By Martin "The Baron" Hubley
kids and teens, here's a little math problem for you: Every day
1 million of people die from doing a drug. half of the population on
the earth is children. have you figured out the answer? That's right:
Half a million kids die every day because of drugs. Still say smoking
on a stick of Mary Jane is "cool"? I thought not.
But even after hearing this shocking stat, some of you might still
assume it's OK to take "just one" suck of dope. That it's fine to drink
"just one" cup of LSD. A few of you might even believe it's "alright"
to just eat "just one" piece of cocaine. But the path to drug addiction
is steep as a dragon's brow. Take just one step on it and suddenly
you've bought yourself a one-way ticket to losersvilles. One day you're
captain of the football group and the next you're on a street corner
selling your football champion trophy to buy more meth pills.
So let this article serve as a white-hot newsflash for you, pals and
pal-ettes: Every time you smoke, snort, chew, or suck a dangerous drug,
you dance the dance of death. And as my dad's inner-city friend Willy
Stacks always used to say, "Don't nobody dance forever."
WHAT ARE DRUGS?
Drugs are illegal substances which hurt your mind, your body, your
brain, and your soul. As a child or teen, you've probably come across
many drugs before, but probably not all of them, so I'll take a quick
second to educate you. Here's a list of a few of the most popular drugs
and their effects.
Here is the most dangerous drug, the drug that is tearing
city streets and our families. Crack Rock is also responsible for the
rise of crack babes. Crack babes are children who are born without
certain body parts such as hands, fingernails, or face because their
mothers and fathers ate crack rocks while they were pregnant. That's
pretty gosh derned horrifying. If you ask me, parents that do this
should be put in jail for life. Crack is available in almost any City
in the US, but it is banned in Canada & Mexico. Either way, don't
mess with it.
So as the old saying goes: "Give a man a fish today and he eats for
today. But don't give a man a crack rock today or he'll never learn
What many people do not know is that Heroine (also called Double H, or
Meth) is just a refined version of crack rock. Low ranking drug dealers
(called snoops) purchase a number of crack rocks and mix them in a pot
(with some other special ingredients) to form heroine. Heroine is far
stronger than Crack Rock, and is also more expensive. There for it is
favored by higher-paid workers such as construction men and exhaust
technicians. For this reason, law enforcement does not harass heroine
users as aggressively, as most of them are not criming and are a
valuable asset to society.
Mystery Mushrooms & LSD
These little-known drugs (made from the same substance)
among those who call themselves "Beat Trippers" or "Spicenauts". Once
in-jested, the poisonous toxins they contain do a little number on the
brain, giving the user terrifying hallucinations. A friend once shared
a story with me about a man who took Mystery Mushrooms and suddenly
began giggling and whenever someone talked. But not only that, he heard
and said all words backwards, so "How are you" came out sounding like
"oy erah woah."
Sure, at first this might cause you to share a laugh with your
neighbor, but consider this: The change was permanent and he lost his
job and drivers license because of it. Not laughing now are you?
Drugs ain't no joke.
This dangerous cocktail of death has been known to take many forms: The
"smoke bowl", cigarette, cubes, brownies, and yes, even injection.
Those who subject thyself to this frightening drug often complain of
loosed bowels, getting woozy, muscular weakness, and rapeism. So it
goes without saying that this is one drug you don't want to bring home
You might be surprised to find out that huffin' (recreational
breathing) is not actually even a drug at all! Huffin' is the practice
of drinking or breathing-in household chemicals (such as windex,
batteries, or carpet samples) to get "Sprung Up" or "Biffed-Off". Not
only is this dangerous, it's bad! Just remember: A human being lung is
meant to do one thing and one thing only: Inhale oxygen (O2) and exhale
carbon monoxide (CO2). The effects of Huffin' might be mostly harmless,
but it's just not right to misuse your lungs in this way. Treet ur
lungz wif respec!
HOW MOM CAN HELP
so you can skip down to the next section.
Alright parents, let's get real: In these troubled times,
turning to drugs at earlier and earlier ages. I've even heard tell of
preschoolers being caught with a car-trunk full of crack in certain
inner-city schools. Our little babies dealing! Now that's scary! But we
can put a stop to this menace by raising our children right. For
example, studies have shown that a child with hobbies is 4% less likely
to try a drug, and a child with 2 or more parents is 10% less likely to
smoke weed. Here are a few other ways we can limit the number of
children trying drugs.
Show them celebrities who don't do drugs. There are plenty of hip
celebs out there who have come out against drug use. So why not tell
your kids about all the ultra-cool stars and singers who've stayed 100%
drug free? Articles and videos produced by the likes of rock-hard
action hero Stephen Seagal, butchy singstresses The Dixie Chix, and
famous black pop superstar Mary J. Bilge, can help to push troubled
teens back into their parent's love-drenched arms.
Tell Em' Flat Out!
Giving a child rope only means he will have more to get hung with. Tell
your child in no uncertain terms that ALL DRUGS ARE BAD (NO
EXCEPTIONS!). Tell them that by doing a drug (any drug) that they are
likely to fall out of a hot air balloon or get brain damage. This may
not be true, but children listen sometimes better to absolute
Make sure you follow up by asking the child questions such as "what
would you do if someone offered you alcohol at a party" or "are drugs
bad?" and listen to their answers. This is a highly effective way of
Get 2 Know Their Pals!
If your child is hanging around with boys who wear leather jackets or
piercings, confront these children in a private area (such as a closet
or shower), give them a hug, and ask them if they would like to
purchase a drug from you. If they say yes, you may conduct a citizen's
arrest, as purchasing drugs is a felony.
If You Can't Beat Em...
The bottom line is that if he wants to do drugs, he will. You can't
stop him. The next best thing to do in these cases is to be around to
supervise when he does the drug. Invite your child's friends over, and
offer to watch over them while they take the drug. Just be sure to have
a first aid kit handy.
If the children ask you to participate as well, you should do it, but
safely! Adults are much more responsible and can often handle drugs.
The golden rule is to take only ONE THIRD the amount the
children are taking. So if they each snort three lines of meth, limit
yourself to one. This might sound terrible, but it's better than them
licking meth off each other's naughty bits in a dark alley somewhere!
A House of Card
Use as many of these methods as possible to make sure your bouncy baby
doesn't end up spreading their legs or lips for a dime of reef-reef.
Remember: It takes two to tango: The child, the parent, and the drug.
Remove just one item from this equation and the whole house of card
comes crashing down.
10 COOL WAYS 4 TEENS 2 SAY NO!
Even back when I was just a lad, it was though it as "cool" for a teen
to take a drug. Even in college I was often called a "loser" or "bitch
boobs" because I wouldn't use dangerous drugs like alcohol, laughing
gas, or morphine at parties. Needless to say, I always kept my cool by
coming back with a snappy retort to put those junkys in their place.
And you can bet they respected me for it.
But I realize not everyone is as adapt to wordplay as I
am, so here are
a few comebacks that are sure to put that pusher in his place!
- No way! You can stick that drug where the sun don't shine!
- If you think I'm smokin, you must be jokin!
- I don't grace druggies with my presence (leave).
- Count me out dudes, that stuff is for idiots. I'm not one.
- My mom/dad/aunt was addicted to cocaine/meth/pot and used to
shout at me because of it.
- No thanks, I already had some earlier.
- I have faith in the bible and the lord says drugging is a sin.
- Stow away the weed pipe buddy! Dopes are for dopes!
- I can't, I'm allergic to stupid.
- Give a hoot, don't pollute (your mind and your body with drug
I hope I've convinced you all you little tykes out there not to try
drugs, and also convinced you 'rents to support your children with love
and help keep them from doing drugs until they are 18. Thanks for
reading folks, and if you have any more questions, feel free to EMAIL
Check u later guys!