Like many people, I was, at one time, afflicted with crippling
self-esteem issues. In the end, it was only through hard work,
perseverance, intellectual dishonesty, and the gleeful exploitation of
those less fortunate was I finally able to achieve something resembling
So seeing as I have some experience in the field, I figured I'd share
with you seven amazing self-improvement tips which will almost
certainly help you feel better about who you are.
Surely somewhere on this planet there must be an album cover which is so outrageous and unintentionally
perverse, that if it were viewed, it would cause a tear in the very fabric of what
we know as reality, causing the
dimension in which we currently reside to fold in upon itself, and everything in the
the known universe to simply blink out of existence.
Thankfully for humanity, I haven't come across this particular album
cover yet. But here are 20 that come pretty close.
Whether they're being subjected to humorous physical abuse for failing
to have your dinner ready on time, conforming to misogynistic
stereotypes about driving ability, or emotionlessly drowning their
infant children in the bathtub due to severe postpartum depression and
psychosis, women can be a real handful!
But luckily the geniuses at Taipei Novelty Product Production Assembly
Line #124038 have come up with THIS
KOOKY GAG REMOTE for all
those "guys" out there who just want to "watch the big game with their
buddies" without being forced to acknowledge the existence of the
"perpetually exasperated vagina-possessing nursemaid" with whom they
have chosen to become emotionally attached.
One of my favorite things in the world is reading customer complaints
on the internet that appear to have been posted by people who cannot
read or write. So here are 10 of the best recent complaints I could
find on complaintsboard,
an unmoderated, racially-charged, libel choked clusterfuck masquerading
"consumer advocacy" website.
Fair warning: As most of these complaints were posted by idiots, many
of them contain sexual content, hilarious racism, or multiple instances
of misspelled foul language.
I've never quite understood people who claim to get "bored". If you've
got even a little bit of money, there's no end to all the pointless
crap you can buy to entertain yourself, and even the working poor
should seemingly be kept busy (and so be saved from boredom) by their
constant struggle to survive coupled with the relatively inexpensive
escape provided by to them the abuse of alcohol.
But, for those who still claim to "have nothing to do" I will provide
this list which may or may not contain six suggestions of highly
original and universally pleasurable time-killing activities I may
possibly enjoy the idea of participating in from time to time.
Heed not the warnings of early 90s R&B groups. Waterfalls were
placed on this earth by Our Lord God for one reason and one reason
only: To be pursued.
I realize that many of you may have a strong
inclination towards sticking to the rivers and the lakes to
which you have grown accustomed, but what you likely fail to realize is
that puttering around
in large, stationary pools of liquid, or immersing yourself in
freshwater as it runs towards an ocean can in no way match the
physical and emotional fulfillment one can achieve from
chasing a waterfall. Not even close.
So if you'd allow me, I'd like to go ahead and refute some of the most
common arguments against the pursuance of water which happens to be
flowing down a steep grade due to the effects of gravity along with a
rapid drop in elevation.
Upon seeing a gallery such as this, the average person could be
forgiven for dismissing it as nothing more than a random assemblage of
stupid photos which I have slapped together in a half-assed attempt to
avoid writing an actual article. In all fairness to me, this is only
Certainly "getting out of actually writing something" was my intention AT
but I quickly discovered how gruelling "sifting through thousands of
pages of dull cosplay photos featuring androgynous Japanese preteens to
find the 0.0001% of them which are sad/inventive/stupid enough to be
worthy of ridicule" actually is.
So in the end, creating one of these stupid galleries is actually just
as much (if not more) work than writing a deliberately
insulting article about one of the 50 US states, so I hope you
all appreciate it.
I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say that this box of organically
protected Trichogramma parasite larvae is a must buy for those whose
plans for world domination hinge on the cultivation and subsequent
release of thousands of tiny Hymenopteran insects.