A good online writer will use an introductory paragraph like this one
to give readers a brief overview of what the attached article is about
in an entertaining fashion. This encourages "click throughs" to the
main text, and ensures that the article gets as many pageviews (and
therefore generates as much advertising revenue) as possible.
It should be obvious that the text you are reading right now is an
example of an extremely poor introductory paragraph. It is overlong,
plainly written (yet not elegantly so), contains little to no useful
information, and fails to make even the slightest attempt at capturing
the interest of someone who may have stumbled across it accidentally. I
suppose I could try to counteract some of this by begging you to
continue reading ("Please, please, please, just scroll through and take
a look! I've spent oh so much time and effort on this highly
entertaining piece, it'd be a shame if you passed it up!"), but this is
impossible, as it is not in my nature to lie.
If I wanted to I could backtrack, here, at the very last second, by
cramming in some kind of half-assed segue linking this intro to the
content below, but I think I'd derive far more satisfaction out of
abruptly ending this sentence after implying that I was about to do so,
so let's find out.*
RHAPSODY IN POLYESTER
I CAN DIG IT
AH YES, THE EVER POPULAR "IMPREGNATED MALE TINKERBELL COSTUME"
RACIST, OR SIMPLY IDIOTIC?
NICE COSTUME, SHITHEAD
I FIND THE CONCEPT OF PURPORTING TO MANUFACTURE PASTRIES QUITE
BOIL EM, MASH EM, STICK EM IN A STEW
I LIKE MY BREAKFAST LIKE I LIKE MY MEN: VAGUELY MEXICAN
THROBBING FOR YOU
THE HUMAN RACE IS JUST CIRCLING THE TOILET AT THIS POINT
NO SIMULATED GENITALS, NO SALE
@ THA DOGG POUND
HOLD ME CLOSER TINY DANCER
I FEEL THAT POOR CHOICES WERE MADE IN THE SHAPING OF THIS COSTUME
WOULDS'T THOU CAREST TO FILL ME WITH THINE EXTREMENT
HEY THERE BIG DADDY
AND SO ENDS ANOTHER DAY
*I did in fact derive much satisfaction from this.