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Image removed.Like many
of my fellow Brothers In Christ, I was shocked, saddened, and outraged
when I heard that the US Government was going to allow the new
megaviolent animated videogame Bulletstorm to be released. This comes
even after Child Advocate and Actual Medical Doctor Carole Lieberman
(in an interview on Fox News) proved conclusively that violent
videogames cause rape by claiming that they did.
 
When pressed for "evidence" to back up her claims, she was unable to
produce even a single shred. This of course led to cries of
"irresponsible journalism" and "fear-mongering" amongst pro-rape
advocates in the gaming industry, but the more educated among us know that those who constantly
clamor for reputable scientific studies to back up what appear to be
unsubstantiated and outrageous claims are missing the point: Violent
videogames exist, and until they are successfully banned, our children
will continue commit acts of violence, torture, embezzlement, and
premarital sexual assault.
 
But what of Bulletstorm specifically? Is this game truly as
reprehensible as so many have claimed? The answer, of course, is a
wholehearted and undeniable "yes."

 
 

THE ACHIEVEMENT SYSTEM

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I won't waste any of your valuable time on Bulletstorm's gameplay or
backstory (partially because I haven't been able to bring myself to
play it); but let's dive straight into the controversy: While most
crime sims simply allow children to perform terrible acts of violence,
Bulletstorm actually goes out of its way to reward your child for
coming up with creative ways to torture and molest his enemies.
 
This functionality comes courtesy of a new invention, never before seen
in a videogame: A Kill Achievement System. Simply put, while playing
Bulletstorm, children will "unlock" Kill Achievements (referred to
in-game as "Money Shots") by completing various types of "kills" within
the game world. When one of these special kills is completed, a message
pops up on-screen praising the player for his or her brutality,
increasing their high score, and rewarding them with money which can be
used to purchase more advanced weapons and armor.
 
Here are just a few of the thousands (if not millions) of "Kill
Achievements" included in the game. Please note that many of these are
extremely graphic, offensive, or even racist, so please ensure there
are no women or children in the room if you intend to read this passage
aloud.
 

Boom Shake The Room Disembowel an Innocent Bystander With The Fishhook Bayonet
Histameanie Send An Elderly Woman Into Anaphylactic Shock
Using The Hornet Grenade
Babykiller Kill A Baby Using The M16
Another Day At The Orifice Shoot Wooden Stakes Into The Anal Cavities Of
6 Businessmen
Your Goose Is Cooked Impale At Least 4 Enemies With A Single Round
From The Goose Gun
Ancient Chinese Secret While Fighting The Emperor In The "Chinese
Buffet" Level, Shoot The Weak Spot In His Chainmail Tracksuit
Extra Point Shoot The Football Launcher At A Pregnant
Woman's Stomach To Bring About A Miscarriage
Man Of The House Punch The Head Off An Enemy Who Happens To Be
Viewing The 1995 Jonathan Taylor Thomas Film "Man Of The House"
Whites Only Kill Every Minority NPC In The "Supermarket
Slaughter" Level
Angel Dust Douse An Enemy With The PCP Squirtgun,
Causing Them
To Fly Into Hysterics And Bite A Child In The Face Before Punching A
Small Hole In Some Drywall And Attempting To Climb Through It

Once again, I must sincerely apologize for the atrociousness of the above
content, but I could see no more effective way of conveying the
outrageous depravity of this game and its developers. It
comes as no surprise that those who created this game are from Poland,
a socialist police state where unwed child prostitutes perform sexual
favors (suck-its, jerks-ems, burlap turnovers, etc) for tourists before
popping in to the state-run hospital for a free abortion, medical
marijuana, and a welfare check.
 
Sound familiar, Americans? It should, as this is the way our country is
currently heading unless we straighten up and stop engaging in reality
television and premarital hand sex. I don't know about you, but the
only hands I want rubbed all over my body are the healing hands of
Christ.

THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS

While the "Money Shot" system is practically oozing with sin, it is
most certainly not the only sinful portion of Bulletstorm.
Since the remaining sinful acts depicted in the game are too numerous
to list, I've decided to inform you of only the most egregious ones.
They have been divided into seven categories (each of which corresponds
to one of the Seven Deadly Sins) to make them easier to understand.

Trickery

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Trickery is defined in The Bible as "any act which is meant to mislead,
fool, or bamboozle your fellow man". Trickery is considered a sin
because acts of deception are inherently Satanic and thus should not
ever be performed under any circumstances. Examples of trickery include
lying, cheating on a spouse, forgery, incest, false advertising,
begging, card tricks, theft, and even inaccurate EnergyStar ratings on dishwashers and other large appliances. Unbelievable though it may be, Bulletstorm contains hundreds of examples of each
and every one of these acts.

Cussing

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I would hazard a guess that within the first twenty minutes of
Bulletstorm, children will be subjected to more expletives than they
would hear watching an entire season of a broadcast television show. In
the short preview I watched, every other sentence out of the main
character's mouth was chock full of obscenities. "F**k them in the
faces!", "Kill the B**ch holes!", "Drink s**t from a C**t!", "I'm all
out of gum, let's suck some c**k". Parents, consider yourselves warned.

Murder

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"Thou Shalt Not Kill." Do you know who said that? If you answered
"God", you answered correctly. We are never to kill another living soul
on this earth. Ever. Committing acts of murder, death, and maimery are
strictly forbidden by The Bible. And here's a newsflash for all you
gamers out there: Virtual worlds are not exempt from God's Law. Lest
you forget: The Lord holds domain over all things, and I'm sorry to
inform you that "All Things" does, in fact, includes videogames. In
Jesus's eyes, firing a quadruple-barreled shotgun into the face of a
toddler and sending her careening onto the third rail of a subway track
where her tiny body crackles and sparks is a sin whether it is done in
the "real" world, or a virtual one.

Failure To Observe The Sabbath

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Not a single character in Bulletstorm even makes mention of the Sabbath or takes steps to observe it as a holy day of rest. This is Bulletstorm's most direct affront to law of our Lord, and ironically it may also be their undoing. Since this particular sin is a Venial sin, the game's creators will be unable to apologize to God through fasting, confession, or prayer. But their loss is Christianity's gain. For soon these men will stand before The Creator, and I have little doubt that he shall sentence them to burn thoroughly in the foulest pits of hell for their actions.

So brighten up: When this day comes (and believe me, it will come) God will part the clouds of heaven, allowing true Christians like you and I to peer down and watch with delight as the flesh is flayed from the bones of these truly evil souls. Amen.

Racism

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The Bible takes a very clear stand against racism. Moses himself in the
Old Testament explains as much when he is speaking to the lepers: "Take
no slaves, and treat man as if he were a king unto himself."

Bulletstorm makes no mention of these words. Your subordinate
throughout the game is an afro-american (black) character. Normally I
would commend a developer for taking such a bold step towards equality
by including various races in their game, but when the only black
character constantly displays blatantly stereotypical "black" traits
such as swearing, gun use, aggression, and violence, and I feel this
crosses the line in a big way.

To make things even worse, the player character uses a whip as a
weapon. One can only imagine the sick power-trip jollies that White
Pride fanatics will get from playing this game. It truly is disgusting.
 
I don't know any Black or African individuals, but I'd bet my hymnal
that groups like the NAACP are going to be pretty furious when they see
the hateful way our brown-skinned brothers are portrayed in this game.

Let's stop the hate, get our heads out of the game, and start reading
The Bible, people.

 

FINAL JUDGEMENT

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ULTIMATE SIN!

 
 
Never before in my career as a Christian Game Journalist have I come
across a game which is so utterly depraved. I do not feel I am
exaggerating in the least when I say that The Dark Prince himself must
be beaming with pride at Bulletstorm's success.