20 Cosplayers Who Cause Me To Radiate Bewilderment To All Corners Of The Universe

Cosplayer Honda

There are two types of people in this world: Those Who Dress Up As
Characters From Obscure Japanese Animated Television Shows, and Those
Who Laugh At Those Who Dress Up As Characters From Obscure Japanese
Animated Television Shows. I reside firmly in the latter category,
although I must admit that I have likely dabbled in the former.
 
I only say this because I'm almost sure I dressed up in household
objects and pretended to be Voltron at some point during my childhood.
This is not nearly as embarassing as it may seem, because to be
fair...I was probably about six years old when I liked Voltron. Also I
was kind of a freak.
 
The following people, however, are adults, and thus cannot legally use
"I was a six-year-old" to explain why they choose to dress up as
characters from poorly written assemblyline cartoon shows from Japan
which are comprised almost solely of people jumping though the air with
swords and streaky lines behind them, gratuitous upskirt shots of
bluehaired toddlers holding guns, and scenes in which goggle-eyed,
helmeted futuresamurai gleefully violate women by backing futuristic
maglev monorails in and out of their vaginas.
 
Anyway, you might as well take a look at these pictures. It's not like you have anything better to do.

Inexplicably Insulting Tourist's Guide to..Florida

florida

 

Let's get one thing clear here: I'm not going to be insulting Florida as much as I did in My Tourists Guides For Other States. This is not because I have more respect for Florida than Idaho or Wyoming (although this is definitely the case), but because I am substantially less cool than Florida.
 
See, in order for me to demean or belittle a US State's status, I must feel (even falsely) that I am in some way superior to the state in question. This is extremely easy to accomplish with ridiculous states like Nebraska or Tennessee, but a reasonably popular tropical state like Florida poses a unique problem for me when it comes to ridiculing it. Namely: I am not cooler than Florida, nor would anybody believe I was even if I faked it. This, of course, makes it almost impossible for me to mock and insult it without coming off like a complete ass.
 
So, instead of deriding Florida as a whole, I will simply cherry pick the Floridian tourist attractions I find most objectionable and badmouth them individually. I hope this will be more to your liking.

20 Insane Out-Of-Context Images From Russian Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Novels

20 Insane Out-Of-Context Images From Russian Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Novels

There's really no good way for me to preface a collection of images so
utterly devoid of context, sanity, or coherency, but I'll give it a
shot anyhow: Here are twenty brainmelting illustrations from what I believe
to be a series of blackmarket Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle novels from
Russia. As you can probably see from the image above, it is extremely
difficult to explain most of them in words.

Disclaimer: I will not be held responsible if your head explodes while
viewing these.

5 Surprisingly Obscene Bible Stories

Garbage Bible

 

It has been said that if The Bible were to be faithfully adapted for the big screen, it would almost certainly be the most astonishingly obscene film ever made. I doubt that anyone who is familiar with The Written Word Of God would contest this. The subject matter of the Old Testament alone (with its constant graphic brutality, genocide, casual incest, and countless rapes) would be more than enough to earn The Good Book an NC-17 rating.

In light of this, I thought it might be fun to compile a list of five of the most amusing, inappropriate, and potentially offensive passages in The Bible. Fair Warning though: Although everything discussed in the following sections can be directly attributed to God Himself (I've even provided detailed links to the passages in question), things still get fairly graphic, so you probably don't want to let your kid read it (those who are easily offended by wiseasses providing glib and irreverent commentaries on the smutty portions of sacred religious texts would do well to avoid it also).

5 Offensive, Outrageous, & Possibly Fictional Things You May Not Have Heard About Ray Kroc

mcdonild director raymond crocodile

 

Ray Kroc the ruthless entrepreneur often held responsible for the success of McDonalds, gets a lot of posthumous respect, and frankly, as someone who worked at McDonald's when I was a teenager, this really pisses me off.
 
What's so bad about Ray Kroc? Here's one example: He is said to have coined the phrase "If You’ve got time to lean, you’ve got time to clean." This pretty much tells you everything you need to know about Mr. Kroc's attitude towards his employees. I can only assume Kroc decided to publicize this motto because he feared his two other favorite sayings, "You're only here because you're still cheaper than a robot" and  "Clean it now up or you'll have to rely exclusively on government assistance (as opposed to how it is now, where government assistance is only necessary as supplementary income since I don't pay you a living wage)" might not have endeared him to the public quite as much.
 
So in honor of this cruel obsessive-compulsive tyrant's memory, here are five fascinating (and potentially libelous) things you probably didn't know about Ray "The Kommendant" Kroc.

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The Casually Dismissive Guide To Outdoor Activities

slangin

 

I'm not exactly someone you would describe as the "outdoorsy type". I'm really more of a "comes as close to hating nature as one can without actually hating it" type, if that makes any sense. I mean, I don't have any problem with the outdoors IN THEORY, but in practice it's always just so irritating and unpredictable: Oh great, I went for a walk and it started to rain. Fantastic, the sun went down and now I can't see. Wonderful, I wandered into the Pakistani Himalaya and got disemboweled by a Himalayan Brown Bear. I swear to god, it never ends.
 
I really don't see how nature expects anyone to enjoy the outdoors when all this annoying crap is constantly going on. I'll give you an example: One time I went camping and was continuously buffeted by reasonably strong winds. Winds! Can you imagine? It was beyond belief. The third time my hood blew off my head, I walked to the car and drove straight home. But honestly, can you blame me? A man can only take so much abuse.
 
But anyway, here's my Officially Licensed Guide Every Single Outdoor Activity Ever.

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20 Engrish Signs To Thrill & Confound You

Engrish Sign

In the Englishs languages it is a right way and a wrong way to tell.
This is also true of sign of things. If an incorrect language is used
on sign or logo, they do not even understand the rules correctly! This
may be dangerous, pregnancy, or worse!

So, here to please readers of the twentieth signs which shows the use
of improper grammar and spelling errors. Thank all the competitors.