Question: Do you enjoy viewing amateur art drawn by fans of various things? If so, this may be just the article for you.
But before I get started, I'd like to make it clear that my intention is not to cut down or ridicule the artists behind these images, as I feel that doing so would be inexcusably cruel (even by my fairly loose moral standards). And frankly, even if I did want to make fun of this stuff, I'm not sure I'd even know where to begin. I mean, I have a hard enough time writing jokes about things I can comprehend, so there's probably no point in me trying to wring extra humor out of something as mystifying as a bunch of deeply religious Naruto sketches some kid posted to Deviantart.
So that why for this gallery, I'm playing it straight. No smart-ass jokes or pointless captions to distract you from the photos. So come right in and pull up a chair. There's more than enough lunacy to go around.
Side Note: This gallery does contain any sexually explicit material, so you can probably look through it at work. Although if someone saw you'd probably look like a pretty huge freak. So keep that in mind.
Rest assured: I'm well aware that I've already published way too many pointless photo galleries of Nonsensical Warning Signs. I also know that I'm probably the only sentient creature in the universe who finds stick figures being dismembered so entertaining, but what can I say? I like 'em!
So for what is probably the last time, I've [borrowed] a bunch of signs from The Stick Figures In Peril Flickr Pool and reposted them here without getting permission from any of the wonderful people who actually took the time to photograph and upload them.
But hey, if you own any of these pictures and don't want some asshole like me using them, just Send Me An Annoyed Email and I'll remove them right away.
20 Images So Fantastic They Probably Could've Cured Polio Before Jonas Salk Did If They'd Been Around Back Then
It's 7AM and I haven't gone to bed yet, so to save time, I think I'm just going to paste a user-submitted plot summary of the film Under Siege 2: Dark Territory instead of writing an actual intro:
Casey Ryback is traveling with his niece on a train, which is hijacked by terrorists. The terrorists need a moving headquarters, so they can take over a satellite capable of vaporizing anything in its path. The government can't stop them from destroying Washington and also rupturing a nuclear reactor, killing millions. Casey Ryback uses his Navy-Seal training to take out all of the terrorists in an action-packed ride.
But enough of that. Here are some pictures of things.
Sure, maybe I like to make fun of bad costumes from time to time, but I'm no bully. So that's why I'm gonna try to be extra nice when I write the captions for these clunky and unsettling pictures I found on the website of What Appears To Be A Small Rental Center In Virginia.
Honestly I think that's all the explaining I need to do. So join us, won't you? Thank you.
"Sloth makes all things difficult, but industry, all things easy. He that rises late must trot all day, and shall scarce overtake his business at night, while laziness travels so slowly that poverty soon overtakes him."
- Benjamin Franklin
Okay, look: I realize I've already milked Two Entire photo galleries out Stick Figure Warning Signs Which Are Occasionally Difficult To Understand. I realize that. But times are tough, you know? What can I say. I found a bunch more pictures of messed-up street signs I liked, so I figured, hey: Why not organize them into gallery format and display them on the internet?
So I did, and here they are.
I find a lot of weird and insane photos from various places online that I find myself unable (for whatever reason) to fit into an article. These are normally just stored away on my harddrive until being deleted, but I can't help but feel that this is a terrible waste.
So rather than run the risk of allowing these pictures (pointless and irrelevant as they may be) to be forever lost in the ether of cyberspace, I have decided to post them here, where they could hypothetically be viewed by all who wish to enjoy them.
What can I say, I"m big into philanthropy.
A good online writer will use an introductory paragraph like this one to give readers a brief overview of what the attached article is about in an entertaining fashion. This encourages "click throughs" to the main text, and ensures that the article gets as many pageviews (and therefore generates as much advertising revenue) as possible.
It should be obvious that the text you are reading right now is an example of an extremely poor introductory paragraph. It is overlong, plainly written (yet not elegantly so), contains little to no useful information, and fails to make even the slightest attempt at capturing the interest of someone who may have stumbled across it accidentally. I suppose I could try to counteract some of this by begging you to continue reading ("Please, please, please, just scroll through and take a look! I've spent oh so much time and effort on this highly entertaining piece, it'd be a shame if you passed it up!"), but this is impossible, as it is not in my nature to lie.
If I wanted to I could backtrack, here, at the very last second, by cramming in some kind of half-assed segue linking this intro to the content below, but I think I'd derive far more satisfaction out of abruptly ending this sentence after implying that I was about to do so, so let's find out.*
Having recently experienced a Spiritual Awakening, I have found it increasingly unnecessary for me to judge other human beings based solely upon their appearance. How many years have I wasted making cruel observations about others? Statements such as "Nice leopard-print Zubaz", "What kind of a jackass wears a fedora?", or even "That young woman should abstain from wearing spandex leggings due to the fact that they cause her large, pendulous buttcheeks to resemble two trash bags full of cottage cheese" had begun to characterize my life.
But no longer. Having learned the folly of my ways, I am filled with love for all creatures in the universe, I have realized the folly of my judgmental ways. Now I know that it is enough for a person to simply exist. Whether they be clothed in semen stained jorts, an ill-fitting Dragon Tales costume, or a hat which simply says the F-Word, there is nothing more beautiful than a living, breathing, human being.
So without further ado: Here are twenty photographs of people who happened to be photographed wearing costumes.
Apparently it's supposed to be the beginning of a new year or something, so I figured now is as good a time as any to get rid of all the excess photos I gathered throughout 2010 and never used due to the fact that they were too abstract and/or stupid because seriously how the hell was I ever supposed to fit a picture of a guy chewing on a large board (see below) into an article?
Also, I have no sources for any of these images, so if one of these pictures "belongs" to you and you feel like you want to be credited for it, send me a vaguely threatening email about it and I'll try to sort it out.
But for now: Some pictures of things.