One of my favorite things in the world is reading customer complaints
on the internet that appear to have been posted by people who cannot
read or write. So here are 10 of the best recent complaints I could
find on complaintsboard,
an unmoderated, racially-charged, libel choked clusterfuck masquerading
"consumer advocacy" website.
Fair warning: As most of these complaints were posted by idiots, many
of them contain sexual content, hilarious racism, or multiple instances
of misspelled foul language.
I've never quite understood people who claim to get "bored". If you've
got even a little bit of money, there's no end to all the pointless
crap you can buy to entertain yourself, and even the working poor
should seemingly be kept busy (and so be saved from boredom) by their
constant struggle to survive coupled with the relatively inexpensive
escape provided by to them the abuse of alcohol.
But, for those who still claim to "have nothing to do" I will provide
this list which may or may not contain six suggestions of highly
original and universally pleasurable time-killing activities I may
possibly enjoy the idea of participating in from time to time.
Heed not the warnings of early 90s R&B groups. Waterfalls were
placed on this earth by Our Lord God for one reason and one reason
only: To be pursued.
I realize that many of you may have a strong
inclination towards sticking to the rivers and the lakes to
which you have grown accustomed, but what you likely fail to realize is
that puttering around
in large, stationary pools of liquid, or immersing yourself in
freshwater as it runs towards an ocean can in no way match the
physical and emotional fulfillment one can achieve from
chasing a waterfall. Not even close.
So if you'd allow me, I'd like to go ahead and refute some of the most
common arguments against the pursuance of water which happens to be
flowing down a steep grade due to the effects of gravity along with a
rapid drop in elevation.
Upon seeing a gallery such as this, the average person could be
forgiven for dismissing it as nothing more than a random assemblage of
stupid photos which I have slapped together in a half-assed attempt to
avoid writing an actual article. In all fairness to me, this is only
Certainly "getting out of actually writing something" was my intention AT
but I quickly discovered how gruelling "sifting through thousands of
pages of dull cosplay photos featuring androgynous Japanese preteens to
find the 0.0001% of them which are sad/inventive/stupid enough to be
worthy of ridicule" actually is.
So in the end, creating one of these stupid galleries is actually just
as much (if not more) work than writing a deliberately
insulting article about one of the 50 US states, so I hope you
all appreciate it.
I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say that this box of organically
protected Trichogramma parasite larvae is a must buy for those whose
plans for world domination hinge on the cultivation and subsequent
release of thousands of tiny Hymenopteran insects.
Having already created a photo gallery covering mustaches
for no good reason, I decided to whip up a similarly pointless and
substantially more offputting companion piece cataloging the existence
of various beards.
So that's what this is.
The old "don't judge a book by its cover" adage has never made much
sense to me. You can tell a lot about a
book like this one by looking at the cover. I mean, any idiot
could see that it's a field guide
for picking wild mushrooms which was written by an impishly deranged
trombone enthusiast named David who enjoys feigning the thievery of
large quantities of fungi while wearing a cheap 80s tuxedo.
The more observant among you may have noticed that there has been a
fairly extreme smear campaign launched against bottled water by Big
Government and the leftist newsmedia of late. This comes as no
surprise, as the ability to purchase and casually discard
nonbiodegradable plastic receptacles is one of the few personal
freedoms which remain available to us in this increasingly socialistic
world of ours.
Which is precisely why it is imperative that people realize that claims
such as "bottled water creates unnecessary waste", "bottled water is
less safe than tap water", or "most bottled water is just tap water
that costs 600% more" are nothing more than lies perpetuated by
politically correct, freedom-hating rabblerousers.
So with that in mind, please have a look at five of the many reasons
why it is your civic duty to consume bottled water over tap water.