20 Absurd Costumes To Fill Your Cold Heart With Joy

20 Random Costumes You Can Buy
A good online writer will use an introductory paragraph like this one to give readers a brief overview of what the attached article is about in an entertaining fashion. This encourages "click throughs" to the main text, and ensures that the article gets as many pageviews (and therefore generates as much advertising revenue) as possible.
 
It should be obvious that the text you are reading right now is an example of an extremely poor introductory paragraph. It is overlong, plainly written (yet not elegantly so), contains little to no useful information, and fails to make even the slightest attempt at capturing the interest of someone who may have stumbled across it accidentally. I suppose I could try to counteract some of this by begging you to continue reading ("Please, please, please, just scroll through and take a look! I've spent oh so much time and effort on this highly entertaining piece, it'd be a shame if you passed it up!"), but this is impossible, as it is not in my nature to lie.
 
If I wanted to I could backtrack, here, at the very last second, by cramming in some kind of half-assed segue linking this intro to the content below, but I think I'd derive far more satisfaction out of abruptly ending this sentence after implying that I was about to do so, so let's find out.*


RHAPSODY IN POLYESTER

20 Random Costumes You Can Buy


I CAN DIG IT

20 Random Costumes You Can Buy

 

AH YES, THE EVER POPULAR "IMPREGNATED MALE TINKERBELL COSTUME"

20 Random Costumes You Can Buy


RACIST, OR SIMPLY IDIOTIC?

20 Random Costumes You Can Buy

 

NICE COSTUME, SHITHEAD

20 Random Costumes You Can Buy

 

I FIND THE CONCEPT OF PURPORTING TO MANUFACTURE PASTRIES QUITE HUMOROUS

20 Random Costumes You Can Buy

 

BOIL EM, MASH EM, STICK EM IN A STEW

20 Random Costumes You Can Buy

 

I LIKE MY BREAKFAST LIKE I LIKE MY MEN: VAGUELY MEXICAN

20 Random Costumes You Can Buy


THROBBING FOR YOU

20 Random Costumes You Can Buy

 

BICURIOUS GEORGE

20 Random Costumes You Can Buy

 

THE HUMAN RACE IS JUST CIRCLING THE TOILET AT THIS POINT

20 Random Costumes You Can Buy


WOOP WOOP

20 Random Costumes You Can Buy


NO SIMULATED GENITALS, NO SALE

20 Random Costumes You Can Buy

 

@ THA DOGG POUND

20 Random Costumes You Can Buy

 

HOLD ME CLOSER TINY DANCER

20 Random Costumes You Can Buy

 

I FEEL THAT POOR CHOICES WERE MADE IN THE SHAPING OF THIS COSTUME

20 Random Costumes You Can Buy

 

WOULDS'T THOU CAREST TO FILL ME WITH THINE EXTREMENT

20 Random Costumes You Can Buy

 

SMOOVE B

20 Random Costumes You Can Buy

 

HEY THERE BIG DADDY

20 Random Costumes You Can Buy

 

AND SO ENDS ANOTHER DAY

20 Random Costumes You Can Buy

 
 
Sources
SpiritHalloween
CostumeCraze
CostumeSupercenter
*I did in fact derive much satisfaction from this.