Web Detritus (Weeks of 12.05.10 & 12.12.10)

Cock + GuyA weekly collection of cool articles, fascinating links, ridiculous videos, and a whole bunch of other random internet stuff I felt like shoving in here.
This time around: How Illegal Drugs Can Help You, Why Most TV Specs Are Complete Bullshit, The Longest Word In The English Language, A Video Which Will Blow Your Mind, Why Solitary Confinement Is Worse Than Torture, The Coolest Confidence Tricks & Scams, and An Awesome underground Bunker I Wish I Lived In.

5 Terrible Business Cliches Which Should Depress & Enrage You

5 Terrible Business Cliches Which Should Depress & Enrage You
A recent Gallup pool found that a full 78% of Americans, upon hearing someone use the phrase "Let's Touch Base", are overcome by a nearly uncontrollable urge to grit their teeth, wrap their fingers around the speaker's neck, and squeeze until they hear the wet, satisfying pop which signifies a crushed trachea.
And who can blame them? The absurd language of "business" has no place within a civilized society such as ours. In fact, I might even go so far as to say that a brutal, fully-conscious strangulation may even be too merciful a punishment for those who willingly use terms like "Team Player" and "Think Outside The Box" without hint of shame or sarcasm.
But anyway, if you want to ensure you're not gonna be throttled to death by some guy who doesn't like you talking like a corporate tool, you should probably go ahead and check out this list of awful business terms which fill me with an impotent rage.

20 Cosplayers Who Cause Me To Radiate Bewilderment To All Corners Of The Universe

Cosplayer Honda
There are two types of people in this world: Those Who Dress Up As Characters From Obscure Japanese Animated Television Shows, and Those Who Laugh At Those Who Dress Up As Characters From Obscure Japanese Animated Television Shows. I reside firmly in the latter category, although I must admit that I have likely dabbled in the former.
I only say this because I'm almost sure I dressed up in household objects and pretended to be Voltron at some point during my childhood. This is not nearly as embarassing as it may seem, because to be fair...I was probably about six years old when I liked Voltron. Also I was kind of a freak.
The following people, however, are adults, and thus cannot legally use "I was a six-year-old" to explain why they choose to dress up as characters from poorly written assemblyline cartoon shows from Japan which are comprised almost solely of people jumping though the air with swords and streaky lines behind them, gratuitous upskirt shots of bluehaired toddlers holding guns, and scenes in which goggle-eyed, helmeted futuresamurai gleefully violate women by backing futuristic maglev monorails in and out of their vaginas.
Anyway, you might as well take a look at these pictures. It's not like you have anything better to do.

Web Detritus (Week of 11.28.10)

PizzaSo I was on the internet the other day and I found some links to stuff and this is them I hope you like them.
This week: The Happiest Retailers To Work For, Why Evolution Blows, Oddly Specific Museums, The Greatness Of Legal & Illegal Drugs, The Most Dangerous Places To Drive, A Holiday Gift Guide That Doesn't Suck, And Useful Information About Your "Package".

The Cynical Tourist's Guide To...Florida

The Cynical Tourist's Guide To Florida
Let's get one thing clear here: I'm not going to be insulting Florida as much as I did in My Tourists Guides For Other States. This is not because I have more respect for Florida than Idaho or Wyoming (although this is definitely the case), but because I am substantially less cool than Florida.
See, in order for me to demean or belittle a US State's status, I must feel (even falsely) that I am in some way superior to the state in question. This is extremely easy to accomplish with ridiculous states like Nebraska or Tennessee, but a reasonably popular tropical state like Florida poses a unique problem for me when it comes to ridiculing it. Namely: I am not cooler than Florida, nor would anybody believe I was even if I faked it. This, of course, makes it almost impossible for me to mock and insult it without coming off like a complete ass.
So, instead of deriding Florida as a whole, I will simply cherry pick the Floridian tourist attractions I find most objectionable and badmouth them individually. I hope this will be more to your liking.

20 Insane Out-Of-Context Images From Russian Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Novels

20 Insane Out-Of-Context Images From Russian Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Novels
There's really no good way for me to preface a collection of images so utterly devoid of context, sanity, or coherency, but I'll give it a shot anyhow: Here are twenty brainmelting illustrations from what I believe to be a series of blackmarket Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle novels from Russia. As you can probably see from the image above, it is extremely difficult to explain most of them in words.

Disclaimer: I will not be held responsible if your head explodes while viewing these.

Web Detritus (Week of 11.21.10)

Bass GirlA half-assed collection of cool links, great infographics, and a bunch of other random crap courtesy of The Internet.
This week: Live Action Sonic The Hedgehog Fanfiction, Traumatic Memory Erasure, Mass Hysteria, Unsettlingly Effective Sales Pitches, Best Inventions of 2010, An Awesome Real Life Detective Story, and The Endlessly Fascinating World Of Vitamin D Deficiency.

5 Surprisingly Obscene Bible Stories

5 Violent, Filthy, & Hilarious Things You Won't Believe Are Actually In The Bible
It has been said that if The Bible were to be faithfully adapted for the big screen, it would almost certainly be the most astonishingly obscene film ever made. I doubt that anyone who is familiar with The Written Word Of God would contest this. The subject matter of the Old Testament alone (with its constant graphic brutality, genocide, casual incest, and countless rapes) would be more than enough to earn The Good Book an NC-17 rating.

In light of this, I thought it might be fun to compile a list of five of the most amusing, inappropriate, and potentially offensive passages in The Bible. Fair Warning though: Although everything discussed in the following sections can be directly attributed to God Himself (I've even provided detailed links to the passages in question), things still get fairly graphic, so you probably don't want to let your kid read it (those who are easily offended by wiseasses providing glib and irreverent commentaries on the smutty portions of sacred religious texts would do well to avoid it also).