Having recently experienced a Spiritual Awakening, I have found it
increasingly unnecessary for me to judge other human beings based
solely upon their appearance. How many years have I wasted making cruel
observations about others? Statements such as "Nice leopard-print
Zubaz", "What kind of a jackass wears a fedora?", or even "That young
woman should abstain from wearing spandex leggings due to the fact that
they cause her large, pendulous buttcheeks to resemble two trash bags
full of cottage cheese" had begun to characterize my life.
But no longer. Having learned the folly of my ways, I am filled with
love for all creatures in the universe, I have realized the folly of my
judgmental ways. Now I know that it is enough for a person to simply
exist. Whether they be clothed in semen stained jorts, an ill-fitting
Dragon Tales costume, or a hat which simply says the F-Word, there is
nothing more beautiful than a living, breathing, human being.
So without further ado: Here are twenty photographs of people who
happened to be photographed wearing costumes.
If you work in an office with a communal refrigerator, there's a good chance that you (or someone you love) has been a victim of Lunch Theft. Those afflicted with Lunch Theft are often left feeling angry, depressed, hopeless, and even--somewhat bewilderingly--sexually aroused. But it is important for victims of Lunch Theft to remember that they are not alone. In fact, it is estimated by the Federated Association of The National Council of Meat that sixteen out of ever hundred office lunches is eaten (without permission) by someone other than the rightful owner of the lunch.
Whether you believe it in or not, there's really no denying that The
Bible contains some of the most amusingly vulgar material ever
committed to paper.
And while I've probably already covered "The Worst Of The Worst" (e.g.
gang rape, unholy semen spillage, father-daughter incest, etc) in Part
1 Of My Biblical Filth Series,
there are still a couple more--let's call them "tawdry"--passages I'd
like to share with people who might not have actually read The
(you know, like most Christians?).
So here are five more crude and/or offensive Bible stories you may not
have heard of.
Recently I performed a search on the internet for "The Alphabet Of
Swearing" in the hopes of finding a list of
curse words beginning with each letter of the alphabet. Much to my surprise, aside from a couple of disappointing "Yahoo
Answers" replies and an article or two from websites even shittier than
this one, I came up emptyhanded.
Needless to say, I could not let this stand. A world in which a thoughtful list of curse-words for each letter of the alphabet did not exist somewhere on the internet was not a world in which I wanted to live.
This left me with two choices: I could either commit suicide, or create and publish the alphabet of swearing myself. So I decided to go with the list.
When it comes to awful environmental superheroes, there few
lamer than Captain Planet. If you have to ask why this is the case, I
can only assume you're not too familiar with Captain Planet, because
let me tell you: Dude has got some obvious issues.
But I think my favorite thing about
Captain Planet is the ease with which he can ridiculed. For indeed, so
lame is he, that one does not even need to actively "make fun" of him
show, because simply listing various facts about him is enough to send
most people into fits of derisive laughter. This makes it extremely easy for a writer as lazy as I am to craft a decent article about him, which I do appreciate a great deal.
So here are just eight (of the oh so many) reasons
Planet is the crappiest, lamest, most utterly worthless "superhero" ever.
Apparently it's supposed to be the beginning of a new year or
something, so I figured now is as good a time as any to get rid of all
the excess photos I gathered throughout 2010 and never used due to the
fact that they were too abstract and/or stupid because seriously how
the hell was I ever supposed to fit a picture of a guy chewing on a
large board (see below) into an article?
Also, I have no sources for any of these images, so
if one of these pictures "belongs" to you and you feel like you want to
be credited for
it, send me a vaguely threatening email about it and I'll try to sort
But for now: Some pictures of things.
Obviously there are plenty of misconceptions out there about Manga, but
this is certainly not uncommon amongst the higher arts. In fact, when
Opera first came on the scene in the early 1600s, it faced many the
same criticisms that manga currently does: "Oh, I can't understand what
is happening," "Why is this so violent?" "Why does every woman have a
huge chest?" "Is it entirely necessary to to portray child rape so
graphically?" and on and on and on.
What these manga detractors fail to understand is that, like opera,
manga is simply ahead of its time. It seems clear to me that those who
hate manga are simply too boorish and uncivilized to appreciate such a
sophisticated art form.
But enough of this. I've already given these detractors more time than
deserve. Let's get on with the questions!
I've always been a huge fan of Slate.com's "Explainer" Series.
Its purpose is simple: To answer (sometimes unasked) questions about
various issues that come up in the news or everyday life. These
questions run the gamut from basic trivia questions ("When Did
Prisoners Start Dressing In Orange"), to the taboo or obscene ("What
would happen if you snorted cremated remains", "Are Both Father And
[Adult] Daughter Culpable In Cases Of Incest?") questions you've
probably never allowed yourself to consider.
Of course, The
Vast Archive Containing Hundreds Upon Hundreds Of These Questions
is available for your perusal (and I encourage you to do so), but just
in case you don't feel like spending all that time, I've compiled a
list of 30 of the best ones here (without permission, naturally).
And if you think linking to a bunch of articles I didn't have anything
to do with is just a cheap way of getting out of having to write
anything: Congratulations, you are right. Welcome to the internet.