? Thank you.

Web Detritus (Weeks of 05.01.11 & 05.08.11)

Swordy DatingI was violently ill most of last week, so this'll be two week's worth of hastily thrown-together links instead of just one. I can only hope you are able to contain your excitement at this unprecedented turn of events.
 
Here's what I've got this time: The Life Of A Con-Artist, Avoiding A Natural Disaster, Horse Urine Info, The Battle Against Impotence, Dietary Supplements That Actually Work, The Best Time To Do Everything, And How To Get A Brain Bleed In 8 Easy Steps.

5 Aggressively Unpleasant Movies You Probably Shouldn't See On A First Date

Worst First Date Movies Ever - Antichrist
Recently, I performed an internet search for "Worst First Date Movies". I did this because, at the time, I was interested in reading a list of offensive or controversial films which might make for awkward first-date viewing. Unfortunately, none of the articles I managed to find fit this description.
 
Some were simply lists of mildly scary or violent horror films ("Don't take your date to see Chuckie or The Grudge 2!"), others were filled with blatantly obvious or borderline idiotic choices ("Deliverance! Schindler's List! Kids! Caligula!"), and most of the rest appeared to have been written by brain-damaged ESL students battling prescription drug addictions ("Number 10: Aids disease is not become laughing. But does your date? Potential.")
 
So seeing as none of these were particularly useful to me, I decided to attempt to fill this void by creating my own list of Bad First Date Movies. And while I can't promise you quality, I can promise some measure of quantity. So there's that.
 
Oh, and also, I reveal nearly every single meaningful plot point in all of these films. So take that into account before you read this.

Web Detritus (Week of 04.24.11)

FancyboyA collection of cool links, infographics, strange blogs, offputting videos, and a bunch of other stuff that defies categorization.
 
This week: Awkward Stock Photos, Chinese Hell, The Most Hated Baby Names In America, How Long You Could Survive On Just Beer, Mrs. Doubtfire Returns, Donkey Kong Grows Up, Why Teachers Are Getting Screwed, & A Christian Rap Video That Will Blow Your Mind And Not In A Good Way.

Web Detritus (Week of 04.17.11)

Newstime!A weekly collection of interesting links,  and whatever other crap I found lying around on the internet.
 
This week: Lots Of Sexy Sex Infographics About Sex, The Commercialization Of Easter, More Over/Under Toilet Paper Roll Wars, Why Prices Still End In 99, Brand Names vs Real Names, Self-Destructing Internet Messages, A Look At Which Planets In Our Solar System Could Sustain Human Life, & A Shouty Review Of The 90s Sitcom "Martin". 

20 Magnificent Photographs Which Will Probably Change Your Life Forever

Tru Love
"Sloth makes all things difficult, but industry, all things easy. He that rises late must trot all day, and shall scarce overtake his business at night, while laziness travels so slowly that poverty soon overtakes him."
- Benjamin Franklin

Web Detritus (Week of 04.10.11)

Cat SmokesA collection of above-average links, photo galleries which are often above reproach, aggresively informative infographics, and plenty of other stuff that usually doesn't suck.
 
This week: Mile-High Skyscrapers, The Filthiest Homes Ever, The True Story Behind The Ninja's "Touch of Death", An [Overly] Detailed Superpower Infographic, Compelling Socialist Propaganda From Roger Ebert, Evacuation Radiuses Of Every Nuclear Power Plant In The US, And Christian Bale Demonstrates How Unbelievably Fat We Are.

16 (More) Strange & Disturbing Sexual Fetishes

Donut Bath
Question: Is this simply a numbered list of leftover "B-Side" fetishes from the Top 20 Weird Sexual Fetishes Article You Published A While Ago?

Answer: Sort of. This list does, in fact, contain the fetishes I didn't have space for in the original article. It also contains many fetishes which don't even exist. If you'd like to know why this is the case, I'm afraid I can't help you. But I can tell you that some of the fetishes below are probably real.

The answers are at the end, if you feel like cheating. Thank you, and good luck.

Web Detritus (Week of 04.03.11)

OreoA collection of worthwhile links, the best infographics, photo galleries, and whatever else of note I come across while wandering the internet.
 
This week: Ridiculous Job Interview Questions, Which Languages Are Hardest To Learn, The Most Sinful Cities In America,  A Bunch Of Awesome Art, What Your State Sucks At, Confessions Of A [Formerly] Angry Black Man, And More, And More, And More, And More (Read: This One Is Long).
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