Awful Sci-fi Tech: Dune

Dune Fatman
Many science fiction films portray the future as a beautiful place where sleek chrome ships glide through skies, cybernetic servants cater to our every whim, and war is but a distant memory. In Dune however, the future is apparently the 70s. Drab, puffy-haired men wander around cheap sets in a druggy haze while mumbling vaguely religious threats, everyone wears unflattering jumpsuits, and seemingly, only three colors of paint exist: brown, green, and burnt orange. But most importantly, Dune takes place in a future where humans have seemingly disregarded all previous technological advancements in favor of a bunch of crappy stuff they found in junkyard somewhere.

George Lucas In The Bathroom

Parking Lot We pulled into the lot and George swung the car into a handicapped space. I furrowed my brow and peered at the blue sign through the cracked windshield.

“As far as I know,” I said, “You aren’t a handicap.”

“This is justice.” He said, pushing the car door open with his knee. “Why should a cripple get a free ride? Let him put on a stained white work shirt. Let him push despair into the pit of his belly and smile at the customers. I say put down the crutch and pick up a shovel; There’s work to be done.”

Tommy's Resume

Resume Guy
Hi my name is Tommy and I am 36 years old. I am looking for a good job and be paid money so I can buy one playstations three entertainment game system. I am a very good worker and aiming for the star. Also this is called a resume and it has pictures in it too. They said to me tommy a resume doesnt have to have pictures maybe it shouldnt but I think people like pictures and anyhow it looked real boring.

Amazing Actors: Samuel L. Jackson & John Travolta

Amazing Actors
By The Baron
Some people respect doctors, but I think acting is the noblest career a man can have. Can you think of another job where you make people’s lives better and are also respected for it? Of course you can’t. This series is dedicated to the best of the best in the acting field. These are the greatest performers of our generation, they make us laugh and cry and fall in love (with them). Be sure to have a tissue handy too, because some of the movie memories I unearth are real tearjerkers. A real man isn't afraid to cry.

Worthless Guide to Monsters Part 3 - Vampires

Vampire Slide
By Henry
For many children, the dream of feasting upon the blood of the living in order to attain immortality is never fully realized. Sure, sucking the blood from a fresh cut on an infant or relative might give a person a cheap thrill, but the joy it brings is hollow and fleeting. So even though you may never be able to be a vampire, that doesn’t stop you from learning something about them, does it? This article compiles the many minutes of research I have done on vampires into one easy-to-ignore page of utter idiocy.

Worthless Guide to Social Graces - Part 1: Restrooms

Bathroom By Kevin
Certainly you’ve met others in your life who you would consider to be “rude”. Some murmur loudly while chewing their food, some knock over the elderly in order to get a better spot in line, and then there are those who would reach in to grab a piece of gum out of your mouth before you’ve even finished chewing it. But who can you turn to when you need to find out if something is “impolite”? Miss Manners? If you want to listen to that senile old bag, go right ahead and waste your time. But if you’d rather learn about manners by reading a ridiculous article written by an anonymous author on a no-budget website that absolutely no one reads, please continue.

Worthless Guide to Monsters Part 2: Mummies

Mummy
By Henry
Have you ever gotten a chill when walking by a pharaoh’s tomb? This is likely caused by the spirit of a mummy. Mummies are ancient creatures which have been around for hundreds of years. Thousands of people have been killed by them. A few have even been captured and are now on display in museums across the globe. I recommend that you go view one or two (at your peril of course). If you don’t feel like heading into some musty old museum though, just read this article. You might just learn a thing or two about mummies.

Sainted / Tainted 1: Busrides & Watery Graves

Sainted / Tainted
By Kevin
Helping a stranger in need will bring no reward, and thoughtlessness breaks no law. How can one publicly shame those who wrong them while simultaneously commending anonymous do-gooders? By writing to the Sainted/Tainted portion of the local newspaper, that's how! Here are a few selected entries we've compiled from the most prestigious papers around the globe.

Worthless Guide to Monsters Part 1.5: Werewolf Q&A

Wolfy
By The Baron
Werewolves are intriguing creatures, and like most other monsters there is a lot of misinformation floating around about them. Luckily I have been asked to shed some light on the subject in this series of monster Q&As, beginning with werewolves (also see the werewolf guide HERE). They have also asked world renowned "monster expert" Art Crumb to co-author these articles with me. Frankly, I'm a bit offended by this, as I have had personal experiences and actually seen nearly every type of monster before (including werewolves). Some of my close friends even refer to me as "The Beastmaster". Impressive, no?