The 36th Annual Grammy Awards!

Grammy Awards
Live from the beautiful Huston Astrodome: It's the 36th annual Grammy Awards! With your hosts:




Berenger

Tom Berenger!


"Howdy folks, Tom Berenger here. I was in that movie Platoon. Heh, I played one of the hard-nosed sergeants. Well anyway I'm sure you all remember. Right? I mean that was a pretty popular movie. Critically acclaimed too! Nearly won an oscar for it. I wouldn't say I was robbed, but hell they gave the old broad from the end of Titanic an oscar and all she had to do was look sad and throw a watch into the water. Doesn't seem too difficult to me. Well anyhoo, I hope you enjoy the awards, soldier. I know I will! At ease."




Frawley

William Frawley!


"William Frawley here for Professor Jameson's Old-Fashioned Powdered Opium Tincture! Friends: Does your child have a painful body that aches and creaks and cracks and snaps? Well why not try a bit of Professor Jameson's Old-Fashioned Powdered Opium Tincture? It'll wash their cares away on white waves of relief! Just place a pinch between thumb and forefinger and rub generously between the lips and gums. Little Junior'll be whistling "Dixie" in no time at all! Best of all, it's safe (4-10 registered physicians recommend it)! Just remember folks, when baby's got a temper, don't reach for the belt: Reach for Professor Jameson's Old-Fashioned Powdered Opium Tincture! It soothes troubles down to a nub!"



Hoppus

Mark Hoppus!


"Uuuuuhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnn..."



Colonel Sanders

Colonel James Sanders!


"Mmmm. I sure do looove me some chicken! There is a world of difference between fried chicken that is juicy on the inside and crispy on the outside, and that which is soggy and soaked through with grease. The most important factors contributing to perfect fried chicken are the temperature of the oil and the actual step of frying. Vegetable shortening, lard, and peanut oil are all popular frying mediums, as they have a high smoke point. Bawkckock!"



Wayans

Marlon Wayans!


"Yeah, I was in Norbit. Is there some kinna problem with that? A man gotta get paid. These old-timey hats ain't free."


Tempo

A 1991 Ford Tempo!


"Introduced for 1984, Tempo and the similar Mercury Topaz were facelifted in 1988. The front-drive 2- and 4-door sedans came in two trim levels for 1990: GL and GLS. A top-of-the-line LX edition came only as a 4-door. A driver-side airbag had been optional on 4-doors as early as 1986, though not many were installed. A part-time 4-wheel-drive option debuted in 1987, intended for use only on slippery pavement. This All-Wheel Drive system came only on 4-door sedans. A 98-horsepower 4-cylinder engine went into GL and LX models, while GLS and All-Wheel Drive Tempos got a 100-horsepower rendition."



Crystal

...and Billy Crystal!


"I'm Billy Crystal! I'm Billy Crystal! I'm Billy Crystal! I'm Billy Crystal! I'm Billy Crystal! I'm Billy Crystal! I'm Billy Crystal! I'm Billy Crystal! I'm Billy Crystal! I'm Billy Crystal! I'm Billy Crystal! I'm Billy Crystal! I'm Billy Crystal! I'm Billy Crystal! I'm Billy Crystal! I'm Billy Crystal! I'm Billy Crystal DAMMIT!"

 Featuring special musical guests:



David

David Duchovny and the Duchovninites!


"This is David Duchovny, wishing you and yours the happiest of holidays. Have a great time with friends and family!"

And be sure to stay tuned after the show for two special back-to-back episodes of Golden Girls: They're old!